Insofar

For the past few days I have been enjoying my holiday at home largely due to the fact that I do not have money to travel elsewhere for leisure. I have been stocking up on my sleeping hours – like 10-13 hours and after that doing some devotional readings, going to church and/or meeting friends for dinner. The feeling of freedom is wonderful. It had been a few days of good rest, however if all of life is just that, it would be sad and purposeless. So from Tuesday on, I would be up and running. I have one more research paper + two more book critics to finish up before I can start organizing my materials and sermons for my Nepal trip. It suddenly dawned me yesterday evening that I have less than two weeks to get them all done. Oh, I need to do some shopping too. In the list are winter clothes, clothes, personal medication, and I would need to visit SKS to get the Greek parsing software — Accordance, so I can do my exegesis on the fly. That software is like $300+… oh manz o.O

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Thought of the week:
That I can know so much about God; hold the right-est view of God that is faithful to scripture as one possibly could, but still fail in meeting the standards of God. I still sin ever so frequently. If you ever think that “Oh, I want to know God more (so that I would sin less),” you are so wrong. The amount of knowledge you have regarding the things of God does not make you a better believer. In fact it will make you even more sinful.

I suppose that the more we know God, the more sinful we will know ourselves to be. I figured that actually it is not that we become more sinful, it is just that we would have a more in-depth realization of who we already are, all along — that we are so corrupt and that apart from God, we really have no good thing. Sin is not a quantitative thing, it is a state that we are in. There is no “more sin” or “less sin”. It is that we are in sin, and that is why we need Jesus. “Amazing Grace” becomes even more amazing as we get to know God more.

God has been very generous to me that despite my sinfulness, He has been affirming my gift of Prophesy. Whenever I sense God wanting to tell a crowd something specific, there will be a fire within me that can’t wait to come out. However at the same time I believe that God does not only speak to me alone. There will be people within the congregation having the same fire bubbling within them. So when I realized that I do not have the platform to speak, I better stay quiet. And true enough, every time, someone will go up to speak the exact some words God has told me about. Some were spot-on, but some were a little off, but nonetheless this is cool stuff. I have grown to be very sharp though these experiences — sharp in identifying the persons who have the same gifting as me, as well as identifying the “voice” of God.

“Revelation when not coupled with wisdom, makes truth repulsive.” I have learnt throughout the years that when God give you a specific message and intends for you to say it, He would also give you a platform for it. Gifting without Control is spiritual immaturity.

Reversing Babel

Throughout the book of Ephesians a central truth is readily apparent – that Church is God’s design, not Man’s effort to organize. After the rebellion at Babel, the Gospel of Christ is to be seen as a reversal of that curse of diversity. The Gospel is the start of a system to which redemption takes place. The Gospel seeks to gather people into the Church, to which it was called to unite. Church is where people of all different language, culture, age, personality, and ethnic background come together for the purpose of worship.

The language barrier is very divisive, and this applies to Scripture as well. Some people have been asking me about the reason why learning Greek and Hebrew is so important. And on top of that, why preachers love to throw bits and pieces of them at their congregations. Why such a big commotion about it? To that, I have compiled three really compelling reasons.

Before that, it should be noted that the Protestant Reformation never would have gotten off the ground unless Martin Luther had a Greek New Testament in his hands and in his heart. When the preachers are the only ones who know the text in the original, then they can tell their congregations anything they want without challenge. Hence the great battle cry of the Reformation was “ad fontes” – back to the sources! After all, the contents of Scripture (esp. Greek) was written in “street” language and was meant to be read and understood by all.

1. Honor

Luther said:

“In proportion then as we value the gospel, let us zealously hold to the languages. For it was not without purpose that God caused his Scriptures to be set down in these two languages alone – the Old Testament in Hebrew, the New in Greek.

Now if God did not despise them but chose them above all others for his word, then we too ought to honor them above all others. Apostle Paul declared in Romans 3, “What advantage or profit have those who are circumcised? Much indeed. To begin with, God’s speech is entrusted to them.” It is to be the peculiar glory and distinction of Hebrew that God’s word was given in that language. Similarly, the Greek language too may be called sacred, because it was chosen above all others as the language in which the New Testament was to be written.

2. Love
The sacrifice of learning the languages is akin to the great missionary endeavor: we learn the language of a culture that is foreign to our own because we love them. Similarly, I do so because I love Christ and I love the gospel. To understand Scripture only in the English is like kissing my bride through a veil and I obviously do not want that.

3. Conviction
Although there are many great translations and Bible study tools available today, without a knowledge of the biblical languages one is incapable of determining which interpretation is right. In the cacophony of voices vying for one’s attention, he becomes paralyzed at the very point at which he needs to boldly proclaim the good news of Jesus Christ. There is a big difference between “I think this is what the text says…” and “This is what the text says…” There is a veil in between and it is called the “language barrier”.

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Reviewing all these reasons really sets my perspective right. The struggle of learning the languages is only a small price to pay for the rewards it brings. So why am I writing all these? To be inspired again. My Greek finals is happening tonight. God help me.

Edit: My lecturer just called to tell me that I got 76% for my finals :) To think that I was so demoralized last night because I thought I would fail. Yay PTL!

Wassup with Genesis? (Part 1)

Contemporary issues that cause division within the church are many. People are divided over inerrancy, the gift of tongues, Open Theism (1), women in ministry, gay marriage, and many others. While these are significant and divisive, without question the issue that has caused more division in the church over the last century, Catholic or Protestant, is the issue of evolution.

While this is a scientific issue, it is also interpretive. How do we understand the early chapters of Genesis? Did God create the earth in six literal days or did He use an evolutionary process taking billions of years? How are we to interpret the word “day” in Genesis 1? Are there gaps in the genealogies? Did the snake really talk? Were Adam and Eve real people or symbolic representations of mankind in general? And of course there are also questions that seem almost comical… Did Adam have a navel?

Those who take a more conservative approach, such as John MacArthur, will say that if you allow for evolution, you have denied the inspiration of Scripture. Others will go so far as to say that if you don’t believe in a young earth, you have denied the reality of sin.

Those who would take a more contemporary approach would be people like Emil Brunner. These views would claim that the story of Adam and Eve is not factual history, but a symbolic narrative, like a parable. They are just symbolic representations of all mankind and thus the creation story cannot be taken literally but needed to be interpreted in the light of modern scientific data.

This brings us to the other side where we see people (basically the Evolutionist who became Christian) battle to protect their scientific integrity by offering alternative interpretations to the creation narrative. Whether it be the day-age theory, gaps in genealogies, or some sort of accommodating language, from their standpoint there are ways for them to interpret Genesis in a way that harmonizes with current scientific trends of evolution.

Ultimately, the interpretative question remains to be a pressing one – is Genesis (specifically the creation account) supposed to be interpreted literally or figuratively? After all it is true that the Hebrew word “Adam” is used as a generic term for mankind, but it is also true that the Scriptures uses “Adam” as a name identifying a historical person. So… is the creation of the earth literal as well (6 days or 6 billion years)? The real pressing part of the question (at least for me) is about consistency. If one is to hold that the biblical account for the creation of the universe is figurative (time-wise), one would also have to hold that the creation of Adam and Eve being the first of humankind are figurative too as it makes no sense for one part to be figurative and the other part literal.

As for me, I have long taken a side. I believe the whole creation account to be literal. Reason being that it wouldn’t hurt for me to assume that my miracle-working God could have chosen to create the universe and mankind in an instant. Well, this would seem to be a flimsy argument, however any side be it literal or figurative has its weaknesses. My stand would probably be shot-down scientifically and accused to be another shooting-down-Galileo kind of stand.

So here is end of Part 1. Part 2 would be about the theories concerning the origin of Man. I would be presenting 5 views. These would be the possible views you would most often hear from people regarding their beliefs on creation. Not all Evolution viewpoints are the same, just as not all Creatio Ex Nihilo (Latin for “creation out of nothing”) viewpoints are the same.

Stay tuned (:

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(1) Open Theism is the teaching that God has granted to humanity free will and that in order for the free will to be truly free, the future free will choices of individuals cannot be known ahead of time by God.

1006 Words

This picture totally made my day.

Dreaming without Glasses

Have you noticed that in your dreams you can see the world clearly but you would never recall yourself wearing any glasses? I have been wearing glasses for the past 18 years and many times I wished I had better eyes. Maybe that is why I dream much and love myself for the “ability” to see ideas visually and to visualize things which are not real yet. I can think of an object in my mind and spin it around in 3-D, viewing it from different angles. Bring me to a place once and I can go back there on my own. Bring me down a road and I can visualize the road (inclusive of its details like people, dustbins, staircases) when I close my eyes at home…

Recently this thought about “Seeing without Glasses” have really captivated my imagination and I have been toying with it for quite some time trying to find a link between that and Scripture… and I found it after much thought. In
1 Corinthians 13:12 Paul talks about a similar idea: “For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.”

The glasses (aka. Mirrors) of the ancients were of polished metal, and were far inferior to ours. The images were indistinct in comparison as they were seen darkly, indistinctly, imperfectly. Thus Paul used this to illustrate the state of our knowledge on divine things as imperfect and incomplete. But when we see God face to face, everything will become clear.

When we look at ourselves and the world; we need to understand that because of the fallen nature of Man, the world (us included) is now a far cry compared to what God had created it to be. They reflect only their imperfect forms, in a dim, faint and obscure manner. We observe our thoughts about them to be puzzling and intricate, and everything that is happening seemed to be a kind of riddle from God to us.

Thats why Paul said this in the context of spiritual gifts (chapter 12 and 14) – that even when God revealed certain things (in this case, gifts) to us, a great part of them is still kept under the veil. Therefore the things that we see now are not to be taken with such great importance. Let us then “fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal” (2 Cor. 4:18).

Now we see only the mysteries of God, but when we see God face to face, all these will no longer be mysteries. Things that we do not understand, we would when we see God face to face.

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A whole load of visual ideas are flooding my mind these few days and it feels so great! As if like the real me is back.

Life’s Greatest Blessing

Life’s greatest blessing is to know Christ Jesus as my saviour and my Lord.

This is what it means by the “Joy of the Lord”. According to Nehemiah, that phrase is better understood in our present context as “Joy of Salvation.” It means the gladness of knowing that the believer is saved – that the ultimate blessing one can ever have in this life, is the opportunity to worship Christ Jesus as Saviour and Lord; to have the God of the universe being with us, wherever we go.

Randoms

This post is titled due to a lack of wit. However this is an update of my (busy) little life so far…

1. Lighthouse’09 Magazine
The magazine is finally done. Now I’m awaiting the colour proofs to arrive on Wednesday and it would be all set for printing. Got this amazing publisher recommendation from Lionel which gave me a really good price. It is like 6k cheaper from the one the school used last year. The best thing in my opinion is that they actually revised the quote and gave me a cheaper price based on the number of pages the magazine used and not what I initially ordered – like we initially ordered 100 pages but only used up 88 in the end. This is so cool because none of the companies I have approached would allow for such exceptions.

Even though this whole magazine production thing got me very busy, I realized that I really love this “job”… because this reminded me of the secular job I left in obedience to the God’s Calling for me to serve Him in Ministry. Doing this really stirs up a fire within me and it really made me feel very much alive. I am reminded of how God had gifted me in such a way that it really seemed that I am just made for doing such things – Art Direction and Graphic Design.

I guess it is very important do keep doing the things we are good at. It is so self-edifying. It really builds you up and gives you the confidence to face the world. Its like I know I can fail at Preaching and Teaching but I know I would never fail doing Art Direction because this is how God had gifted me. On the contrary, if you find yourself gifted in certain ways and not using it, your feelings will die within you and you will become a cynic.

I want to design again. My hands are itching to do some art :)

2. Studies/Ministry
Now that this magazine thing is over, its time to continue working on my assignments and study for the big Greek exam coming up. I have two books to devour and after that, to critic them by writing reviews. On top of them, I have one more research paper to work on before the academic year ends. After that I am hoping to bus up to KL and spend five days (alone) there working on my sermons and teaching materials for my Nepal trip starting November 20.

New & Relaxed Environment + No Distractions = Inspiration = Fresh Materials.

3. Expectations
This seems to be the keyword for me this time. I figured that if I am to adjust my expectations then I would not be disappointed (and thus hurt) so much. So I tried it out and felt such a relief after realizing that it actually works. I figured also that if I have no expectations of the outcome, I would not hurt at all… but Lionel is right, it is not practical to have no expectations at all also. So here I am, waiting. I figured that I would really need to be very patient with her. Oh manz, and I did not expect for God to teach me patience through her. That is really my weakest point. Well, what I can during this period of waiting is to brush up on my (impatient) character.

4. Miracle
Just tonight in the car on the way back from school, I was told that my mom sent the car to repair this morning. And the mechanic told her that the car had became very dangerous as the screws holding the front wheels together were very loose. This meant that the front wheels could have just easily come off when driven at high speeds. Then my mom started telling me just how much God has been protecting us because just last night, the whole family of us (6 people in total), squeezed into the car as my dad brought all of us out for steamboat dinner to celebrate my two bros’ birthdays. As the head of the family my dad took the wheel. It so happens that he has a irritating habit of driving slowly. Now, if not for that habit of his, our whole family would have died together last night.

So a miracle actually happened last night but no one realized. It really made me wonder just now much more miracles must have happened daily without my realization as there are just too many ways to die. So much that it becomes safe to assume that it is actually a miracle to be kept alive. Everyday then becomes a gift from God above.

Command vs. Commander

Today I decided to practice for my Greek quiz coming up this Wednesday. So in effort to make practical whatever knowledge of Greek grammar I have, I re-read the text (in the Greek) of the sermon Ps. Kerian preached on just now in the service. The passage is Matthew 14:22-34 and it is the part where it was recorded that Peter walked on water. And I found something I thought to be really cool.

When I looked through the passage and did some mini textual layout, I realized that the focus of the passage is actually found in v.29a – “And he said, Come.” There are two action words (verbs) here, so the question becomes which of the two verbs did the author placed emphasis on. Is it the “he said” or the “come?” Differentiation between the two options is almost impossible with the English reading. However in the Greek, one can look at the mood of the verb and find out its function.

In the Greek, the same passage is: ὁ δὲ εἶπεν· ἐλθέ.
εἶπεν – meaning “he said” in the indicative mood.
ἐλθέ – meaning “come” but in the imperative mood.

Verbs in the indicative mood are always the main idea.

Knowing this means that the author actually wants his readers to focus not the command, but the commander. This distinction makes a whole lot of difference because the whole focus of the passage is actually not about Peter or about his walking on water, but the focus is to be on Christ. If we were to look at the passage before this, the object of focus follows the same pattern – that it is not about the five loaves of bread and the two fishes but the focus is on Christ. Since it is the author’s intention to point his readers to Christ, it becomes only right that we interpret this passage likewise.

(Back to water walking) So thus the focus is not about Peter stepping-out of the boat, it is more about Christ being the one who calls. Peter stepped out of the boat because it was Christ who called him. If it was not Christ who called, he would most probably not do what he did. So what does this mean for us? It means unless we are absolutely sure that it is God who called us, we should not move. Because if God did not call us and we stepped out on presumption, we would sink.

So how can we be sure of God’s calling? How can one even be completely sure about anything anyways? Well, we can be sure because God did call us. God has called us to many things and they were all recorded clearly in Scripture. God has called us into salvation, He has called us to a live of holiness onto Him and He has given us a mandate to disciple others. In the process of doing all these things we can be very sure that God’s promises to us will stand because we can do all things through Christ who gives us strength. We will be hard-pressed on every side but God will never allow us to be destroyed.

Therefore, in our struggles to follow Jesus, in obeying His commands, we can know for sure that we are actually not left alone to struggle by ourselves; because God’s grace would be like that hand extended towards Peter, catching us whenever we start to sink while traversing the stormy waters.

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[Postscript]
It would not be too hard to imagine the response of Peter when his fellow disciples asked him about his water walking experience. He must have said: “If you know for sure that it is Christ who called you, would you not go?” Hence this must be the definition of biblical faith. That biblical faith is not about mustering up some mystical psychotic notion in our minds to convince ourselves to step out into the unknown. However, biblical faith is all about knowing Jesus and being sure that it is He who is calling you forward.

Werk

The stress is on. The fuels are burning to meet the deadline on 16 October. Nowadays whenever I start working on magazine, it becomes so tough for me to stop for rest. And whenever I stop there is such a great compulsion to start again. This is fast becoming scary. However I must never forget that in the face of a looming deadline, God has called me to rest – that is Sabbath… or rather, the principle of it.

When the command was given by God to the Israelites in Exodus 20:8, they have just made their way out of the Egypt. They have just been delivered by God out of the land of slavery. Hence this command is in direct contrast to that of Pharaoh’s. It is saying that God is not a workaholic, that God is not a hard task master because he knows that we are not machines. Heck, even machines need maintenance. Our minds and bodies were created to need that renewal and recreation.

When the Israelites made their way out of Egypt to worship God in Mount Sinai. That journey was used by God as an object lesson to teach the people about Sabbath. Sabbath is thus a day of worship because it is a day to renew our relationship with God. This is different from our daily worship experience. Everyday we worship God but there is to be a day set aside to let God renew us.

This can be observed to be the three-fold purpose of the Sabbath:

1. To renew our relationship with God.
2. To renew our body.
3. To renew our social relationships.

If we are to note the classification, being addicted to work is the same sin as being addicted to drugs. It is that serious to God. Sabbath in essence, is a display of God’s character and his purpose for Man. That ultimate rest (meaning salvation) is found in God, through Christ alone. God built us, He knows our limitations and therefore does not ask for much.

That is why the Pharisees got it all wrong when they managed this law through legalism. In the process of it, they missed the whole point – they have made the “rest day” tougher than the “work day.” Hence we should all guard ourselves against this huge temptation as well. We should let our rest days be that of real rest. We should also let peoples’ rest days be of real rest and not overload their rest days with so much ministry work. No wonder people get “burnt out” so fast and so easily.

Forgiveness

I realized how tough this is. Especially when I have all the right to hate the one who played with my trust and smashed my heart into pieces twice. Especially when she is probably not filled with remorse and does not feel the damage done and makes no effort to correct it. Oh manz I am so dumb to keep letting myself be poked and I actually tried so hard to convincing myself that she was telling the truth; and I actually held on to her word when all along she does not mean what she said in the first place. I should have listened to my gut feelings. Thank you Pride, for this all. You have destroyed us. Now be gone, I want to forgive and start new.

This time, I played the fool. But I will not be such an idiot again.

I guess there might be issues that I do not know about, and even if I knew, I might actually spend my entire lifetime trying to understand. I guess she must have really meant what she said at the moment she said it, but its just that the meaning to her words evolved based on the situation and due to self-discovery. This makes logic from her perspective fluid and not as linear as I thought it should be. Hence I suppose this resolution should not be in such absolute terms.

The Somber Dance

These days, I have been feeling like this…

It is so tough to stand straight and walk tall when we find ourselves standing under those clouds. But I have learnt that God can turn our storms into dancing. God has called all of us to dance at the face our storms. For those who hope in God, they will exchange their strength for His, and will soar over their storms on wings like that of the eagles (Isa. 40:31).

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Fight of Faith

Here I am at your feet
Crying out to you
Draw me near, hold me close
Lord I wait on you
For you are my greatest love
You are my comforter and strength
You are the first, You are the last
You are my guiding light

I will run, I will soar
On eagles’ wings
As I wait on you Lord
My strength is restored
Fix my eyes on you Jesus
As I run this this race
Help me fight this fight of faith

Options

It has been really weird lately. I really do not know why there is such a sudden compulsion to feel bitter, resentful and angry. I know certain things are not true but the evil one has really been toying with my mind. Thus now I realized that a new choice emerged, a choice to feel bitter, resentful and angry. That new option is very real and it is a struggle not to feel that way. In the past whenever I hear people share about bitterness, I never thought the struggle to be so real.

I guess maturity is ability to choose that which is “right” in the presence of choice. In essence, there are two ways the believer can keep him or herself holy onto the Lord. One way is the abstaining of oneself from choices coming from all sorts of moral evils and thus eliminate every possibility of committing error. Another way is to choose the “good” in spite of being surrounded by all the “bad”. The later option demonstrates spiritual maturity.

The struggle has been tough, but I believe that I would grow to be better.

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On another note, (big) things have been happening at home. God has been gracious to my grandma. And I am seeing the reenactment of the ‘Prodigal Son’ story at home – the Son figure being my grandma, the Father figure being my parents. It is enlightening to see the process of restoration being acted out. Actually, it is beautiful.

Better

My last two weeks have been horrible. But I’m better now. I guess the hints of improvement has got to be the ability to laugh at oneself. Now looking back, I can really laugh at the silliness of my coping mechanisms. I think in many ways I have been the ’spoilt brat’ the past two weeks. I have been doing the things I felt like doing, buying the things I felt like buying, eating the things I felt like eating… Well, basically doing things on impulse with little patience.

I have also realized how close my close friends really are. Like those who would really care and they show it by canceling their appointments to be with me, hanging out with me. I realized too that there are also two types of people to those who really care for me. There is these few people that I instinctively want to hang out with because I realized that I really feel better when I’m with those individuals. I can really be my(off-formed)self and trust that they would still accept me.

There are also this other group of individuals that genuinely care for me; they really wanna help me but somehow I will end up trying to help them instead. I guess it is just the natural inclination that sometimes we end up helping those who want to help us in spite of the pain we may be feeling. I guess as leaders, it is a tendency to keep remembering that we are ministers but we forget that we are still human.

I have learnt that love makes people strong. And it is love too, that makes people weak. I guess this is the diabolic nature of love. It can either build you up or cripple you. But now it has come to a point where I must decide to snap out of it… because the world still moves on and I must catch up with it or risk being left behind and loose everything along with it.

Melancholy

Lord; are you… faithful? What does this word even mean?

I have not felt this low for quite a long time. I guess deep down, it hurts; it really does. And to cushion the effect, I have been doing things that I normally would not be doing. I have been looking at food blogs, food websites, reading their reviews, chatting with close friends, finding excuses to hang out and many more… I guess it still hurts especially when I am alone. To make matters worse, my grandma moved out and my dog is gone… So the house is pretty empty without them. It feels empty but I cannot seem to find peace in the house. My room is the utilities resource room of sorts – my brothers come in to take their clothes and to change, my mom comes in to use the printer, and she keeps asking me about computer stuff. I cannot even cry in peace behind locked doors. Now, there is such a strong temptation to hide from everything; to drop every responsibility I am holding and just run off… But they are screaming for my attention.

There are two precautions I am taking now. One of them is to really guard my heart. I am really being very cautious when I am hanging out with my close friends – people who understands me and just happen to be there in a time like this. I appreciate their company but I do not want my heart to be “taken” by anyone else; not in this time of waiting… Second, I do not want to use busyness as a distraction again. Although it is effective, it is not constructive. I do not want to repeat the same mistake I made 7 years back when I thought that by being busy one can numb all pain; only to find out years later, it still hurts just as bad. Distractions only delays the pain, someday I would still have to deal with it. I should not bluff myself. Time does not heal all pain, rather, time is the revealer of how God does the healing.

It would be hard for me to trust again, it would take time for me to heal. However I do not think it is over… not yet. God will be faithful. I sincerely thank my friends who helped me picked up my pieces. Shucks, I shall not come home so early again. Being home has this melancholy effect. I guess (in some perverse sense) the melancholy produced the best in me. I can now come up with illustrations with greater emotional appeal to explain my point. But then thats just besides the point. Dave Gibbons said this today at GLS: “Failure is Success to God… because most people fail; and when you fail, people connect with you.” I guess it is when we (as ministers of The Gospel) are down and out, that we identify with the bulk majority of the people.

If you are guessing what happened. Please do me a favour; don’t ask. If you do not know what happened, it means I do not want to tell you. Please understand :)

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(Edit)
Tried not to come home early tonight. Went to hang out with Jiro at his place and after that I went to Jia Liang’s place for a swim… but it did not work, the pain is still so real and it hurts :(

Aftermath

I kind of wasted my whole weekend working on my last (major) term paper. After completing that paper on Sunday 5pm, there was such a huge relief and excitement of the whats-next. After an hour of thinking what I should do with my new-found freedom, the fatigue sets in, and I fell asleep feeling so bad. Wow, I guess that really sucked. It sucked knowing that I really “threw away” my weekend. I put off so many appointments with people I’m close with and many of them are only free on the weekends. Oh mans, I really detest times like these where I have to choose between people or paper.

However, I think I’m quite hooked on doing term papers. I actually felt quite lost upon the completion of my last paper. It felt as if the theological training and learning for this semester stops now. All the “deliverables” that are left for the school semester is one major exam for ‘Greek 2′ and two small reports for ‘Small Groups’. Greek is basically language and one can never learn a language by doing papers on it; so its kind of like all memory and regurgitating work. ‘Small Groups’ is a practical module, hence writing observation reports are simple.

So now, as for my school timetable I only have a full day on Weds with two classes – ‘Greek 2′ and ‘Small Groups’. Thank God they have (much) less demanding deliverables. But now I’m onto another type of busyness. I have a school magazine to publish by end Oct. Oh mans, this is real big stuff. My days are like revolving around this now…

So yeah, after the magazine publication, I would be spending my time preparing for my Nepal trip with Grace Missions (for FREE!!!). Gonna fly on the 25th of Nov (I think) and be back on the first week of Jan. Gonna be a long and cold month there. So school would start again in Jan… When would I be able to take a break? During the March one week break or June I think…, at Grace Retreat. Hope I would not get “burnt out”.

Even when I admit that I do not like it, I think I kind of thrive on the adrenaline of such “packed & decked” schedules… I want to really find back those days where I can afford to slack my days away.

Sigh :(

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On a side note, my emotions have been rather turbulent lately. Apart from my functional times, other times I just want to die. It just sucks to know that I still have to help people despite my crumpled-up self. It just sucks to know that ministry must still go on. This is the really sad truth about ministry – that the world still must go on despite of your personal well-being. Some things just cannot be told to everyone and sometimes this lack of outlet can threaten to “eat” me up. At times like these, I thank God for the few outlets that I have now. I guess I’m just not in the shape for public ministry now, but it still must go on :(

The things that are going on in my mind + the disgusting humidity = Sleepless nights…

The Word of God in Ministry

In Ephesians 6:17, the Word of God is equated with the Sword of the Spirit. By the pattern of Paul’s writings, this means that all of Scripture comes by the inspiration of the Spirit and is therefore borne of the Spirit.

So what does this mean? The Word of God has the authority to judge all ‘revelations’ and manifestations. It is used to test every ‘work’ of the Spirit to discern that which is truly genuine. That is because the Holy Spirit uses the Word of God. That is how the Spirit works and that is how God choose to function; in this way, God never acts in a contradictory fashion. God is true to His Word. Every work of the Spirit must conform to the Word of God. If it is not consistent to its principles, then it should be discarded.

So how do we apply this? Therefore there is need to understand the content and context of the Bible. The less we know the Word of God, the less likely we will be a candidate for God to use us in that powerful manner. The Spirit of God cannot use what people do not have. Thats why we observe that certain people who are theologically lesser educated keep uttering the same prophecy and praying the same prayers again and again. Also, we see people repeating the content of their encouragement as if the same thing applies to everyone. The gifting may be genuine but the gift is limited by the person’s knowledge of the Word of God.

(Taking Prophecy for e.g.) Prophetic utterance is limited by what people know and understand from Scripture. But if that person knows Scripture, the Holy Spirit would be able to draw out of them from a deeper resource at a given moment. It is like vocabulary; one would find him/herself being more articulate regarding the things of God and able to be “sharper” in discerning issues regarding what God wants to tell everyone or certain individuals.

Therefore, all should make effort to know Scripture. That is what it means to be a good steward of our giftings. Everyone is gifted in different ways. However, all of us are hindered by our lack of knowledge regarding the Word of God. The more we know Scripture, the better the vessel we would be for the Spirit of God to use, for the benefit of the Body of Christ. The believer who knows the Word of God would be more effectively used by God in ministry (e.g. speaking into the lives of God’s people).

Saying Grace

Being with Serene has been well and fun. It is true when people say that maintaining relationships is hard work. I find that ‘hard work’ being in the way I manage my time. If I want to spend time with Serene, I would need to compress or delete my time spent on other things. That means now I have to work harder within a certain timeframe to ‘earn’ that night or day out with her, and so, I have been really busy.

This also meant that my time out with her have to be intentional – meaning that when dates are being set, I would have to intentionally not let anything (less important) replace those dates. I have to literally make time for her.

This really brings us to new depths whenever we get to ’say grace’ over a meal together. There is so much meaning to it now and it is really such a privilege to be able to spend time together considering her busy schedule and mine too. It seems that God’s favor is really on us, like how when we really needed the time together, there is a sudden availability of time from both of our sides (like when meetings got cancelled or the like…). Yea, God had been really good to us :)

Rhema Theology

λόγος (logos) and ῥῆμα (rhēma)… It was taught by Kenneth Hagin that there is a distinction between those two words – that ‘logos’ means Jesus, or the written word; and ‘rhema’ meaning the revelatory word of God.

I’m convinced to think that this is basically nonsense.

For instance, the gift ‘word of knowledge’ in 1 Cor. 12, the Greek translation means the ‘logos’ of knowledge. Note that it is not the ‘rhema’ of knowledge. If the gift ‘word of knowledge’ is what Hagin claimed to be a revelatory word for a given moment, then why is it not rhema but logos in the Greek?

In truth, there is observed to be no distinction between ‘logos’ and ‘rhema’. Those two words were used interchangeably in the New Testament. Any Greek student of the scriptures would say that those two words meant the same thing, but it is just that somehow many Pentecostals are being led in believing his thinking was deep theology.

In truth, ‘word of knowledge’ is the intelligent explanation that brings clarity. One of the closest example is when Daniel told the King about his dream when no one else could possibly know. And God can use anyone by giving them the information needed when standing up for the cause of Christ.

Therefore believers should stand firm in faith knowing that God is totally with them. The same Spirit that raised Christ from the dead is now dwelling within every believer. And the Holy Spirit will gift them according to the need of the situation. Do not fear the ‘world’, standing for the cause of Christ is the surest way to experience the promises of God being oh so real.

Rapture

I had a ‘wow moment’ while working on my recently finished term paper titled: ‘The Rapture’, where I really spent time looking into the arguments regarding the pre-,mid-, and post-tribulation viewpoints. Well, all views claimed to be (super) biblical, so in effort to find out which view is more faithful to Scripture, I dived into the Greek text and examined the arguments thrown around by various scholars. In a way, I’m so thankful that I know (a little) Greek now because I actually know what the scholars are writing about, as in, they all make so much more sense now. And while examining the Greek text for myself, even I discovered something new which I realized that no scholar has mentioned – at least for those that I have read… which is quite a number.

This is regarding Revelation 3:10. This is the passage that is often cited as reference to a Rapture before the Great Tribulation (Pre-Tribulation). It is argued that the church is promised a physical removal from the world for protection from the Tribulation. However, this is where I disagree to this interpretation.

The ‘wow’ moment came when I searched the Greek concordance and lexicon. The verb τηρέω (tēreō – to keep) has the idea of preservation (not removal). It meant to keep an eye upon, to watch; and hence, to keep, to guard, to keep in safety, and to maintain. Other usages of this verb in the book of Revelation is used in relation to keeping God’s word, and keeping to the things of God (Rev. 1:3; 2:26; 3:3, 8; 12:17; 14:12; 16:15; 22:7, 9). The double usage of the same verb ἐτήρησας (etērēsas – you have kept) and τηρήσω (tērēsō – I will keep), both appearing in Revelation 3:10 seems to suggest emphasis. The special thing about the usage of the verb in this verse is that on top of keeping God’s word, God promised his followers that he would personally keep them from harm. “Because thou hast kept the word of my patience, I also will keep thee from the hour of temptation. . . ” (Rev 3:10 KJV). To paraphrase that, it meant this: that the same way believers faithfully keep God’s commandments, God will faithfully keep his believers from harm.

So yes, I do not subscribe to the Pre-Tribulation stand which is held by the Assemblies of God and by Dr. George Westlake (my lecturer). After all my research and studies I actually found that the Pre-Tribulation stand is actually the weakest interpretation of the major end-time passages…

And hence my conclusion after weighing all the arguments is that the scale tips generously in favor of the post-tribulationism view of the Rapture – that God would somehow protect believers from all harm during the Great Tribulation. . . just like how he did it when he dished out all the ten plagues at the land of Egypt while Israel was still in there.

This means that not only would the Church be going through the whole Great Tribulation, but Christ be would come back. And as a show of Jesus’ divinity and power, he will be keeping the believers from harm (not removing them from the world). In this manner, all Man can know that he is God, and that he is the saviour who keeps believers from being destroyed when they are hard pressed on every side (2 Cor. 4). This concept of the ‘Preservation of the Saints’ is constant throughout all of Scripture.

Imitations

Recently I shared the crux content of Christianity to this guy who is skeptical about the faith; and I must say that he has good reasons to be skeptical. He is one of the many people I have met who told me that they have experienced it all and came up with a negative perspective of our practices. He told me about all his experiences about Christianity, like how he perceived churches to be only interested in his money and talent; and how illogical everything is, because the faith is just too idealistic that it cannot be lived out in real life.

Knowing that I’m studying in a Seminary, I figured that he must be looking for some sort of response to his critic. So since the bulk of his negative perspective is formed through his (many) experiences, I began to address them one by one – like what the worship leader or pastor really meant and purpose of certain practices and how certain things could/should be done or communicated better. Most times, sad to say, I realized that his critics are very much valid and they are due to the pastor/leader’s misinterpretation of Scripture – thus produces warped practices that hurt people rather than help them.

The tendency for people is to avoid certain Bible or Christianity totally when they encounter someone who misuses it or base their certain practice on bad interpretation of Scripture (eg. collecting offering). Hence my advise to people is not to avoid those things just because someone misuse it or based their reasonings on Scripture support that is quoted ‘out of context’. Scripture, being quoted ‘out of context’ does not negate the fact that the Bible is just as much, true. The more people misquote the Bible, misuse its values and misapply its concepts, the more it goes to show how much more valuable the Bible must be.

Anyways I told him that ultimately the reason why there are so many variations of the real thing is because the real thing is good and worthy to be imitated. It just like branded goods – like how the more imitations there is of the real thing, it just shows how much more valuable and desirable the real thing is.

The Devil, for one, loves to see many imitations (of the real thing) being produced. The many imitations just goes to show how desperate he really is to blind people from the real truth that really liberates. Therefore, to the non-Christian reading this, do not stay away from Christianity and/or the Bible just because you had negative experiences with its people or practices; doing so, you might just be excluding yourself from the best experience you have yet to know. Christians like me and many others are just merely human, just like yourself, but with a blessed hope worth living and dying for.

Holding Hands with God

Sometimes when Serene and I go out, we hold hands. Some of those times we were just too tired to speak and would find ourselves being silent but enjoying the other’s presence. However physiologically, there was this ‘electric current’ going through us and with it, love was being communicated. This is a form of communication that goes beyond the verbal dimension. I find this being a perfect life illustration to explain what ’speaking in tongues’ is all about.

A perfect biblical illustration would be that of 1 Samuel chapter 1 and 2 where Hannah goes to the temple to cry out to God because she cannot get pregnant. In the Jewish cultural context, women were being largely defined by their ability to bear children. Therefore, it was very humiliating for married Jewish women in the olden days not to be able to bear children. To make matters worst, she was being tormented by the taunting of her rival’s pregnancy. So there was Hannah, along with all her scars and hurts, went to the temple seeking God. Here is what went on in the temple:

From 1 Sam 1:12-16:

As she kept on praying to the LORD, Eli (the high priest) observed her mouth. Hannah was praying in her heart, and her lips were moving but her voice was not heard. Eli thought she was drunk and said to her, “How long will you keep on getting drunk? Get rid of your wine.”

Not so, my lord,” Hannah replied, “I am a woman who is deeply troubled. I have not been drinking wine or beer; I was pouring out my soul to the LORD. Do not take your servant for a wicked woman; I have been praying here out of my great anguish and grief.”

This was same description (of being drunk) of those people who started to break out in tongues at Acts 2, after which the Apostle Peter explained to the people watching that they were actually, not drunk.

Although the ‘Baptism in the Holy Spirit’ is not all about tongue speaking (it is about more about the Christian living); ’speaking in tongues’ as documented in the scriptures is not so much about the words or syllables involved, it was about the communication that takes place when the deep connects with the deep. ‘Tongues’, therefore is all about our spirit communicating with God’s spirit. It is an expression that goes beyond words, and communication that goes beyond logical explanation.

Speaking in tongues is very much the same as holding hands, with God, in a BGR context. Maybe this is what it means for people to ‘touch God’. It is the very same non-verbal communication where love is being felt at the core of our being.

Bethel

I had one of the best sleep last night and dreamt beautiful things! Met Serene last night at her place for dinner/supper after school (Brain cramp – Greek class). Guess we are both tired but we just miss each other so much, ha! Anyways, me caught the last bus home, reached home late and hit my bed tired… For some reason I am up very early today and for once I’m really enjoying the morning! I was never a morning person – like if given a choice, I would love to start my days at 12 or 1pm. I realized a few nice things about well-rested mornings:

1. As I turned on my iTunes to a Jazz radio station online. I realized that Jazz + African American Worship really works up my morning!

2. Charsiew Pao + Caffine (Coke) tastes really good in the morning haha. Ah Yes Coke! lol.

3. There is suddenly so much time and space to get my work done!

This is really like how Jacob encountered God in a dream while running away from Esau (Gen 27:1 – 28:22); and he named the place ‘Bethel’ saying “Surely the LORD is in this place, and I was not aware of it.” God is the one who give people rest in the midst of the many things to do, in the midst of our troubles. And surely, God is more with me than I would ever realize.

God is more with you than you would ever realize.

Now when I look at my to-do list for today, they all really look so achievable. In the midst of all our busyness, I guess all we really need is a ‘touch’ (encounter with) from God – that is true rest.

Signs and Wonders

Yesterday evening, the lecturer began the class by saying: “I have a theory and I think I am right.” Referring to the personal life of every believer, he presented a controversial statement which goes something like this: “The more you know God and the longer you walk with Him, the less miracles you will see and the less visions you will have.”

Then he begins to illustrate his point by making him and his wife as an example. Like 20 years ago when they were just married, he would need to ask his wife about her preferences, “do you want this with this or do you want that with that?” But now he does not need to do that anymore, and his wife at the same time expects him not to ask such questions. Then he began to draw the parallel by saying: “The more you know the person, the more he does not need to tell you.”

“The more you know God and the longer you walk with Him, the less miracles you will see and the less visions you will have” – because 1) All that we need to know were already revealed in the Scriptures; and 2) Our faith in God should have grown stronger. Therefore miracles (eg. Divine Healing), prophecies and visions are not indications that the person who “did” them is super holy; in fact, signs and wonders are indications that we are so weak in our faith. ‘Confirmations’ when sought after, are indications that we are so dumb and thick in our skulls that we do not trust God as much yet. But God by His grace gives us that word of prophecy and that confirmation we are seeking; and sometimes, that miracle, to affirm us that God is moving through us.

This concept is in direct contrast to that of the secular world. For example, Taoist priests get exalted whenever miracles happen and people flock to them because they think certain individuals are more powerful than others. But things are the opposite when it comes to Christianity. In Christianity, miracles happen because God is gracious. It actually shows how desperate we are. If we do not need a miracle why would God do it? For example, why did God had to part the Red Sea? (because there was no way out, His people were stuck). God loves us so much that He would part the waters just for us.

This means that God can work through anybody. We should be wary not to bring secular concepts into Christianity. Taking example from the book of Judges (eg. Samson):

Just because God used them doesn’t mean they are infallible.
Just because God used them doesn’t mean they are supermen or superwomen.
Just because God used them doesn’t mean they earned it.
Just because God used them doesn’t mean they are somehow very special.
Just because God used them doesn’t mean God approves of everything they do.

But. Every single miracle that happened could be observed to be for the benefit of God’s people and for God’s own glory.

This means for you and me that we do not need to be perfect in order for God to use us. God uses imperfect people. Man looks at the outward appearance, but God looks at the heart. In the end it is not how many miracles we have done, but what God looks for is character. It is not about the signs and wonders people do, but it is who we are – are we following God? Are we being faithful to what he wants us to do?

Therefore do not be too easily impressed with big happenings and big churches. But carry on working faithfully for God even in the smallest of ways.

“The more you know God, the more God would seem to reveal Himself to you normally.”
- Dr. Simon Chan, Spiritual Theology

Made Clean

Create in me a clean heart oh God
And renew a right spirit within me
Create in me a clean heart oh God
And renew a right spirit within me

Cast me not away
From thy presence oh Lord
Take not thy Holy Spirit from me
Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation
And renew a right spirit within me
_______________________

Oh its been so long since I came before God in repentance and laid myself bare. Oh Lord, I am just another sinful person; probably the greatest of all sinners. As I lay everything all down, restore unto me the joy of thy salvation – the most valuable gift anyone can have. Thank you for loving me like I am the only one you ever loved. And that if I am the only one alive you would have still died for me. What is it in me that is worth your attention? Indeed, the blood of Christ is stronger than my temporal stupidity.

The ‘Joy of the Lord’ (meaning Salvation) shall be my strength.

Difficult Month

August will be a difficult month. Work is stacking high and coming from all directions. And my heart is wrenched from a few angles. And now the devil is taking the chance to strike hard and he keeps on coming.

I really do not know why the devil hates me so much. All that he is interested is just to bring me down and he is really desperate. But apostle Paul tells me in 2 Cor 4 not to lose heart, though outwardly I am wasting away, yet inwardly I am being renewed day by day (by the grace of God). There is no need to worry about tomorrow or what would happen next or my future, for the Lord my God, is my sustainer. I have no need to struggle for survival in this world because success belongs to my God. Thus I can freely ‘die to myself’ and give up my rights for the sake of others.

Despite the heated spiritual battle, there is this peace. I guess the tougher the situation, the thicker the grace. God will be the one giving me strength for endurance. As much as the devil is coming down hard on me, God’s grace is at work within me… and God will never let me fall as he is holding me in the palm of his hand. His angels are fighting for me. All I would most probably feel is the heat of the battle but not the battle itself.

May God give me the capacity to accept and tolerate delay.
May God give me the strength to pull through this period.
Oh… and may you please pray for me too.

God’s Enabling Power

The logic flow of 2 Cor 4. is pretty much simple and could be divided into two parts (due to the conjunction ‘But’ in v.7). It basically urges believers (esp. leaders) to be transparent towards their members and in the presentation of the gospel message. Ministry here is defined as the believers’ world. Since ministry must involve people, every believer have a ministry (and some ministries have no name to it) and therefore have a part to play in the kingdom of God.

A student said to a certain pastor in a local seminary: “wow you are certainly different from my own church’s pastor.” Bewildered, the pastor asked for the reason. And the student replied: “Because you are more human.”

Have we become too professional in ministry that we only show people the good side of us? Do you tend to give people the impression that you are always spiritually ‘well’, always ‘holy’, always right?

Also more importantly, have we became ‘professional Christians’ to the non-believers?

The purpose of being transparent in life and in words is to show others the amazing grace of God working through us (esp. in our weakness). When we are transparent, we point people towards God and not to ourselves. And hence, v.16 onwards is an exhortation to all believers not to lose heart in the light of hardship – that life may be hard but God’s grace is working even harder within us. The tougher the situation, the thicker the grace. This talks about our temporal sorrows, troubles and hardships being a refining process.

When asked of a silversmith “when do you know if the silver is refined enough?” He replied: “When I look into the fire, and at the silver and see my own reflection on it.”

God says the same to us. We are made as a mirror to reflect God on earth. Therefore when people sees us they should be able to see something of God in us – this is the result of the refining process.

The world tells us that “Pain kills Joy”, but now Paul tells us here that “Joy kills Pain” – that no matter how painful our situation may be, one day we would all look back and acknowledge that the pain is worth the praise: “thou good and faithful servant”.

Therefore we should not focus on the intensity of our hardship but rather, we should turn our focus on growing the kingdom of God; for the immense grace of God shall be the source of our strength. The world can blend and crush us all they want but God will never allow us be broken. There is no need to worry about tomorrow or what would happen next or our future, for the Lord our God will sustain us. This is the amazing truth that liberates and this is the precise element that sets us apart from the non-believers.

Our God is the god of great grace, may we be forever grateful.

I Am

There are two words for ‘I’ in the Greek:

ἐγὼ (e.gō) – Meaning ‘I’
εἰμι (ei.mi) – Meaning ‘I am’

So when you ask: “Are you Matt?” I would say “eimi” (I am)
But in the New Testament whenever Jesus say ‘I am’, he uses both “egō eimi”.
It is emphatic; meaning: ‘I AM, there is non other but me.’
These are some of the I AMs that Jesus tell us:

“I AM the Bread of Life”
“I AM the Light of the World”
“I AM the Good Shepherd”
“I AM the Resurrection and the Life”
“I AM the Way and the Truth and the Life”
“I AM the Alpha and the Omega”

So when you are going through any difficulties where you feel so alone and helpless, Jesus comes and say to you:
“I AM with you till the end of the age.”

Jaw Dropper

Another jaw-dropping moment occurred yesterday. I remembered telling Serene the day before that I’m running low in my bank account and I’m actually thinking how would I be able to last till my next cheque comes.

So yesterday afternoon when I was visiting this friend at the hospital, his mom pulled me aside saying that she wanted to speak to me in private. Thinking that it must be about her son’s condition I followed her to a spot and waited for what she wanted to say. She then slipped a thick roll of $50 notes into my pocket saying that she wanted to give that to me since last Christmas but never got the chance. I tried to reject it but she refused to take back the money. So I went to count the money after she was gone and it amounted to a couple of hundreds. I was like *Omgosh!* shocked because 1) I don’t really know her and 2) she is clueless about my need at the moment and 3) the coincidence in the timing is just overwhelmingly accurate and 4) I didn’t even pray specifically for it! And it is really so much more than enough!

Now I can give more and offer to treat people so much more. Oh manz, God is really so amazing. Even though my bank account had never hit 4 digits ever since I decided give myself to the Call of God upon my life, my bank account has always been ‘refilled’; it had never been empty. This is just one of the jaw-dropping moments of God’s provision. The (many) other monetary provisions were recorded in the earlier posts. What a mighty God I serve! I have learnt that I can never out-give God.

Love is

“Love is best when being loved back.” It has been a great ride so far. I guess the feeling now is alot more tempered compared to the initial explosion of excitement. What that is left now is just this joy when we get to spend time doing things together and just enjoying each other’s company. I really thank God all for those times. There is still so much to learn about each other. Well, things are still very much exciting.

The most amazing thing is that God really answers us when we pray. Sometimes it is even scary.., maybe more to the humbling side – to know that God really wants the best for us. Taking what I have experienced so far between the two of us; it becomes comforting to know that God will never let anyone be derailed too far beyond redemption. The blood of Christ is really stronger than anyone’s temporal stupidity. It is like how God will do everything to keep us from falling off the edge but ultimately we can still decide to jump off. I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Rom8:38-39; KJV)

He really is that guiding hand in any relationship, the God who makes our paths straight.

Partitions & Pie Charts

Many of us are taught not to partition our lives where God is concerned. That is a very sound statement. And in response to this, we create a pie chart and we name it ‘Time’. In a conscious effort to put God first in our lives, we give God the biggest slice of the pie. Sounds familiar enough? Many of us are taught that concept, well I for one was taught this way. But recently upon further evaluation I found out this to be a wrong concept and it is non-biblical. The effort is commendable but it is actually a very destructive effort.

If we are to really think about it; when we create that pie chart and named it ‘Time’, isn’t that just another way of partitioning God? If we were to go by that line of thought, you will hear people say… “I haven’t do my Quiet Time” (here QT means that 30-60mins probably in the morning) and “I don’t feel good because I haven’t really get into the mood of worship” (and here it means the worship portion of the service). When people fail to achieve those goals, they get all guilty.

Deuteronomy 6:5 “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.” We need to understand that the hebrew mind is holistic and those words were not meant to point out separate parts of our being. If you ever hear sermons where the preacher make separate those terms and tells you what it means to love God with your ‘heart’ ‘soul’ etc., you can very well recognize that this is a prime example of faulty exegesis. In reality, that verse is like an idiom which basically means “to love God with your all” – it means not to set aside the most time for God, but rather, to love God with everything that you have.

So how can we do that? Well, the correct concept is that God wants to be involved in our lives; not the biggest portion but all portions. Using the area of BGR for example: This means that God wants to be in your relationship, not a part of the relationship. This is how it will work out:

Serene told me yesterday that it is a great temptation for her to put the guy first instead of putting God first. And I guess she speaks for many couples as this seems to be the prime distractor of any BGR. It is said that a right relationship should reflect God and hence point the couple towards God. The attraction and the intense longing to just enjoy the presence of the other person are all vivd imagery of God’s love for us. When a couple goes into a relationship, what happens is that head knowledge becomes experiential. It is a process of knowledge becoming real, and it gives us a deeper understanding of God’s love for Man. So to that I suggested that she always take a step back to observe herself and her emotions, then let her observations be reminded of how much more God loves her.

So how does all these join up? You see, instead of struggling to keep the hierarchy ‘God first, Boyfriend second’ why not let God join the relationship? This is what God wants in the first place. God does not want to be first, He wants to be everything. When we keep doing this, we would be able to keep things in perspective and really, we do not have to try too hard. Jesus Christ is the only third party in a relationship who can make it work.

Ultimately, a BGR when kept in the right perspective should give the individual a greater capacity to love God and at the same time, bringing the couple closer to grasping “how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ.”

The Double Negative

“You don’t know no boundaries!” This is an example of the double negative. This is something to avoid in the English but in the Greek New Testament; when double negatives occur, it means (strong) emphasis. It occurs around 100 times in the New Testament.

Probably the best example of the use of Greek negatives is found In Hebrews 13:5. In this one verse the double negative occurs twice and there is another negative that occurs once. This makes a total of five negatives in one verse and could be translated as follows:

for He has said, I will never ever leave you, no, I will never ever forsake you
αὐτὸς γὰρ εἴρηκεν, οὐ μή σε ἀνῶ οὐδ’ οὐ μή σε ἐγκαταλείπω

This is probably the strongest emphatic way that the Bible could say that God will be with us forever. There is not even a potential for God to forsake us. Five negatives with a very positive message! You will not find it written this way in your bibles because it is translated too literally that it does not make good English sense. So yes, although this is surely some bad English but it is surely some good Greek.

Revelation

Currently taking Revelation under Dr George Westlake for the coming two weeks. He speaks super fast and his handwriting is… horrible… and I find it so tough to take notes! The worst thing is that I find myself so weak when it comes to Apocalyptic literature (i.e. Daniel, Ezekiel, Zechariah and Revelation) and the nature of Prophecy.

Gordon Fee said that it is possible for prophecies to have second and third meanings attached but people doing hermeneutics will never admit that. The rules regarding interpretation does not apply when it comes to prophecy (Omgosh!). Hence scriptures regarding prophecy can have multiple purposes. Even though traditionally people like to claim that the author can only have one intention but we see the Holy Spirit using one passage to mean this in the OT and NT writer quoting that same passage to mean another thing when applied to his situation. We need to understand that while we do not have the authority to do that, the Holy Spirit sure does.

Ultimately the book of Revelation is like the end of a story. It was meant to be a public secret, unless one is able to decode the message one will never really get the gist of what it is really trying to mean. This was done to allow the written material to spread among the believers during a time of intense persecution under Emperor Diocletian.

Thus I can sum up the book using the term ‘The Hope of Eschatological Reversal’ – this is a theological term meaning that first the Messiah would suffer; next his disciples will suffer and finally God comes to reverses everything and good shall triumph over evil. This is also known as the ‘The Blessed Hope’.

Omgosh, I got to read up so much more to get myself familiar with the things I’m studying now!

Post-Trip Reflections

So my JB/ Penang/ Ipoh food trip has ended and now I’m back in school. I got the weirdest feeling when I’m at the customs. I’m usually really excited when I get to go on trips but for some reason this time I’m totally unmotivated to go into Malaysia. This is really weird.

I guess absence really makes the heart grow so much fonder. I really missed her so much. There is just this twisting feeling in my gut and sometimes when shopping, I actually find myself unconsciously shopping for her. Like I would unconsciously be looking at women’s clothes and after some time I would say to myself “Hey what am I doing?”. Anyways, I took like a few days to finally choose a top for her. Oh manz shopping for women’s clothes is like stepping into another world. I actually asked my female friends traveling with me to test the clothes; ha, thank God for their patience.

I have never felt so happy seeing the Singapore customs again yesterday. I remember counting down the days and hours to see her face again. So went home dropped my bags and cabbed to her place. It felt so surreal to see her again. Its really weird, like how I have been looking forward to that time for so long (well, it sure felt very long for me) and when I finally saw her again, I actually struggled to find all my words again. Oh manz this is so weird… like how I can be so nervous while waiting for her under her block only to see her familiar face again. Really loved the time spent together last night. It felt… (lack of better words) comfortable, relieved, satisfied and absolutely delightful.

I guess the past week really helped. Previously, I really treasure every time spent with her; and now even more so. I guess to sum up my road trip I would say that, the food is great and the scenery is great but I really really really wished that she was with me all the while :)

Faithfulness

I guess my time in Penang has taught me many things, especially when I took time to sit down and write an email devotion meant for my cell members. Many thoughts are going through my mind and one of them is: “Hey, you are supposed to be resting, why work… for them?” But I guess cell has never left my mind. I find myself keep thinking about them – like, will things go fine on Friday? And I kinda feel bad to ‘dump’ (alot of) work to Lionel, Serene and JonLiew.

While writing, God spoke to me so powerfully that it cuts straight in to my heart. I realized I have so much pride. Like how I am called by God, and anointed to do His work, and I actually expect to be trusted into key positions and get ’superstar’ treatment. But I still find myself doing all the small things like running errands, getting this and that done. It was until the preacher said something like this: “Every ministry has its fair share of boring work, regardless if you are a Senior Pastor or a Pastor’s Assistant.” There it struck me that I actually have so much pride. Comparing myself to the life of King David, I find myself being so far and different. David, after being anointed, went back to shepherding; but me, after being being called, I expect great things! Oh manz, I’m so… proud.

The word is ‘Faithfulness’. God has impressed this word on me so strongly that I wrote the devotion. And it seems like this is what God wants the cell to learn too – that faithfulness to God could be learned and expressed through doing small things and being faithful and loyal to the ones God placed above us…. and with us :)

So I guess I would be writing more on this topic of ‘Faithfulness’ for the rest of the month. I’m glad that God spoke. At least I have a solid direction to lead people toward. Times of crisis and transitions are God given opportunities for us to demonstrate our loyalty to God.

The Greatest Lesson

The greatest lesson anyone can learn, is 1) How to love God. 2) To know how much God loves you.

One of the greatest lessons one can glean from relationships is the lesson on how much God loves Man. It is written that God made Man in His image, hence the ability to love is one of the innate characteristics of the make up of Man. This love is expressed in any relationship. The sexual attraction, the longing to just enjoy the presence of the other person and the ‘missing’ of each other are all lessons vivd imagery of God’s love for us. Thus this makes it important for anyone in a relationship to always make pause and recollect all the emotions and remember them and project them unto God.

I guess the more amazing thing is to know that the love we feel for each other, no matter how real it felt, is imperfect. Human love is imperfect for all of humankind is a flawed reflection of who God is. But God’s love is perfect. How much greater then, must God’s love be for us all. Oh God, give us a greater capacity to understand your love for us, to contain it, and reflect it upon others.

I guess these things really thought me what it means to love God even even more.

Surprise in Mailbox!

Spent the evening with JiaLiang. We had dinner, window-shopped and watched ‘Transformers 2′. It was such a nice time catching up with him, oh I so missed him! When we shopped around I was telling him. “Eh Jia, I suddenly got so many things I want but I only got this much and I cannot spend it all”. To make things worse, just this morning my mom came into my room, hijacked my bed and said to me… “Eh Matt, don’t you think you need new clothes?” Sigh… Anyways these are the things I want now hehe.

1. A pair of new Spectacle Frames…
(because to change the lens is just too ex for me hha!)
2. There is this wallet I have been eyeing…
3. Time to get a new phone… E71! (Iphone too ex!)
4. There is this converse shoe I like…

So when I reached home, opened my mailbox and hey! I saw a letter from church and inside it was my month cheque allowance! Wow I never expected it to come so early, I mean it never came so early before! Wah I’m so excited! This means Matt is going shopping tmr! Wheeee! God is so good!

Really wish you can be here with me thou :)

Nachos & Fries

I had a long emo and draining day in school. For some peculiar reason, at the end of long days I would usually find myself gravitating toward the Macs near my home. I guess it had turned out that Macs had become my end-of-day happy food.

Today something caught my attention. I realize that I would usually take many different sauces just to eat one pack of Fries. So that got my tired mind thinking a little: “Do people eat Fries for the Fries or for the sauces?” Then I started to compare the Fries with Nachos. “Do people eat the Nachos for the Nachos or for the Cheese?”

I kind of find these questions having parallels with how we actually ‘do’ our Quiet Time with God. People like to ask me if I use devotional materials (eg. ‘Daily Bread’, ‘Everyday with Jesus’). Actually I do not really like to use devotional materials. I do acknowledge that sometimes they do help but most of the times I feel that they help ‘too much’. Like the application portion are too structured and thus the reader would tend to lean toward what the author wants them to think rather tend to lean toward what God want them to think. Well, maybe this is not really true. Oh wells, if you do not find this true then take what I said as my personal preference bah :)

So… how does the Nachos and Fries question link? The link is this: Do people use the devotional materials to understand their Bible? Or do they use their Bible to understand their devotional materials? … Because I know that many people actually prefer reading what people write about their Bible than reading the actual Bible for itself. So the fact is that there are people who read their devotional materials and actually convinced themselves that they do read their Bible. They substituted reading the Bible for reading what people write about them. It is really like fast food. You get a quick fix but eating only fast food everyday does not make you healthy, in fact it makes you sick.

“Man does not live on ‘Daily Bread’ alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.”

Grateful

I remember doing up a devotion meant for the GII Youthcamp titled: ‘The Woah Effect’. I told them that awe is as simple as looking at God and say “Woah!!!” and without awe, no one can effectively worship God. But with awe, anyone can worship God anywhere, anytime.

This week has been nothing short of the word ‘Amazing’. I am still very much overwhelmed with gratefulness and unworthiness just at the thought of it. God is just so good. And like what my mom told me: “God must love you both so much.” Yes I agree so. Now when I look back and consider all those little things I am really amazed at the timing and all. Like how people would suddenly want to meet both of us just to catch up. Like how so many people who offered to treat us to dinners. Like how God provided wind, held back the rain, and sometimes I even thank God that He provided rain so that we can walk in it. Like how it just happens that both of us could spend so much time together this week to talk things out. Those moments really seemed like moments created just for the both of us. We really felt so blessed with all those moments burned into our memories.

I figured that the more I pray, the more coincidences seem to happen. As those coincidences stack up and accumulate, they led me to a point where I can only conclude that it must be the hand of God. Now when I consider the oft-said statements like “Godly relationships are God-given” and “Marriages are made by God”; oh manz, they are just so true! There are just simply too many possible obstacles to cross and too many coincidences that needed to happen for two people to get together and share life in tandem. And so I know deep within my conscience that God’s hand is upon the both of us, His face is turned towards us. I can really feel Him smiling at us and there is really this peace that goes beyond my understanding. We could be shy and all but there is definitely no shame or guilt. There is just this burning desire to make things honorable in view of my pastorate calling; to gain the approval of our parents and the blessing of others.

‘Awesome’ is just the word to describe my God; it is just oh so fitting. How can you look at God and not go “Woah!!!” Especially after you have considered the work of His hands. How can you look at him and not be marveled at how much he cares for you?

Fishtank Life

Somehow I figured that as God is moulding me, my rapid growth seems to rub off other people too. As I grow, those who are close to me seems to grow along with me. Like for example, regarding monetary provision, people become really encouraged in their faith when they witness how God put money in my hands just when I need it. They became witnesses to how God tangibly provided for me every time. Somehow when I grow, there are people who will rub off that growth from me.

Now, this may sound really nice and all but the flip side is this; when I get attacked spiritually by the evil one, those close to me gets it too. And the devil has always been coming down hard on me. I see this happening even in my cell, in her life. If the devil cannot get me to fall, he will always attack the ones closest and most precious to me.

God seemed to be using me as a beacon. Those who willingly follow me will find themselves growing very fast. I also seemed to be living life in a fishtank – like how God seem to be using my life to be an example of His grace as he moves through me. I am nothing spectacular. My studies is a little less than mediocre. Compared to my schoolmates I do not have any “gift” that really makes me stand out from everyone else. But somehow God chose to single me out among the rest of my peers and “called” me to be His spokes-person. What an awesome privilege this is! “When God calls you to be a preacher, do not even stoop to be a King!”

I have always prayed for my future girlfriend and wife to have such a brave soul as she would have to endure all that the devil would be throwing at her because of me. I really applaud her for having such faith in God. After all, I foresee myself to be a poor preacher living on whatever God provides… And God has always gave me enough. Even when I need money for flowers He provides them too :)

Owl

I am a night person. I come alive after 12am. So if left alone – like during the holidays, my world would slowly flip. My classic day would start at late noon, and end just before daybreak. So… school have started. The assignments are piling high, the meetings (and its requirements) are stacking too. But I really find it so hard to switch back my body clock! Every time I try to sleep at around 12, I would find myself tossing around in all sorts of possible positions trying to sleep and only succeed around 5am. and I have to wake at 6… It is bad and it is really having a drastic affect on me and my work. The worse thing is that even though I can be super tired, I still come alive after midnight, again.

If you still see me online around 2 or 3am, chase me off and pray for me yea? I really need your prayers.

Okie, I know this is really random but I really miss Jiro, Shawn, JiaLiang, Jeanie, Lionel and Kenneth… If you read this, lets hang out soon!

Untitled

The stories we shared together, fits amazingly in tandem
They speak of the plan of God, how intricate the theme

A heart so frail and precious
Me cherish the gift so tender
You made her innocent, you kept her so pure
I am the unworthy, I tremble with prudence

Inconceivably blind I must be not to see
The person you have made out just for me
Beside me all along, I went full circle just to notice
To think we almost missed each other
But your will is sovereign, it catches us still

May our hearts be set aflame for you
Let our eyes be set wholly on you
Bless the work of our hands as in your name we labour
Build us up in a relationshp that will never ever quiver

Make us gold, purify us constantly through and through.

The Call – Part 2

I do not know why whenever a speaker speaks on the subject of “calling” it will always never fail to strike an emo cord within me. This is not the general call of all believers into holiness, but the specific ministerial calling. I guess maybe it strikes me so much every time because the “call” experience was very real and very central to me.

Dr. Johnny Yeo must be a godsent. He was not supposed to be the lecturer for my current module but somehow was swapped in. Today when the lesson moved to that particular topic I almost broke down. In effort to maintain my good poise I had to act nonchalant; I hid my eyes behind the screen of my laptop, pretended to be browsing around, hoping my eyes would dry quick… but his words keep catching my ears and hitting my heart as if God is speaking to me.

The words spoken were so strong and pointed:

“If you have given up everything to come here, you have made the good choice.”
“NEVER look back! NEVER put your hands to the plough and look back!”
“NEVER give up!”
“The reward of the call is far greater than that of the world!”
“If God has called you to be a preacher, don’t stoop to be even a king!”

Old preachers are still the best. Their wealth of experience gives even simple encouragements so much added weight.

Change

A big change will be happening really soon. Maybe that is the reason why I cannot “see” past July. When I first got the wind of this change, I was like “Woah” because all the pieces fit the puzzle of what God is doing through my ministry in the cells. Suddenly all the things God has been directing me to do, makes sense, and its is really with a different focus compared to the rest of the other cells. Now looking back, God seems to be using me (through my cell) to connect “drifting” people back to the Ministry… thats why the age group are mostly non-YWAs when my cell is supposed to be of that focus age group.

My rational mind tells me that this change is constructive and necessary but my heart tells me that all these are happening too sudden. I’m sure I will not be the only one who feels this way. I mean… I have been serving under Ps. Ronald & Ps. CX for almost 9yrs now and this (forced) transition is really making me quite emo. Suddenly being apart from R-AGE feels rather surreal. Let me recap: first it was 2 yrs as CL for GDP (Jeraldine was my ACL I think), 2yrs as CM for GDP/FOOLZ Sec 1’s and 2’s (Jondave’s & Eddie’s batch), 2yrs as CM for FOOLZ (Shawn’s & Joel & Jeremy & Yixian & JiaLiang’s & Kityee’s batch), spent the next three years in the Army and doing odd jobs in the ministry, and recently for the past 6 months – CL for TGIF. Oh man, what a journey…

On the other note, I feel my time in R-AGE is ending too. God is telling me that my time is up… So, time to move on I guess. I wonder how the others would feel. Come on matt, be rational about it… Lord, please give me a new vision, a new hope and renew my strength.

Uninspired

I really do not know why I can’t see past July. For cell matters, I have been speaking to Brenda and Serene that something weird is really happening to me. Normally God would have already told me the agenda by now but now He seems silent. It is really starting to scare me.

This too is starting to take effect in the way I do the email devotions. Normally, by now I would already have a few typed out and ready to send on-click but now the well is dry. I am totally uninspired and it scares me silly. Oh Lord please give me the vision, help me see again… if not, I will have nothing much to offer. I don’t want to run on my own strength.

:(

G2Youthcamp

It was one of the best youthcamps I have ever attended. The planning time was really short but I guess the committee really managed to pull it off. This whole camp was really a good reminder for me to crave God’s anointing and not ability for we are not the change agent; God is. The games and “sermons” were just awesome. Every single one of them were like structured experiences. When I was told that the ideas were original, I was like wow-ed, God really give people powerful ideas and his anointing was definitely on the team.

However the thing that really struck me the most is when I joined the committee and the other youth leaders for their morning prayer. Oh boy, they really know how to pray! There and then God told me that their desperation and humility is the reason for their rapid growth. I mean just look at the vast difference between the P.U.S.H. sessions of the G2 Youth Service versus that of the YA and G1 services. They really put the Young Adults (leaders) to shame. Of course everyone have their own reason not to attend but if we really were to evaluate the attendance as a whole, I dare conclude that we are not humble enough, and thus cooperate prayers are deemed not as important compared to the things we need to do.

In my opinion, the G2Youthcamp is so much better than the retreat. Maybe my view is biased because I really love youths and the G2 youths are so much different from those at G1. Humility characterized their approach, nothing is too “uncool” for them to do. And God’s heart really goes out to the humble and contrite.

I really missed them, I wished that was my ministry but God seems to be using me in another ministry… So… Passion and Ministry can be different, it all depends on where God decide to use you at any point of time.

Day 9 @ KL

We bought tickets to watch “Blood of the Last Vampire” at Pavilion. Oh my goodness, that movie really sucked. So to avoid wasting our money, we went out of the theater door and tired our luck at crashing the other theaters. Popped our heads into the one next door and it was “17 again”, popped our heads into the next one and it was… “Hanna Montana”, then Shawn + Euginn went in to sit on the empty seats. I was like “huh, come on lets try the other theaters…” but I ended up sitting down too. Can’t believe I actually watched that… but heck, it is free :) When that show ended, we tried our luck again by sneaking out through the theater entrance but we got busted ha! So our spree ended.

“Be prepared to run okie?!” Says Euginn as he decides to try something funny after supper on some weird stranger trying to get shady business from the passer-bys. The stranger calls out to him, Euginn replies and the stranger started to come over to where we are. We then dart into a nearby shop for crowd protection. When the guy started to go away, we started to walk back to our apartment while watching our backs all the time. Another stranger seem to be following us!

It is just so fun living on the spontaneous. Been up in KL after p&p – before retreat starts and now I am back in KL, Bukit Bintan, after the retreat when I am supposed to be back in Singapore. Shawn was bunking with me during the retreat and on the last night he asked me “eh matt, follow me back to KL after retreat lei”. I said “No” because my mind was on the youthcamp coming up and on the things that needed to be done. But after a quick shower I came back to him and said “Yes” thinking that things would be a little rushed but it will be oh so fun! Oh gosh, my heart of adventure is still ticking ha. At this rate, I will only arrive back in SG/G2 on Sunday evening for youthcamp and will only step back into my home (sweet home) on Wednesday evening! Wow, what a traveling trip this semester break!

Going to SIBKL Church with Shawn + Euginn at the invite of Sis Christine. Gonna be another fun evening!

Strange Retreat Take-away

For some reason, personally, this retreat seems to find its focus on relationship issues. I really do not know why but throughout the retreat 4 different people came to me to talk about this and to be honest, this has been the issue that has been bugging me for the past few months. It is slowly consuming me, and eating me up from the inside. I even find it being the reason for some of my sleepless nights. I guess it is good that I am able to voice this out when those 4 people came to talk to me about it. I think in some ways they are godsent because they are the people that I am totally comfortable sharing with.

I guess in some ways it still hurts. When Ps.Sam talked about past hurts and self-forgiveness, this issue began to resonate within me. I realized that it still really hurt even thou it has been 7 years already. I guess unless I get through with this fear I will never be able to start a new relationship with peace. Oh God, please help me. Make me new with renewed strength and courage to love again. Give me new eyes so that I can see the things you want me to see.

This is one of my most weak areas and its sad to know that the devil knows it too. He has been coming down strong on it and his desire is for me to fall. But I will not fall easy because I have a God who is holding me up and I have people praying for me everyday. Even though I am only a jar of clay I shall not be destroyed because God’s grace is sufficient for me.

Motivational Gifts – Part 2

Continued from Part 1 taken from The New Guidebook for Pastors by James W. Bryant and Mac Brunson based on Romans 12.

Romans 12:9-15 list the characteristics and vulnerabilities of each gift. Verse 9 relates to verse 6 and comments on prophecy. The person with this gift must connect love to the exercise of this gift. If he is not careful and prayerful when lashing out those sharp and convicting words, he would end up with many broken hearts. Little sins bother the prophet – this is both a characteristic and a vulnerability. If he allows the little sins to come into his own life, he will be robbed of power when he speaks. He will preach to others but become disqualified himself.

Verse 10 relates to the first part of verse 7 and it comments on the gift of service. Service rendered without love is empty. If the Christian renders service out of duty rather than out of love, he will burn himself out.

Verse 11 relates to verse 7 and it comments on the gift of teaching. The teacher is to be diligent, meaning to work hard at learning so that he can teach. It also speaks of passion and being fervent in the spirit.

Verse 12 relates to verse 8 and it gives a stern warning to the exhorter. This is a “cheerleading” gift. They have a knack of apply scripture to life and their preaching often become “how-to sermons”. But the person often expects people to follow his list and gets discouraged when people do not follow his directions. The exhorter must not give up on people and must be patient and prayerful and keep hoping that they would get it. After all, God is the change agent, not the exhorter.

Verse 13 relates to verse 9 and it comments on the gift of giving. All believers are called to give, but there are some people with that special gift of giving. In verse 13 he is warned not to be content with only giving money but also his time and personal attention. Thus this gift could also be called the gift of hospitality.

Verse 14 relates to verse 8 it gives a stern warning to the person with the gift of leading. Some people just have this natural skill of organizational ability however this verse is not talking about natural-borne leaders but rather, about spiritual leadership. The leader should expect opposition. The effective leader will have opposition, but he must never succumb to the temptation of lashing out at his opponents. Even if they are to resist, he is to bless them and not to lose his temper over their reluctance.

Verse 15 is related to the later part of verse 8 where it tells the person with the gift of mercy to to function with happiness instead of sadness. It is an emotional gift and it ministers to the emotional needs of the people. He is to rejoice first with those who are rejoicing so that he can be allowed to weep with them when they weep.

The Call

I still remember there was a time (like 6 years back?) during one of the services where the pastor called us to divide ourselves among our different “industries” – like the field where we feel God is calling us to. I went to the creative/design side of the hall to be prayed for, thinking “of course design lar, coz it rocks!” I remember looking over to the small group who represent those who think that God had called them into full-time service, be it missionary or pastoral. I remember looking over and say “Heng arh! If not life would be so boring…” Little do I know some day down the road God would tell me that He had reserved a place for me in the ‘boring club’.

It was really a blessing to read what I’m reading now. There was a portion where it talks about the Minister’s call. “The pastor may at times doubt even his own salvation but he will never doubt his call.” Oh man, this is so true. I still cannot forget the time when God called me with the words “I want to use you in ministry.” I can still remember the exact words, the place I was when he singled me out. I can still remember what was happening when he called, I still remember the exact thing I was doing when He called. It was a definite moment that could be recalled at will.

I was so shocked and at the same time comforted to be able to identify with all of the points the author defined. It was read like a systematic structure – like if you are called to “full-time” you would have experienced this, this, this, and that plus that and you will never be able to forget all of the above-mentioned. Oh man, I did not even know my experience could be systematized into a checklist-like thing and never in remotest thinking would I thought that my experience is actually the norm for the called minister.

However, up till now I still do not know why I so readily agreed upon receiving God’s call. Its like how Jesus chose his disciples – when chosen, the disciples just say “orh okie” and began following no question asked. The doubts only came in when I started to question if God would really provide for me. But even so, it was never a doubt of calling. A momentary gift of faith maybe? Yea, maybe…

Maybe I need to hang out with the pastors more often. Fellowship as such is so much needed as only they would be able to fully identify and relate to what I am going through. Sharing with other people would often result in weird stares and bewildered expressions because I am the minority.

Motivational Gifts – Part 1

I just started with this new book on pastoral ministries and I really like what I’m reading! Here is an illustration when it comes to the gifts of the spirit – specifically those under the classification “Motivational Gift.”

Imagine a woman coming out of a food line with a tray of food (imagine Ikea). There is a microphone wire stretched out across the floor. It has been taped down but part of it has come loose and the poor woman catches the wire with the toe of her shoe. She almost falls dropping her tray in the process. Now seven different people with seven different gifts of the spirit spring into action.

The person with the gift of prophecy says, “The person who taped down the wire should be more careful, and you should have been more careful too.” The person with the gift of service says, “Let me clean it up.” The person with the gift of teaching says, “The tape should have been put down more securely. If you have lift up your leg just an inch higher this would not have happened.” The person with the gift of exhortation will say, “Come on. Get up. Let’s try it again. I know you would get it right this time.” The person with the gift of giving says, “Let me buy you another meal.” The one with the gift of mercy says, “You poor thing. Are you hurt?” The person with the gift of leading will say, “George, get a broom. Marc, get a mop. Steve, get her another meal. Mary help her over to the table.” It takes all seven of these gift to make a church in the likeness of Christ.

Romans 12:6-8 itemizes 7 different motivational gifts: prophecy (proclaiming the truth), serving (meeting peoples’ physical needs), teaching (clarifying the truth), exhorting (encouraging), giving (meeting peoples’ financial needs), leading (meeting people organizational needs), and mercy (meeting peoples’ emotional needs). There is a principle of concentration in these verses. This means that every Christian ought to recognize and exercise their motivational gift. As the Christian concentrate on that gift, it will become the power by which he serves. Although he is commanded in the New Testament to practice all the seven gifts, only one of them will really motivate him. The motivational gift will never change throughout a person’s ministry. His ministry gift may change but the power by which he serves will never change.

So what motivates you? Tell me!

Bits and Pieces – Part 4

I have always prided myself in my prophetic gift, like somehow it seemed easier for me to hear God compared to most people I know. Somehow, I need not try so hard to “hear” God and sense what He wants me to do… and so far I have never been wrong when it comes to direction. It is like this funny compass within me that always points North – all I have to do is to align myself with North.

Recently, somehow God has allowed obstacles to appear that seemed contrary the direction which I clearly heard, that he told me to go. Although I have heard from various people about this type of scenario, it is still rather new to me because it is either 1) I heard wrongly or 2) God is trying to test me. Since it cannot be option 1 then I conclude it must be option 2 and boy, it is really such a challenge to my theology – like how can God contradict Himself? So this is really a testing of my gift in some real sense.

It is ironic how I recently taught the cell a lesson on ultimate submission based on Galatians chapter 1. That even when Paul was confident of his ministry and his calling; even when he was having a successful ministry, yet he still chose to submit and heed the counsel of James and Peter – the head apostles. There are so many times in his various epistles that he stated in that he is not a servant of Man but a servant of Christ, but despite all these he still placed himself under James and Peter when he could very well skip that submission step. “I am not a servant of Man but a servant of Christ” – Oh! How much have we abused that statement and used it to support our rebellious tendencies!

This really spoke to me in a very real sense – like since I am very sure of the direction (just as how Paul is sure of his calling) but when situation presents itself as contrary obstacles in achieving the end of that direction, two questions emerge: “will I still choose to submit?” or “will I fight against it to get my way for the betterment of the cell?” It really seemed unwise to fight my way through and display ungodliness.

So for cell, I have resolved to submit even though I have tons of valid reasons not to. Since God has put up a “road block” I would have to learn to flow along and let God do the leading. Trusting that somehow he has a better plan. Afterall, the emphasis is on the process, not the end product.

It seems that every time I thought I might have got God figured out, God will throw something new at me. His purpose can be concluded to combat the pride that would so naturally develop; to tell me I am just a created being, just like any other created being – puny small but significant enough for Him to die for me. Whenever the gift becomes more significant than the gift-giver, God would step in and humble us.

So somehow, recently things have been falling in place. There is so much happening in my life now that I need 4 parts to cover the “recent” things that happened. All those bits and pieces seem to have meaning embedded in them and fit each other in the giant jigsaw. It goes to show that the character and workings of God is active even when His “hand” could not often be seen.

Bits and Pieces – Part 3

Something felt strangely amiss when the allowance from church did not arrived in my mail by 22May. The hesitation to call up the church office was real – after all, I figured that it is really not so nice asking “Hi, May I enquire if you have sent my allowance for this month?” of someone who in their goodwill, decided to sponsor my studies and to provide me with monthly allowance. So I decided to wait, like maybe the cheque is still processing, or maybe something cropped up so it would take longer… So again things became tight financially but only a few people know this. Somehow, I guess I have grown in this financial-faith area through the past experience of “spectacular somethings” which I blogged about. Even though the need is pressing, now I have really no worries about it and truly, God did provide in the small ways till now. I’m still able to get my live normally without any signs to show any lack.

On 29May, I found myself redrawing my second-last $20 from the DBS machine. This time I really took up the courage to call the church office only to find out that they already sent the cheque out two weeks ago. Since I’m so sure I have not seen any traces of it in my mailbox, I called my parents and asked them to check their dressing table in their bedroom as there might be a chance where the letter could be misplaced in the pile of letters they usually leave there. And yes, 30mins later I received a phonecall saying it was found. On 30May, after giving my usual offering, I redrew my last $20 from the DBS machine at Holland V. knowing that God really does provide… sometimes through the weakness of His servants.

This cheque means alot to me. I was driven rather low in my reserve last month because I had to pay for two retreats – one for church, and another for school. Receiving it now means that I would have money to spend in KL; it means that I have money to buy flowers; it means that I would have money to pay off my bills and even shop abit! (since the next cheque is coming on 10June!) I guess God has His way of helping me save up money. If not for this unexpected situation I guess I would not have as much money to spend in KL.

Wheeeee, happening times ahead!

Bits and Pieces – Part 2

I’m free… Well, almost.

Now that my exams are over and all my papers are submitted, I just want to slack. The lure of games and movies/dvds are so great. However there are so much more things to finish up – things I never got much chance to touch given my heated school schedule.

These are the things that I really need to get doing.
1. Lighthouse Magazine (much work to be done)
2. Postcard Designs for “Finding the Perfect Job” Seminar @ Aug 10
3. Design Proposal for R-AGE 2010 Cal. due for printing @ Oct – Nov
4. Cell Stuff

Even though they are only 4 points. They really require so much work! (esp no. 1) I hope I can get them done before school reopens.

These are the things I want to do.
1. Meet up with people.
2. Grace Retreat !!! (KL is calling meee…)
3. Movies, Games & Videos!
4. Laze around, do nothing or have a sleeping marathon.
5. Practice my Greek (I know this sounds crazy, but I need it)

Bits and Pieces – Part 1

The past week have been tough. Its really a challenge when I have to slot in my ministry stuff and my studies. I guess the crunch of week came on Fri and Sat where I have cell lesson to prepare (and teach) while having a 10-paged paper + presentation + exams on Sat morning which I haven’t start. Basically, cell matters and meeting took up my day + night. So I started my paper at 1am and worked through the night. By God grace I managed to complete the paper by 8am, studied for my exam in a cab, present my paper to the class at 1pm. Wow, to think I actually managed to produce a paper in 7hrs – God is amazing.

I guess in some ways, my research on Revivalism has changed the way I approach the subject. I used to be one of those people who would be so critical about the “enthusiasm” that is produced by spiritual “high”. I keep wondering to myself if all these are made up by people so as to give people an illusion of the presence of the Holy Spirit. Those questions were asked because I have witnessed that when the revival fizzles off, the lives of the people seems to go back to “normal” – nothing much is changed. This observation takes its negative effect when people start to stay away from events under the labeling of “Revival”. The notion of revival now carries a negative connotation. I guess these are valid reasons for people to think this way.

The common Revivalist mentality is to see revival as an end. That means the church (or individual) is either experiencing revival or are a stage of spiritual decline. But we know also that this either-or mentality is not fully true as the Holy Spirit is actively working in our lives everyday regardless of how we feel.

Thus the proper definition of revival is the greater manifestation of the work the Holy Spirit is already doing – it is to be seen as a bonus to the “salary” we have always been getting. Just like how it is up to your boss to give you the bonus, its the same with revival – it is all God’s work and can never be generated by Man.

“Revival” hence is a term to describe a greater out pouring of the spirit than the usual. In this way, revival is always greatly needed. It should be sought after and prayed for. Excluding oneself from claims to revival is not right and it can actually be used by the devil as a facade to hide our spiritual pride. People start to ask rhetorical questions like: “Why should I be there when God is everywhere?” and “Why is a revival (“hype” as they defined it) needed when this regenerating process should happen daily?”

To this my reply is: “Whoever said that God reveals Himself to us on our terms?” If our boss suddenly give us a bonus without reason, say tomorrow, will we not take it? So why are we being skeptical of Revivals? Where is our humility to just take it? Well, maybe thats because you do not need God as much as you thought you should.

Faith, as Jesus defined it, is really not about knowing what should be right or what should be wrong or the what “should be” for that matter. Faith is not about having the knowledge of who God is. Faith however displays itself in the individual’s desire for the presence of God (or the ‘touch’ of God as some people would define it). We should chase God where ever He “goes” – to be where He is.

Edwards on Revival

An opportunity to study the life and writings of Jonathan Edwards arose through a class assignment – this being an excerpt of the study/readings done. Edwards was one of the key personalities during the first Great Awaking and his contribution to revivalism had been pivotal for generations after him till this day.

The bulk of Edward’s writing seem to be centered on the nature of authentic conversion, or what he called “true religion”. When the revival subsided, opponents of the revival started coming out the open and critics started to issue stern warnings against religious enthusiasm to their hearers. With reference to the lives of backslided converts, people started to question the authenticity of the revival itself. Even defenders of the Awakening were having second thoughts about some of its manifestations. This resulted in disunity of the people, with members within the different churches breaking off to form their own congregations and there were many accusations within the church body of each other being unregenerate.

In effort to defend the Awakening as being a genuine work of God, and to reunite the body of Christ, Edwards produced one of his greatest work, “A Treatise Concerning Religious Affections” published in 1746. Edwards emphasized in the preface that one of Satan’s favorite strategies was to simulate genuine religious experiences in extreme ways that were caricatures of the real thing, hence discrediting the whole. The central problem that was addressed in Religious Affections was how to differentiate true believers from the imitations. Conversion transform the perception of the individual where the person senses new things in a new way. Conversion according to Edwards is not a moment, but rather an ongoing event. Edwards wrote that “Sudden conversions are often false…” His readers ought to take that view in moderation was well. That is because there are true exceptions (eg. Apostle Paul) and this is not a reason for believers to be too skeptical about conversions thus denying the work of the supernatural to suddenly change a life.

His writings in the area of revivalism cannot be overlooked. It is relevant for the Pentecostal/Charismatic movement whose emphasis is on the experience of the Holy Spirit. It helps to sift out the genuine from the imitations and for the churches to effectively disciple and minimize backsliding believers. His writings also help churches to have an expectation of what is to come during a revival and what revival was meant to be. It helps people moderate their views regarding religious experiences. Religious experiences are subjective, what that matters is the transformed life.

Leadership Reflections Part 2

The one thing that I have learnt from leading cells in the Youth and YA is that “Excitement is Contagious”. So if I can get the cell excited about their own cell, they will draw more people in. However, without direction there will be no excitement. You will need to get people to see the things the way you see it and move them toward where you want them to move.

Direction -> Excitement -> Growth -> Multiplication

This same pattern seems to apply on a ministry level too. If I can get the people excited about their own ministry, they will draw more people in. However, without direction there will be no excitement.

“Where there is no vision, the people perish: but he that keepeth the law, happy is he.” Proverbs 29:18

Of course, all these happens only if God permits. Direction must be sought from God. God builds His own house, we are merely His vessels. The “hand” of God needs to move. The excitement we plan for and generate is limited. However if things are planned alongside God’s anointing, your ministry/cell will flourish and growth will be felt.

The kingdom of God works by God’s Spirit and is in direct contrast to how things of “the world” are been run. It is the same as how the poor in spirit would “see” God and how the meek would inherit the Earth. And it could be reasoned that all these are the way they are so that no one can boast and take the credit due God alone.

The Great Cloud of Witnesses

I have always distanced myself from historical subjects back when I was in secondary school because my past encounters with them were never friendly. But now I need to undergo a 2-week intensive module on Church history. So before this module started, I really prayed, asking God to open my eyes to see the rich value of my Christian heritage. And God did open my eyes to see His hand throughout history. As I begin to read about the various individuals, I see just how normal they are – people just as frail as you and me. I see also, how God rose them up during times of need to serve the purpose He had for them.

And God had to make me read Hebrews 11, where it shows the “Hall of Faith” leading up to Hebrews 12:1 “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses…” This is a picture of those great men and women of God cheering us on, hoping we’ll carry the torch that they left behind, drawing us to the finishing line.

For those that went before us, they became our greatest cheerleaders. And it is not only limited to those people who were mentioned in Hebrews 11. The “great cloud” included those martyrs, and the unnamed millions who have risked it all for the Gospel. Most importantly they include my deceased friends and family members who I loved and missed dearly. They too are among the people of the “great cloud”.

My perspective totally changed when I read that verse. Now whenever I read about those people like D.Livingstone, J.Calvin, M.Luther and J.Edwards, I can just imagine those significant personalities standing among everyone else in the “great cloud” as my cheerleaders saying together: “Come on. Press on. Finish it. I did it, so can you!”

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.” (Hebrews 12:1-2)

Their faith in God becomes my own.

Leadership Reflections

Modern society like to make clear distinctions among different groups of people and how social treatment is determined by their contribution to society. People deemed this as fairness. In this elitist society, it becomes difficult for people to love the other lesser achieving person. It becomes difficult to emphasize with the failure of the other person.

However in the Christian worldview, instead of highlighting the difference, believers should emphasize more on highlighting the similarities. Thats because all human beings are created in the image of God with the capability of displaying Christ-like character. Unity is the prime objective. There is humility in the commonness of Man.

As for ministry, it could be observed that Jesus met the needs of everyone a little differently. In the same manner, leaders who function as shepherds of their flocks must model after Jesus. This makes it improper to love everyone the same way, and thus expecting everyone to conform to that mold.

It is stated that everyone should submit to the authority placed over them and acknowledge their leadership as one ordained by God. It should also be noted that the reality of this command is not so easily lived out. For some people, this is a very real struggle. Everyone needs a different reason to trust and respect the authority placed over them. Some people need to feel accepted but there are also some people who needs the leader to be consistently right.

Everyone is a little different. Thats what makes everyone a unique creation of God. It then becomes the responsibility of the leadership to gain the trust of the people they are leading. Therefore, as much as the members tries their best to submit, those in the leadership should make it as easy for them to submit. This is the way Christ loved the Church. It is a high order, a huge responsibility.

Nepal?

There has always been a heart of adventure within me. I have always dreamed of traveling around the world on the missionary ship, Doulos, or going to some place far away from home to preach and figure my way around. Sadly, due to the lack of money, the furthest I have ever been to is Chang Mai, Thailand and Cebu, The Philippines. All of my trips overseas (by plane) are mission trips because my family could not afford to travel.

My heart really leaped when I heard that Grace Missions is going to sponsor people to Nepal under the ACTS program. I really so wanted to go. Back when I was primary one to primary six, I was told stories of trips to Nepal by my Sunday School teachers (that is the impact Sunday School teachers have). So Nepal is kinda always stuck with me. My heart really gave a big sigh when I saw the date and duration of the trip. It totally clashes with my school schedule, actually, my school schedule does not really allow much time for missions around the June/July/August period.

Bro Scott called me today and told me that, I would be able to do my practicum with Grace Missions via the ACTS program! (kill two birds with one stone!) Later in the service, Andrea talked to me about the same thing and told me about how people over at Grace Missions are making space to accommodate my schedule. Like it is now possible for me to go to Nepal in mid Nov to end Dec for a 1+ month (paid) trip.

Oh man, my eyes are totally lit, the passion is back. I really want to go, but can I? Responsibilities are holding me back. December is the month of holidays. It is the time to bond my cell together, bring them on trips (since there are many combined services). Should I really spend my December, Christmas and New Year overseas?

Salvation

I had the opportunity to spent a day with Euginn (a friend of Shawn’s) back when I was in KL at March. He chatted me up on msn last night saying that he received Christ just last week. I’m not really sure of the reason why but I just found myself smiling throughout the night thinking about the greatness of my God – who is able to captivate thinkers for centuries, awed by His majesty. People say that at the reception of Christ, believers are at the same time throwing away their brain… but that is just so not true. There are just as many top thinkers who are atheistic in their worldview as there are Christians. Can it be that those Christians have no reason for their faith?

Shawn told me that his other friend, the one living in the same apartment as him, has received Christ too. Wow, I am really so happy. God is really doing a great work through Shawn’s life. I’m so proud of him :) Anyways I gave Euginn two advices, since he lived in KL and me in SG: 1) Read the Bible in episodes, not in chapters. 2) The Bible is meant to be studied (not read on the surface) because the materials inside is not meant for the modern audience. Its real meaning/value is buried under layers of culture and history. Thats what make biblical interpretation challenging.

I pray that he would find a church where he would grow in. I hope that when I see him again a few years later, he would be serving strongly in the kingdom of God.

Heres part of our conversation:

Euginn: Hey, I received Christ one week ago…
Matt: Wow! So what made you jump? (I meant the leap of faith)
Euginn: God.
Matt: Well, I guess there are certain assumptions that only makes sense when answered theistically.
Euginn: Gosh, how do you read my mind?
Matt: I walked the same path.

Atheism does not stand long. People can argue back and forth about how morals are basically subjective; about how God does not exist and about how big assumptions need big evidences… but at the end of the day, there are certain assumptions that must be made in order for life to be coherent; and it so happens that those assumptions can only makes sense when answered theistically.

Like my friend, Velve, used to tell me, “When I die or committed suicide, heaven, hell and/or reincarnation better not be real”. Yes, they better not be real or else you will be worst off than just being dead. Well, at least his faith is rather strong for an atheist.

“Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell.” (Matt 10:28)

Ramblings

Ministry is lonely; especially as a leader, when you stand between the people and the evil one saying that: “if you want to get them you will have to go through me”. The attacks of the evil one is strong but I guess the pain really comes when your members don’t see things the way you see it because they don’t feel the wave of attack coming because they are being blocked. And your members don’t believe you. It hurts, really. The most painful “attack” are those coming from your own people whom you love and protect.

Basically, those who sees further will get the attacks first. And that is the basic task of a prophet – to warn his people. Maybe that is why most prophets in the OT are intercessors too, like how they plead for God to delay judgement towards the people who do not heed their warnings.

Maybe thats why fellowship is so important. Among the crowd, there will be a few (God given) people who sees things the way that you do, those who understands your pain, and serves the people through the same gifting that you have. I really thank God for people like Brenda, Serene, Yun, Rachoo and Ps.Esther and Ps.Cuixian… Omgosh, all females :(

Mentors

I was made to create a list of mentors at the recent Combined Leaders’ Meeting. Well, I thought that it would be interesting to share with you the important people that influenced me theologically and in the way I do things.
So there is my list, 7 of them:

_ Ps. Ronald Yow
He is my favourite pastor. I have always admired him for his leadership capacity and his love for people. Been serving under him in the ministry for almost 9 years now, witnessed how R-AGE is being transformed by God under his leadership. I (still) applaud him for pulling through the transformation period (in year 2000) where he faced so many oppositions but refused to bend or break. I really hope that someday I might be like him.

_ Brenda Chelliah
She is my only active mentor for now. She teaches me how to pray by being the example. More importantly from her life, I learn how to be bold in exercising my prophetic + discernment paired gifting. Its like living the life of a prophet.

_ Lim Han Hui David
He doesn’t know how much I look up to him. The gift of Wisdom + Teaching is just so pronounced in his life. And I’m learning so much from him by just chatting with him on the way home from school. I always loved the chances when I can chat with him. When it happens that we are in the same class, he takes whatever the lecturer is teaching and turn it into ways more effectively understood and he re-teaches it to dumb me.

_ Ravi Zacharias
I’m very influenced by Zacharias in the way I do apologetics. He is one of my first reads. Unlike Josh Mcdowell, He’s an Arts person, like me; so he’s more of the big concept first, details later. He goes for the assumptions and uproot the crux of the question. He does not really touch on the content of the gospel message but he focuses more on the presentation of the gospel.

_ Reindhard Bonnke
Bonnke is my inspiration in evangelism. He is the one who knocks into me the important point where, the gospel message is designed to be simple and easily shared. So he somehow balances my focus on apologetics. The message must be simple even when truth (the full expository of it) is complicated.

_ David Wilkerson
This old man has such a pastoral heart. Despite his old age, he is still mightily used by God as a prophet to those who heed his message. Reading his devotions via RSS really helps me glean from him, his pastoral + prophetic heart.

_ Velve Long
He is anti-Christ, a strong atheist who finds his worldview akin to those of the Tibetan Buddhism. He is 8 years older than me. We met in design school as students and we got off well together and started to bounce our thoughts off each other. In many ways, he is my thinking mentor, he thought me how to think – and this is so important because without him I guess I would not be so developed in my thinking. So you can say I have some sort of atheistic background to begin with. Maybe that is why I can formulate and defend so many tough questions that attack the basic assumptions of the Christian faith.

Lies

The special thing about lies from the evil one is that they are powerful. They make us see things that do not exist and it is really very convincing unless we remember who God is. This we will know by reading His Word, knowing His character and remembering His promises made to us. All these become our shield of faith.

Those lies take the power out of our prayers. Like we will begin to beg God instead of declaring in faith. Why beg when it is a promise that we can claim? The devil is not interested in the salvation of our unsaved friends and loved ones, what he wants is us, and he does it by discouragement; but we must remember that all these are big fat lies.

Do not let the evil one stop you from praying. If we can beat the devil in prayer, we can beat him on every other grounds. If we can beat the devil in prayer meetings we can beat him in any other meeting from the cells to the services. Amen!

Mustard Seed Faith

Recently I had the chance to write a devotion on faith. I used Luke 17:6 as a passing statement that “faith is therefore not about size, but it is really all about type.” After that email was sent, people started to ask me questions regarding my interpretation. Below is one of them and I decided to share it with you :) Enjoy.

Question: I have always thought that the passage is referring primarily to the size of faith. What do you mean by the right type of faith? There is a wrong type? So what’s the wrong type?

Answer: Its interesting to note that the disciples also thought the same way as you did. The disciples thought that faith is really by size when they told Jesus to increase their faith. But Jesus replied: “If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mulberry tree, ‘Be uprooted and planted in the sea,’ and it will obey you.” – Luke 17:6

The disciples sought an increase in size, but Jesus here gave them a directly opposite reference, as if to challenge their perspective. The disciples were expecting Jesus to speak of something big but instead got referred to something small. The only analogy here is the phrase “Be uprooted and planted in the sea, and it will obey you.” – what it means is that “the impossible can be done”.

What does all these say to us then? It means that Jesus is saying that faith is really not about size. It is not about the equation where one would need big faith to conquer big situations. Rather Jesus says here that even the smallest of faith can conquer the impossible.

Okie this may sound dumb but the “wrong” type of faith here is just anything that deviates from the “right”. So instead of focusing on what is wrong, lets focus on what that is right. The right type of faith is one that will trust God no-matter-what. No matter how dumb the solution to an impossible situation is, no matter how dumb we as Christians may appear to the world, we would still choose to obey. Because we know that our God is sovereign.

Therefore there is no such thing as “having more faith”, Jesus only tells us to have faith. Faith is not countable, we either have it or don’t. We may not understand God’s ways but we can always trust God despite the circumstances – thats faith.

In Christ, I Am

I am not defined by the petty price tags mentality of society
There are no limits when it comes to my destiny
For before the Earth was made, my path was laid down for me
I have no religion, not formed by tradition
I have no colour
I have a piece of every country inside of me
I am royalty, a child of the King
My family is countless, we all share the same name
I am gold in the making, constantly going through the flame
I am blessed to be a blessing and for generations will remain
By grace, my curses are destroyed, never to return again
My body and my soul and my spirit agree,
that this anointing should never go away from me
I have no fear for I know who holds tomorrow
and that is why I am so keen to valor
I am ready for the war, I have been seen to fight
With my sword I defend my pride
No weapon formed against me will ever succeed
So once again I feel the need to proceed
As I take my shield I will not be ashamed
While God lives inside me, I proudly proclaim
I am not defined by the petty price tags mentality of society
My inheritance lies far beyond eternality
There are no limits when it comes to my destiny
And as the deep goes deeper, I find my name.
I am new breed
___________
Found this on Israel and New Breed Facebook page. If you have got Facebook, you can listen to the narration here. Look to the left hand side, there will be a music player. Click on the song “I AM NEW BREED POEM”. Pretty cool stuff, too bad I cannot find it anywhere else but there; even the lyrics does not exist. Hope you find this as uplifting as I felt while listening to the oration over and over and typing this out.

Pulpit Ministry

On Wednesday during school chapel, the pastor preached about the importance of the pulpit ministry. There was one part where he says that today is the age where people have a multitude of choices. So much so that when the pastor preaches on Sunday, the members would be grading him because they have access to all the famous and excellent speakers from around the world. Then he goes on to say “but you must not let all these discourage you.” “Because those famous and excellent speakers from around the world cannot take the place of the local church.” “Because only the local pastor/leader can speak a message meant for the people at that point of time.”

So, the pastoral ministry is very much like the ministry of the prophets. As much as they are attuned to what God wants to say, they are also fully aware of their local spiritual and physical atmosphere. It is so very important for the pastor/leader to be attuned to what God is doing. Actually, if they are not attuned, they cannot even serve at all. There will be no value-add. Without the direction, there is really no difference between the members who are coming physically to church, or staying at home, online listening to sermons from their choice preachers.

House Bum

Recently I have been really free and have been pushing off all work to enjoy spending time idling my days away at home. It is just weird how this undirected lifestyle could directly affect my spiritual life. I became really lazy, everything that could be pushed till a later date would be pushed. I can stay at home for a few days in a row, not stepping out of my house gate, until I really need to get things done. I need to change. Everything is so cloudy now and I can’t seem to hear God as sharp as I used to. Is that the reason why God told me things in advance? Like this was expected to happen? Anyhow, this drought needs to end. I thank God for the various people who came to ask me out, and asked me how I’m doing. It really helped :)

As for now, I really thank God for ZhongHan. He is just such a joy to hang around with and recently he introduced me to this anime series called “Kenichi”. It is like so nice! Trying to down the whole 50 episodes before my exams hahaa. Apachai! Okie, I’m addicted. I guess this would be the new Naruto for me.

On a side note, I have been subscribing to David Wikerson’s blog via RSS where he puts up devotions which I always find rhema to me. He is really such a prophet used by God to minister to everyone who is willing to read/hear him. Here is what he wrote recently under the title “Contentment”:

The world today might say to (the apostle) Paul, “You are at the end of your life now. Yet you have no savings, no investments. All you have is a change of clothes.” I know what Paul’s answer would be: “Oh, but I’ve won Christ. I tell you, I’m the winner. I’ve found the pearl of great price. Jesus granted me the power to lay down everything, and take it up again myself. Well, I laid it all down, and now a crown awaits me. I have only one goal in this life: to see my Jesus, face to face. All the sufferings of this present time can’t be compared with the joy that awaits me.”

This has always been a big concern of mine. I have crap for savings and practically, it seems that I would never have enough to do the things I want to do. I have always wondered if I would ever have enough money to get married, have kids, to buy a house, design my own home, design the furniture, get a car. I have literally given up riches and glory for that pearl of great price; will that be a joy that is worth it all? Lord, teach me to find my contentment, my security, in you. Help me not to follow you and keep looking back at the same time.

ps: I even came up with a list of names for my future kids! Jude, Toby, Darius; Claire, Sarah ,Gracie. Ha!

Original Language

This week has been a relative easy one, the main struggle, as usual, is to combat inertia. One big highlight is that I actually managed to do well in my Greek quiz. I was like awed because it is really by the grace of God. Like I actually can remember the words that I forgot to memorize! The past few weeks have been really discouraging. For some reason, the moment my pen hits the paper, my mind would blank out and because of that I can see my grades sliding and it really becomes scary when the scenario keep repeating itself again and again. But I’m really thankful that God opened my eyes to see the patterns and now finally the grammar is starting to make sense.

I’m really not a language person and I would have given up, dropped the module, changed track, if God had not told me that this is the way I should go. Many times I keep wondering why God wants me to go down this path. Its very much like placing myself on the chopping board defense-less and even now I wonder if I would be able to make it to the end. But seriously, as bad as I am in languages, I still believe that learning Greek and Hebrew is fundamental to the future exegete. I very much believe that inspiration, and thus, inerrancy of scripture stops at the original language they were being written to be understood. The translation to the Latin Vulgate, Septuagint (LXX), English (and many others) are not inspired, thus each of the different translations are open to the translators’ culture influences. As much as the translation work is to be objective, the translations are always coloured by the translators’ view of who God is.

Like for example, in the greek text, the word for “wife” could also be translated as “woman”, and the preposition for “in the spirit” can also be “with the spirit”. This gave raise to tremendous disagreements on issues like “divorce and re-marriage” and the issue on “speaking in tongues”. This is how denominations came about. This sets the Pentecostals and Charismatics apart from the more conservative denominations. So yes, truth is exclusive, there can only be one right answer. However the answer is embedded in the original language meant for it’s original audience. This makes sound biblical exegesis extremely time consuming and exceedingly tough. Even as tough as it gets, over the controversial issues such as the above mentioned, exegetes have been debating for many centuries and their arguments are still pretty much endless. Now the arguments have been classified and given terms named after the theologians who pioneered them. Among many others are two recognizable big names, Arminian and Calvinism. Citing those terms is the same as to cite their package of argument on their view of who God is and how the controversial passages are to be interpreted.

Now looking back it is just so amazing to note the way God works. Studies now find that the Hebrew language is the best medium for the preservation of God’s word as only in that language do people find the translated meaning perfectly intact. Like in the book of Psalms the literary structure still remains even though the rhythmic structure is gone after translation. If you try it with other language it will not work the same way. Just try translating any Mandarin poem literally into English and you will see what I mean.

It is also just as amazing to note God’s appointed time; like even before Christ came, the tone is already set. Its like us asking God: “Of all the time Christ could be sent, why send him at that specific point of time?”. Now looking back on history we can easily see three reasons. 1) The wide-spread of greek language and culture has been established by Alexander the Great; 2) many places were connected via the good roads built by the Roman empire – hence the phrase “all roads lead to Rome”; and 3) the Jews are hungry; they are eagerly waiting for their promised Messiah. These factors really facilitated the spread of the gospel message, or the modern term – evangelism. When Christ ascended to heaven, the church is heavily out numbered, its something like 1:30000. There were greek philosophers around, Judaism and so many other world views around and yet Christianity conquered the ideas of the world at their time. Thats what the Holy Spirit is about!

Whoo! These all really motivates me to study. Hiak!

Big God, Small Things

When we read the bible we see God’s big overarching plan of salvation written all over, from cover to cover. But when I look at the heavens, the moon, the stars, and myself, I realized that my God is god of the small things as well.

He is just so awesome. When we really get down to give account for the various little things that God blessed us with; and giving thanks for it, we will in time, also see that our whole life is a series of one gigantic miracle, the details of our life written by the finger of God himself. Its really like how Romans 8:29 says that God predestined us to conform to the image of his Son, the Christ.

When we do this (giving account for the small things), worship becomes what it really should be; our response to God.

I’d Rather

Leon was introducing Luther Vandross and posted this song on his blog. The chorus is really so nice!

I’d rather have bad times with you, than good times with someone else
I’d rather be beside you in a storm, than safe and warm by myself
I’d rather have hard times together, than to have it easy apart
I’d rather have the one who holds my heart

The Limitations of Apologetics

Paul wrote: “When I came to you, brothers, I did not come with eloquence or superior wisdom as I proclaimed to you the testimony about God. For I resolved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ and him crucified. I came to you in weakness and fear, and with much trembling. My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit’s power, so that your faith might not rest on men’s wisdom, but on God’s power.”
1 Corinthians 2:1-5

A very sincere borne-again Christian once came to me. She expressed her desire to share the Gospel with everyone she knew but at the same time, she also expressed to me her inability to answer the numerous questions her cell leader keep asking her to remember. She was intimidated even before she started sharing.

It is sad to see evangelism nowadays becoming so hinged on apologetics. Christians begin to think that whenever they do evangelism, they would need to formulate a response-type question to tickle the non-believing mind. And often it is observed that the non-believers became more interested in the questions than they are for the gospel.

Apologetics primarily uses logic to answer questions. But Logic has its limits. It cannot guarantee wisdom. It cannot prove or disprove inspiration and love. It also cannot replace the intuition gained through experience. It cannot prove faith. Therefore apologetics can only be one of the tools used for evangelism. It is not to be elevated to a place higher than it ought to be, because reason does not save souls, only Jesus does. The purpose of apologetics is to tear down walls hindering the heart from the gospel. If there is no wall to tear down, we go straight for the heart.

All of you must have shared the gospel before. Have you noticed how some people required so much reason to believe that even you cannot convince them? However there are also some people that need not a sufficient reason to believe but they just believed and in further probing we find that their decision being genuine. Its just so amazing isn’t it?

Paul said that his message and preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit’s power. What he is saying here is that the most important and effective tool in evangelism is that of your transformed life. It is a direct demonstration of the Spirit’s power working in your life. The will of God is for all Man to return to him. God could have so easily used his army of angels to accomplish his will since the angels could do apologetics much better than all of us. But God chose to partner with Man because only Man have the ability to live a transformed life. The angels do not have a transformed life.

God is at His strongest when we are at our weakest. When we lift God up high, He will draw all Man unto Himself. Do not be deceived by the evil one and think that it is so difficult to share your faith in Jesus. Gospel sharing is designed to be simple and intuitive. You can share the gospel with others without being skilled in apologetics; just share the testimony of your transformed life.

Believing faith is essentially blind. People can inform themselves all they want but in the end, a plunge is still needed. The unknown can never be know unless we decide to take that plunge. We should all know the limitations of apologetics and start recognizing the power of the Holy Spirit working in us and through us.

Lunch Conversations

Lunch with school friends are always interesting. Once, we were talking about real modern day prophets.
The conversation goes like this:

“Eh how about David Wilkerson? His words are always scary accurate.”
“Yea yea, why don’t we see him coming to Singapore?”
“Aiya, true prophets don’t come to Singapore wan lar”
“Why say that?”
“Because true prophets tan-boh-chak wan”
“No one will want to invite a true prophet to their church”
“Its that itching ear… Now its all about Grace”
“Its really amazing how when you preach Grace your church grows”
“But when you preach brimstone-and-fire your church shrinks”
“Not only that, you will also literally get fired from all directions”
“No one really wants to hear the truth nowadays”

Yea, all these are sad but true.

Burning Questions

“Did Hell exist before or after God created the world?”
“Does Angels have freewill?”
“What is the spiritual realm like?”
“Did the bible speak of the different dimensions?”
“Why let us choose when our future is already determined?”
“Why dinosaurs are not mentioned in the bible?”
“If I’m created in the Image of God, why do I look so… ugly.”
“Where do Elephants get their noses from?” (okie this is just plain dumb)

People come to me with such genuine questions and most of the time, they tell me that those questions are hindering their faith in God. I noticed also, that whenever I systematically gave them a favorable reply using reason, they keep coming back with even more questions pegging their “faith”. This really tells me that the problem here is really about the attitude of the heart. The real issue to faith is with the heart, not with the questions.

The fact is that the bible speaks little about such things, and by that it also means that such things are not important. God keep telling us through his Word that we are not some pawn in the universe at the mercy of the elements, rather, we are at the mercy of God. In Genesis 18:16-33, when Abraham was wrestling with God about the destruction and judging of Sodom and Gomorrah, Abraham asked God “Are you really going to destroy the righteous with the unrighteous as well?”. And God answered him “shall not the judge of earth do what that is right?”. God pleads with us to have faith in his unchanging character. In days where the justice we see seems perverted, let that not be a reflection of who God is. God promised that the appointed time will come where everyone will be judged accordingly.

Therefore do not let the evil one deceive you by making such issues seem important. Issues that are of importance are in proportion to the number of times they are being mentioned in the bible. What that is important is how we live our lives, and the bible has much to say about that. Those issues where the bible is silent about means that they are really not important at all. Knowing and not knowing does not affect the spiritual life of the believer.

Odds & Ends

1. Grateful. Was supposed to get quotations from various design firms for a big meeting on Friday. Certain events happened that resulted in me sending the quotation requests out only on Wednesday. Lionel told me that the process would normally take 1 month but I got the replies in 1 day… and I made it for the meeting. Wow, God is good :)

2. Lesson. For the past two weeks I have been going to cell wondering what to teach and how to deliver the content. Somehow I managed to pull them off. God really inspires and He will teach you how to teach others. We just need to uproot that pride issue and go as the spirit directs and be open to sudden changes.

3. Bejeweled Blitz… is evil. Time waster. Time sucker.

4. People can change. I wonder what went through Joseph, there seems to be such a big change to him. Jer and I have been praying for him for quite awhile and it is just comforting to see things happening :) And there’s also my bro; he just came back from the NP Freshman Camp thing and today he suddenly asked me where he can buy a Bible and if I’m going for YA service. During the service altarcall he responded! I don’t know what happened to him during the camp that sparked off this change but I really thank God. Have been praying for him for the longest of time :) When God moves, everything becomes different.

5. EA. I’m hindered from going EA because of my language capability and financially, I could not afford the trip because I have Church Retreat + School Retreat to pay for. I remember telling God if He provides for me, I would take it as a sign to go EA not matter how much I would struggle with my Mandarin. Today, out of the blue, someone offered to pay the cost for my Church Retreat. She does not even know if I needed that and she does not seem to take rejection well. So I was like *mouth wide open*. On Friday I brought a one-way flight to Penang for my School Retreat – its from 12-16 July (just in time for the trip which flies from SG on the 16th). We, my school friends, bought the one-way tickets because after the School Retreat we planned to bus down to Ipoh and then JB to backpack around, eat and grow fat. Well, since now the ticket is bought and my Church Retreat is paid for… if things work out, I would cancel my Ipoh-JB trip with my friends and be found flying off to EA from Penang instead :) God is Good!

6. God’s love is tangible. As much as love is primarily not to be defined as a feeling, God always has a way to make me feel loved by Him. That eyes are on me, his favor is with me.

Watchmanship – part3

Unless the LORD builds the house, its builders labor in vain. Unless the LORD watches over the city, the watchmen stand guard in vain. (Psalm 127:1)

We can build all we want and we can stand watch until our knees shake in exhaustion. We are fighting against the forces of darkness and the principalities of the world. Nothing we do can really change the heart of Man. Even the 10 Commandments which were so comprehensive did not change Man. If we were to rescue the flesh we will have to work on the spirit. This, only God can do.

God is sovereign, and His servants will need to recognize His sovereignty and their own limitations.

Thank You

The Katinas: Thank You

Just a little while longer I wanna pray
Can’t get You off my mind so I came to say
Thank You Lord just for loving me
Many times as I do forget
Every need that You have met
Oh thank You Lord, I know You’re showing me
You are there when I am down and out
You’re holding me, Your love is so amazing
Oh it changed me

Chorus:
Here I am with all I am
Raise my hands to worship You
I wanna say thank you, oh thank you
For everything, for who You are
You cover me, You touch my heart
I wanna say thank you

I could have died in my sin but You saved me
Didn’t have any hope at all
You gave me peace divine, strength to carry on
I should have been the one to pay
But instead You took my place
My Jesus, words cannot explain
Even though I don’t deserve Your love for me
You look beyond my fault and You showed mercy

I wanna say thank you for the sun
I wanna say thank you for the rain
Everything You do is beautiful
I’m so grateful for Your love

Watchmanship – part2

Ezekiel 33:1-11 gives a perfect description of the responsibility of a watchman appointed by God. His task is to look into the distance and scan the horizon. If the enemy army is advancing, it is the watchman’s task to warn the people of danger, giving them time to prepare for the coming battle. But, if the watchman sees the enemy approaching and gives no warning, everyone will die or be captured and the fault will be with the watchman.

The Lord tells the prophet to warn the people – to proclaim the Law in all its sternness and severity. “So you, son of man, I have made a watchman for the house of Israel; whenever you hear a word from My mouth, you shall give them warning from Me.” We see this understanding also in 1 Samuel 12:23, where the prophet tells his people: “As for me, far be it from me that I should sin against the LORD by failing to pray for you. And I will teach you the way that is good and right.”

Responsibility and ability are appointed/given by God. Everyone has their own set of responsibilities. For the watchman, his responsibility is to proclaim and warn. As for the people, the writer to the Hebrews tells us to consider the seriousness of the watchman’s work: “Obey your leaders and submit to their authority. They keep watch over you as men who must give an account. Obey them so that their work will be a joy, not a burden, for that would be of no advantage to you.” (Hebrews 13:17)

Timeout

I thought it would do me good if I’m always occupied with things to do, places to go, people to clown around with but I end up feeling very normal, more tired than rejuvenated in the spirit. I realized, as I spent the last minutes of my evening in KL that I very much wanted to be alone. After looking everywhere I realized what I really needed was a timeout from everyone I knew. To explore alone in an unfamiliar place where nobody knows me. When I really took time to do that, I really experienced bliss… despite being approached by a total of 5 prostitutes and 5 lady-boys… zzz

I set out on this trip with 5 agendas on my to-do list (only managed to complete one of them). Looking back, although subtle, but I really had alot of unrealistic expectations upon myself. As much as I wanted to take a good quick break, I ended up bringing alot my work along and I really kinda brought more books than clothes this time round. I really missed God. There are always people around me and places that I would need to go, so much that its hard to find time to be alone, to spend time shut-in with the Lord.

I’m thankful that God still speaks to me despite the passiveness in my seeking him. He still speaks through me giving me powerful messages and showing me passages meant for his servants. Just last night during cell, when we are praying for this Pakistani couple seeking asylum with their refugee status pending, God gave me a passage to share with the couple. Being new to the cell I dared not do public declarations, so after the session I approached the couple and shared with them the passage. The message to them was so “rhema” that its power impacted me even before I told them. God’s message is so real. God’s love for his servants is as real as his existence.

The wife’s conversion is of so much power. She signed herself up on the suicide mission list while being trained to be a religious teacher. She is an expert in the Quran, the Hadith and the Islamic faith. For a long time she had been having the “Jesus dream” where a man in white lighted paths and cleared darkness. One day, at the challenge of her would-be Christian husband, she examined her religious text and found major inconsistencies and fallacies. She began to cross examine her texts with the bible and in time, she decided to convert and desert her Islamic faith. Her dad is from one of the major Islam extremist groups and tried to kill her and her would-be husband. They were being chased, and the husband’s family were harassed. When the death warrant were being issued (the type where anyone can kill and his reward would be given by Allah in paradise), his mom had a heart attack and died. Despite the sadness, the couple had to flee. So the churches stepped in to help and got them passes to flee to another country seeking refuge.

The couple’s witness is so powerful. She, the wife, is really an example of a “Paul-type” converson. They risk their life, and the lives of their children just because they choose to acknowledge Christ as their Lord. They became public enemies of their country just because of their conversion out of Islam and the warrant (by divine authority) was given to kill on sight, no court trial is needed. Such is the extremist of that nation.

Despite all these, they stand as such strong testimonies that the believer would literally walk through the valley of the shadows of death, and have all the reasons to fear no evil, for the Lord, their God is with them.

I’m in KL!

After finishing work on a term paper due Monday, I took the chance to bus up to KL, to escape to a less familiar place where time is less valuable. Living on impulse sure is exciting, there seem to be quite a thrill in deciding travel destinations at the very last minute. I realized that there is still this hunger for adventure somewhere deep within. I’m hoping to take this few days to quiet down, seek God and inspire myself to write and do up the art direction for my school magazine.

I’m staying with Shawn now. Its a really cozy and well designed studio-type apartment right in the heart of the “Orchard Road” of KL. However, there are certain things that gave me reason to take notice. 1. The people – mostly females – staying here all seemed relatively young (like in their 20s or 30s) and they are really attractive… but everyone that I met in the lift lobby are all accompanied by similar-aged Caucasians or by older men -_- 2. There are really alot of transexuals/cross-dressers (or ex-men like how Shawn calls them) here in the city area and around the area I’m residing. The amount is really alarming. Last night when I walked out alone to the main road to meet a friend of mine, I was approached by 5 different ex-men and prostitutes saying “Hi darling, would you like…” and I cut them off by walking away. Yikes!

So, today being the second day here I got the chance to watch movie, shop, window-shop, swim, sleep, laze around, people watch, well, to do the things that I normally would not due to laziness and time constraint. Just bought two design books for RM$186… and tomorrow I would be looking for clothes. The clothing shops at their “Far-East Plaza” equivalent looks really cool, so yea gonna check them out tomorrow. As for tonight, I’m gonna attend Shawn’s KL cell. Heard that his cell leader invited an ex-suicide bomber (who didn’t explode, duh!, but recently converted to Christianity) to share his story, cool stuff!

Oh yea, today I past by a malaysia styled ATM and I happened to see a NETS symbol. So I stopped and tried to put in my NETS card to test, I checked my account balance and the amount appeared in Ringgit! And then I took a deep breath and pressed 50.00 and out came the money!!! Coooool!

Watchmanship

“Watching” was a major function of the Old Testament prophets for they stood with their eyes towards God and away from the people to hear the Word that God wanted them to speak, directing their attention towards the people only when the message had been received in case they were put off by those around them. A true watchman, then, is one who pays no heed to society in which they live for they are more concerned with hearing God’s voice even to the point of disagreeing with the will of the people when that will is made known.

Not everyone is called to be a watchman. These are ordinary people set apart for God’s work. They are usually identified as one who is consumed with that sense of “call” and assumed that responsibility God had placed on them knowing that God’s sovereign choice of mouthpiece is and has always been unconditional and unreasonable and unfathomable. As scared as they are, they continued to be grateful and remain faithful to that haunting voice, that internal compass.

He speaks when instructed by God and clams up told to. Being deviant to certain instructions has heavy consequences to the prophet, both towards God and towards Man. But however scary and heavy that burden is, God’s promise to him is that “He would calls is forever faithful” and His assurance to him is that “the safest place to be is to be doing My will.”

Joy & Strength

I texted Jer @ 11pm last night saying that I am super stressed and needed her to pray for me. It was really a dark time, I was feeling totally defeated and deflated. So overwhelmed because of the many things coming down on me at the same time. So overwhelming that it paralyzes me in my thinking and actions. I can only hide under my blanket and try to sleep it off.

30 Mins later I woke up from my crying and praying and realized that I’m feeling something different. The blanket of fear, discouragement and despair was lifted and in its replacement there was this Joy coming out of nowhere. This does not mean that I forget about the enormous wall before me but rather I hold it in full view. However its just amazing that now I look upon it differently, with Joy, with strength; and this is a strength that inflates, a strength that de-paralyzes. At that moment I know straight away that Jer was praying for me because the effect is felt.

The evil one is very real indeed. He is out to take every chance to kill steal and destroy. But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power (strength) is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body.

Next time when you hear people say “the Joy of the Lord is our strength”, believe it; it is true. This Joy is not something that you can muster up or convince yourself of, it is supernatural and you can claim it in the name of Christ. Just like how King David says in Psalms 42:9, “Why must I go about mourning, oppressed by the enemy?”; Yes, why should we give the evil one any reason for gaining a foothold on our lives?

Offerings & Sacrifices

Have been reading Genesis, Exodus and Leviticus recently for my daily bible readings and personal devotion. Just thought that it would be nice to share some of my thoughts on the read. May God speak to you through this and that you be blessed by it :)

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“God created the whole world in six days, but he used forty to instruct Moses about the tabernacle. Little over one chapter was needed to describe the structure of the world, but six were used for the tabernacle.”

- Brevard Childs, The Book of Exodus, p. 547.

It is interesting to note that Genesis, Exodus and Leviticus are all narratives but certainly more emphasis is given to how God dwelled among His people (Exodus) and His instruction of how His *sinful* people is to worship *a holy* God (Leviticus).

In the later part of the book of Exodus, after God delivered the Israelites from the polytheistic dominion of the Egyptians, we see God instituted theocracy in the way He instituted the Tabernacle to be the place for the Israelites to worship God (Ex 25:1-8). In Leviticus 1, we see God telling His people how to worship Him. The poor would bring birds, while the better off would see themselves bringing bulls, lambs, goats etc. The economic worth of the pure, unblemished animals represents the weight of their sin – the pinch they feel when sacrificing something that is of value in the world.

We also see in Leviticus 4 that when the Israelites offer animals as their sin sacrifice, they are to kill the animals themselves. It sure is a bloody event. This is a graphic reminder that it is only by God’s mercy that He allow *expensive* pure unblemished animals to take the place of their sin. In other words, without the mercy of God, they will be the same as the sacrificed animals – slaughtered, tore apart, skinned and all.

The sacrificial system of the Old Testament pointed to the coming Messiah who will offer Himself as the ultimate Lamb of God. Now fast-forwarding into the New Testament (Heb 9:11-14), we see God sent His son, Jesus, to be the ultimate sin sacrifice of the world. Through him, there will be no need for any more sin sacrifices. Jesus obediently obeyed (Luke 22:41-43) his father in heaven to be led to the cross to be crucified for our sins so that by “the blood of the lamb” we may be declared righteous before God (Romans 5:17).

See the parallel between the two? No matter how much we exclaim that we love Jesus Christ, we must always remember that we are the ones who crucified him. Our sins drove Christ to the Cross. Just like how God decreed for the Israelites to kill their own sacrifice, God somehow make us do the same to Jesus. So that it could be a graphic reminder for us all, that if it wasn’t for God’s mercy, we would be the ones crucified – dying the worst of all deaths, for the penalty of sin in our lives. The value of the sacrifice represents the weight of our sin. Thus, it becomes important for Christ to be remembered as God’s mercy personified. For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten son, that whosoever believes in Him shall not parish but spend externality with God (John 3:16).

We see that throughout scripture that whenever it mentions about “Offering” it is always not about the many sacrifices of the people but it is really talking about God’s mercy. In Matthew 9:9–13 we see that Jesus mentions that sacrifice is not the chief end. The chief end is that God desires us to have mercy on each other just as He had mercy on us. God emphasizes in the quality of life rather than the outward show. May we then follow the example of God by offering mercy to each other. When we sing or talk about “offering sacrifices of praise” to God, let us remember that it is really about His mercy that allowed us to make sacrifices to please Him.

Let us take time to remember Christ and the mercy of God every day.

Expressive

As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When can I go and meet with God? My tears have been my food day and night, while men say to me all day long, “Where is your God?”

These things I remember as I pour out my soul: how I used to go with the multitude, leading the procession to the house of God, with shouts of joy and thanksgiving among the festive throng.

Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God. My soul is downcast within me; therefore I will remember you from the land of the Jordan, the heights of Hermon – from Mount Mizar.

Deep calls to deep in the roar of your waterfalls; all your waves and breakers have swept over me. By day the LORD directs his love, at night his song is with me – a prayer to the God of my life.

I say to God my Rock, “Why have you forgotten me? Why must I go about mourning, oppressed by the enemy?” My bones suffer mortal agony as my foes taunt me, saying to me all day long, “Where is your God?”

Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.

- Psalm 42 -

…

Recently, I am under alot of stress, it really gets crazy when everything decides to jump on me at the same time. For this semester, Wednesdays are always bad – its so stressful and it makes me so tired mentally. Today, I decided to do things abit differently, took time to seek the Lord before my crazy day starts (even when I needed the sleeping time) and when I was praying, God led me to this chapter.

God understands me I guess. When I run out of words to pray, write or speak – to express myself, God tells me that He already knows what I want to say before I open my mouth; and most of the time, they (what He knows) are much better than how I decide to word them.

Chasing God Together

Today I attended the graduation of R.E.A.L. people of ‘09. It was so nostalgic. I still remember vividly how Ps. Ronald worded the grad speech 7 years ago, that it was his wish that some time down the road, we would still come together for coffee and talk about the old times, talk about how wonderful it is that we would have the chance to chase God together.

Today got me thinking that we can so easily choose to be chasing God on our own and we can also just as easily, choose to be together for friendship’s sake (like for eg. our school friends) and God need not be the focus. But something powerful happens when people decide to come together to chase after God. For some reason, God seems to choose to use such fellowship to influence the lives of people around them.

We see in Genesis 1:27 the significance of the male and female distinction in God’s image. Both are made in the image of God. This means for us that it was intended for the opposite gender to understand each other. Its like the male perspective holds only 50% and the other 50% comes from understanding the female perspective. A holistic 100% understanding of the function and character of God seems to be the epitome of all knowledge.

This makeup of humankind also depicts the idea of community, relationships, and fellowship. In other words, it was designed for us to live in community with others. How wonderful is it that God gave us the desire for community. No one running solo can know fully the character of God.

I’m so glad to be constantly learning something foreign to my own understanding about who God is. Its just so interesting for people to be so diverse, seeing the same things a little differently, none of perspective being any less true. And I really appreciate God’s hand at work, the way He brings people together so that we can inspire each other to chase after Him. Fellowships as such should be very much valued as they are God appointed and very rare indeed. Together we celebrate our differences when we make it a point to lift God up high.

I really miss my time in R.E.A.L. ‘02.

Applied Theology

The secret about Christianity has always been about living in the presence of God. Those people who do that, we term them “spiritual”. Throughout my studies, it did not take me long to figure out that it is not really about our opinion of God that counts, but rather conversely, it is all about God’s opinion of us. No matter how much we study about the various philosophy floating around or read into how similar or different one’s view of God might be, it all funnels down to this: If God exist, what is His opinion of me?

Karl Marx once said that religion is a clutch for the weak and many of my atheistic friends loved to cite him. One of their assumption is that great and strong minds need not a clutch for life, but we know that assumption to be faulty because there are great people with great minds who hold strongly to their religion. Well other than that, perhaps Karl Marx was right that we do have a coping mechanism and it is true that we are weak. The atheist can say whatever they want because they are oblivious to the weight of sin.

Christ is much more than just a clutch, He is our life support. Without God’s love we would still be oblivious to our selfishness. Without God’s grace, we would feel the heat of God’s wrath. And like how Christian Gorge words it, without God, we are like “ice for the blender”. Hence it is so much better to limp with God to heaven than to leap to hell without Him.

I am nothing less of a sinner craving for God’s attention. And it is my hope that in everything that I do, I can resemble Christ even in the smallest of ways and that God can be proud of me.

Swerve

Ever sat in a car that swerves left and right in the expressway? I did… just now in a cab. The cab driver was trying to avoid something. And it all happened so fast and it is sure scary as you wouldn’t even know if you will get out of the cab alive. But there is no accident… thank God.

This speaks alot about our faith life too doesn’t it? That many times we tend to serve left and right in our decisions just because we are not sure if we heard God right.

The person who walks with the spirit (hence the term spirit-led), we call him spiritual.
The person who walks by faith we call him faithful.
The connections between the two cannot be separated and that is what we all aim to be – to be the person who walks by faith (and not by sight) and to be spirit-led, if not all these faith living would be rather meaningless. No use having one without the other, but the good thing is that one will come with the other. They are a package, and it all starts with our faith in God.

Yesterday morning in class I took a closer look at the promises of God to Abraham. I noticed that whenever God dished out his promise it really seemed to be impossible. At that point of time God was going to form a nation from the descendants of Abraham and giving them the land of Canaan but there are two obvious problems. 1) Sarah is barren and they are both old. 2) The promised land is currently occupied by the Cannanites. These seem impossible but Abraham obeyed and it is interesting to note that in the Old Testament, trusting in the promises of God means righteousness! (Hebrews 11) It is just astounds me how much God values the implicit trust we have in Him.

There is a tendency to dismiss God’s voice just because it does not fit into our paradigm of reason. This is really a challenge to us all not to judge the promise of God by our understanding of possibility. God raised Moses in a palace in order to use him in a desert and He raised Joseph in a desert in order to use him in a palace. God always works in some marvelous and mysterious ways. Although this is something that we keep listening and nodding our heads to, God did prepare Moses to stand before the king and leaders of his society. Whoever God choose to call He will equip, but the journey need not make sense.

Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful.

Diagnosis & Prescription

Realized that over the past few days I became so easily tired after doing so little, I just really abhor myself being so unproductive. Other than the constant tiredness, maybe due to the amount of over hanging deadlines that seemed countless and never-ending, there is this desire for God that is really growing inside. It always prompts me to seek God more, spend more time with Him, but reason keeps telling me to ration my time. So in an attempt to sooth my conscience I picked up a book by one of my favorite pastor/author, Charles Swindoll; a thin book called “Perfect Trust”. While reading it I found my problem and so this was the diagnosis: Anxiety, and worry being the root cause.

The word, “worry” literally means “to be divided” or “distracted”. It conveys the idea of being so mentally ill at ease that we cannot do what we need to do because we are so distracted in our thinking. It is that gnawing thought which is pulling our mind towards it so that we cannot give ourselves to the more important things which really needs attention.

In Matt 6:25-34, we see Jesus addressing this issue. In that short chapter, it states the 5 problems with worry.

1) It keeps us from enjoying what we have. Worry is assuming responsibilities that we cannot handle. The truth is, they are responsibilities that God never intended for us to handle, because they are His.

2) It makes us forget our worth. Worry makes us feel worthless, forgotten and thus unimportant. That is why Jesus tells us that we are worth so much more than the birds of the air and the grass of the fields. If God is able to sustain the lesser creatures will He not sustain the ones who are made in His image and likeness?

3) It is a complete waste of energy. It is a complete waste of time, it solves nothing. That is why Jesus say “Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?” Take that energy and channel it into doing other things that is worth our time.

4) It erases the promise of God from our minds. Jesus tells us not to worry about what we would eat or drink and about the clothes we would wear. The promise of God is that He will not allow His children to beg bread, He will care for our needs and that is one promise that we can claim. If God took care of our greatest need at the cross will He not take care of all the other needs that He considers important for us?

5) It is the characteristic of the unbeliever. The character of worry fits the unbeliever who does not know our Lord God who is actively involved in our lives. They have no one else to lead on but we have our heavenly father who knows what we need when we need them. And He is not going to leave us alone with those needs unmet.

So what to do when worry stands at our door and knock? There are two things we can and should do. 1) Set our minds on Christ, fix our eyes on Jesus. Seek first His kingdom and His righteousness and all those things (that we worry about) shall be added unto you. 2) Live one day at a time. There are only two days in a week, “Yesterday” and “Today”.

Walking with God is the most exciting and fulfilling of all experiences but it is also the most difficult. Those who walk closest to God will be like Jesus, who became closely acquainted with all the trails and testings. I believe that God takes us through our struggles so that we might be refined by them, and in the process become increasingly more committed to him.

Devotion

Sometimes I really wished that I can devote all time to either ministry or school (and all the assignments and committee work that it represents) and not both at the same time. Actually… I rather devote all my time to ministry work, that seems to be my inclination. Ahhhh, so many things to settle before I can start on my school work… due tomorrow :(

Buying Back Time

A friend once told me that buying a car is never worth the money spent. It is always a loss. He reasoned that people buy a car when they have enough money to buy back time. And that this should be the only legitimate reason when one decides to take a cab.

Woke up late today, somehow my alarm and/or ears did not seem to work this morning. During the rush my eyes are somehow turned on myself, observing my responses and certain reactions. People like to say that the way to test the measure of a man is to put him in hot water; a person that cannot be tested is a person not to be trusted. I realized that over so long nothing much has changed, I’m still as ugly on the inside. Btw, cab fare is … a bomb.

Often when God is molding us, we like to tell God to stop; that change is painful enough; that change has produced its due and we want to get it over and done with. On closer examination we would realize that those testing periods are at a time most suited for us, in fact it is God’s grace for us to be tested. But we do not want to be tested because we think better of our abilities to handle situations when they come. We may think of ourselves as strong enough but the devil somehow always gets us at our weakest link. As for me, I complain a lot when under testing but when its over I would really miss it. A closer bond with God is forged when struggling.

Maybe it is just over the past three days that I feel distant from God. Well, not really that distant but it is just kind of weird that I’m not experiencing God the same way as I did previously. My guess is that when we start to experience God through the miraculous, there is a tendency to define our relationship with God based on the amount of miracles happening. We ought to thank God that truth is objective and because of that, it does not matter what our feelings may be. Truth is truth whether we like it or not.

I’m reminded of this famous fiery sermon by Jonathan Edwards called “Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God” taken from Deuteronomy 32:35. This verse is a threat from the wrath of the Almighty God on the wicked unbelieving Israelites. They were God’s visible people who lived under the means of grace, who saw all of God’s wonderful works towards them but they remained void of counsel, having no understanding in them. Under all the providence of heaven, they brought forth bitter and poisonous fruit. And God says in verse 35 that their foot shall slide in due time.

The point that struck me most is that God is mindful of sin and He holds them in full view. And that the reason as to why the people are not already fallen is only that God’s appointed time has not come. For it is said, that when that due time comes, their foot shall slide. Then they shall be left to fall, as they are inclined by their own weight. God is restrained by no obligation and hindered by no manner of difficulty to send us sliding our way to damnation.

You guys should Google the sermon and read it. I stopped and cried while reading halfway. I read too that halfway when this sermon is being preached at July 8, 1741, people are already running down the altar seeking repentance. Some even faint at the intensity of the message. It is a powerful message that must be preached today; not to take God’s grace for granted.

I really like the ending – Therefore, let every one that is out of Christ, now awake and fly from the wrath to come. The wrath of Almighty God is now undoubtedly hanging over a great part of this congregation. Let every one fly out of Sodom: “Haste and escape for your lives, look not behind you, escape to the mountain, lest you be consumed.”

The postponement of God’s wrath is certainly time that we cannot buy.

Margin – part 2

Being drowsy is a nice feeling. But when your days become a routine of eat / sleep / medicate, it really starts to bore. It becomes very boring to stay home when I am sick. So here I am in school, trying to fight the drowsiness. I need to catch up on my readings; I need to catch up on life. Time really past so fast when you are sick.

Now that my intensive modules are over, a new challenge begins. Now I have so much more meetings to prepare for, events to plan and assignments to finish up. I have so much more free time now that I do not know where to start. Now is the time when I need a lot of inspiration. I guess I need time off to really chill and give myself space to gather ideas.

I guess it is really a temptation to load myself up with things to do when I see myself being more free. Need to really watch it as not to overload myself. Richard Swenson says in his booked titled “Margin” that the additions of commitments to your life do not go by numeric additions (4+4=8), they are more like geometric additions (4×4=16). Meaning that it is not so easy to commit to certian things. Like for example, lets say if I were to join the bible study, it is not so simple as just joining. Implicit in that commitment is all the studying/homework that goes along with it, its like a package. One will need to be aware for all the “fine prints” before making a commitment. This would prevent burnouts. Learn to say no. Ministry is never ending. God wants us because He loves for who we are, not what we can do for Him.

Beloved

You are altogether beautiful, no blemish is found in you
You have made my heart beat faster
You slowed time with a single glance from your eyes
How beautiful is your love
How much better is your love than wine
Your company is better than thousands of hours elsewhere
You have stolen my heart, now this soul lives for you
My beloved is mine, and I am His
The banner over us is love

- Selected text from Song of Solomon, made contemporary.

The Rose and the Cross

Crucified laid behind a stone
You lived to die rejected and alone
Like a rose trampled on the ground
You took the fall and thought of me
Above all
—

As I was praying for my cell worship direction, this song was the picture given to me. The rose signifies love and it is the symbol of the upcoming Valentine’s. And so, this is the picture of God’s love for us – that God gave His son to be trampled over by Man. So that through Christ Jesus all would live and have everlasting life.

We should all “do communion” on Feb 14. Above all the romance that Valentine’s signify for couples, above all the loneliness that produces itself among the singles; Christ is to be remembered for in Him alone we find the love that eclipse all other loves. And I pray that we may find our gravity in Christ this season.

Missing the Mark

The message of sin is seldom heard and often trivialized. People now like to word it in contemporary language and like to tone it as “mistakes”; philosophers explained it away calling it “conditioned response”(where Man is seen as a sum total of his environment). Sin is seen as a violation of social laws, interpreted as subjective experiences and morality is seen as personal additions. Sin is defined in all those ways because people deny the transcendent nature of God. No matter how people like to word it or tone it down, no word describes the human condition better than the word “SIN” (caps intentioned). Having a low view of sin ultimately means a low view of salvation and the work of Christ on the cross.

The Hebrew word for sin is “hata”, and it literally means to miss the mark (Judges 20:16, note the word “miss”, in the Hebrew that word is “hata”). And “hata” is the main word for sin in the Old Testament. In the New Testament, we see the word hamartia (ἁμαρτία), it holds the same graphical meaning and we see Paul using it in Romans 3:23 “For all have sinned and come short of the glory of God.”

Although through scripture we can find a lot more definitions of what sin is, sin is basically the failure to achieve the standard that God had set. Of particular attention (to me at least) is from Matt 6:12, “Forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.” Sin as described by Jesus as an incurred debt owed to God. Man owes honor to God and debt is incurred when one fails to render God His due. The idea is that this debt is not something that we can rid ourselves from; therefore Jesus comes into the picture as redeemer and savior.

Sin may be categorized as those of commission or of omission. Sin of commission are related to negative prohibitions of the law of God (the “Thou shalt nots”) while the sin of omission are related to the positive injunctions of God and Man’s failure to fulfill them, for example, James 4:17 – “Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn’t do it, sins.” The point is that we as Christians may not really break those “Thou shalt nots” but surely we would all fall short when it comes to loving our neighbour as ourselves.

Jesus said in Matthew 22:37-38: ” ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment.” – We all miss that! And therefore we are not just sinners; we are great sinners because that is the first and greatest commandment!

Here is one illustration by Peter Tsukahira that I have really come to love and I believe this illustrates our condition and the hope that Christ brings.

Most of us should know the Olympic sport of high jumping. At high jump, they put the bar at a certain level and then everyone tries to jump it. After everyone has their try, they take the bar and raise it abit and everyone tries it again. And they keep raising that bar until only one person can make it, and they call that person the winner. And then they would raise the bar again, until no one can jump because that is how they find out if they have a new world record.

So how can we apply this? In the Old Testament we see the list of “Thou shalt nots”. For example: Exo 20:14 – “You shall not commit adultery”. Well, most of us can claim that we can do that. But Jesus says in Matt 5:28 “But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” Now we see us guys are in for so much trouble (girls, pray for us!). So what we see here is that Jesus is taking the bar set by Moses and setting it on a whole new level. Jesus is saying that in his kingdom he deals with the root and makes sure that we get it out of our lives.

We look at those bars and we say to Jesus: “Lord, I really love you, with all of my heart, but I really cannot jump that high. So how can we deal with your commandments?”

This is where we need the New Testament grace to jump that bar. The only way that we would be able to jump that bar is by walking with the grace of our Lord. The only way that we would be able to jump that bar is that in truth, we have died. That no longer it’s me who lives but Christ who lives in me. Unless that is really true, we will not be able to jump that bar. But if that is true, we can do all things through Christ who gives us strength.

suneidēseōs agathēs

Paul was writing a letter addressed to Timothy @ 1 Tim 1:3-7. Paul urged Timothy to stay in Ephesus so that he may command certain men not the teach false doctrines any longer because these false doctrines promote controversies rather than stir up faith in God. Paul says that these teachers of false doctrines want to be teachers of the law, but they do not know what they are talking about or what they so confidently affirm. Then comes this verse 5 that is sandwiched in the middle of the selected passage.

“The goal of this command is love, which comes from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith.”

I separated this from the rest of the passage to better highlight it as the core part of the passage, which is for the teacher/preacher of God’s word to do their thing (the command) in love. And this love for the people comes from:
1. a pure heart (hence free from corrupt desire, from sin and guilt.)
2. a good conscience (suneidēseōs agathēs)
3. a sincere faith in God (needs no further explanation)

συνειδήσεως ἀγαθῆς both being genitive singulars is best translated as “of a good conscience”. Here the word “conscience” συνείδησις (or when transliterated being pronounced “sun.ei.dē.sis”) means the being of one’s own witness and the testimony to one’s own conduct, especially in his relation to God. All these manifesting itself in the form of a self-testimony.

Consequently for the Teacher/Preacher, this love for the people is the effect and result of faith. A man’s conscience will never condemn that which he believes to be right, and vice versa: hence the only conscience worth having is that which springs from a sincere faith.

This passage also denotes the fact that the teacher/preacher needs to be well versed with all the various doctrines going around and make a stand for himself as to which is right. Other than the ones who are obviously devious to the main teachings of Christ, there will always be th0se inner-faith disputes, some issues of faith being more major than others.

You see, every church has their own stand regarding these inner-faith issues. And it makes perfect sense for them to choose those speakers who they know propagate their own set of doctrines. To be invited or chosen to teach/preach at the various churches means also an expectancy to adhere to their set of teachings and it is only polite to do so.

So it means to the teacher/preacher that no matter what their personal convictions on certain issues may be, they are to know their limits and let the Holy Spirit do the rest. Of course, none of this would be possible if one does not know what the church stand is, as well as the other various doctrines going around. If one insist on propagating their own views and convictions, it would be better for that person to either keep quiet or leave the church in search for one that fits the doctrine of his/her conviction, as it is better for that person to leave than for the body of Christ to be confused.

So what if you are a teacher/preacher and after all your studying you find yourself disagreeing with some of the stances your church took regarding some of these issues? These are the various steps to take:
1. be discreet about your views while still propagating the church’s stand.
2. talk to your leader about this conviction of yours.
3. pray that things will change.

4. if things does not change, there are two options:
a. continue to propagate the church’s stand. (repeat step 1-3)
b. leave the church.

One way of teaching controversial passages in scripture is to give all the various views or stands held by various persons on a particular issue. Give defensive arguments for that stand and at the same time offer the counter arguments from other viewpoints. Present the church stand on this and let your hearers decide for themselves. Refrain from stating your own convictions as to which one should be right, or wrong.

I realized this to be specifically helpful for the servant of God with a struggling conscience (suneidēsis) to teach the truth as shown to be in the scriptures. But this all is still rather idealistic in nature as there usually a lack of time and not everyone is due for that depth of study.

Well, be wise to adapt and cater to the majority.

Margin

Like a piece of paper filled totally with words, many of us schedule our time to the hilt and replaced our time with family and God with all the good things but not the most essential ones. Most of the time we either place undue pressure on ourselves or allow society to dictate the unrealistic expectations we are expected to live up to. And there is an antidote for all this poison that is slowly causing us to crash.

“What we need is margin” says Richard Swenson in his book titled Margin. Where expectations goes higher and days get packed, Swenson urges us to leave room for the unexpected. He tells us to leave neat clean margins around our paper of physical energy, emotional energy, time, and finances. We do not have margin because we overwork, over commit, overspend and overeat. We spend too many hours at the office, accumulate too much debt, spend too little time in silence and solitude, neglect nutrition, exercise, rest and fail to nurture important relationships.

What we need is a strict regimen of lifestyle changes which will help us cultivate margin in our bodies, our souls, our calendars, and our budgets. This calls for discipline and intentionality. These chapters are really wise words to help me run the marathon ahead. Now, time for changes in my own schedule.

Drowning Lessons

Sometimes floating is really much more difficult to do than to drown. School is not giving me an easy time at the start of this semester, its like so jammed packed for my Jan and Feb that I just can’t wait for Feb to be over so that things can slow down a little.

I’m really so stressed up that sometimes I just stone because my brain needs to process the amount of things to be done and to arrange them in order of importance. My To-Do list is like so jammed with meetings and assignments that it takes me three notepads to get my stuff organized. It really gets so bad nowadays that I cannot sleep at night and it really takes me very long to relax.

I just want to empty my mind and just chill. I can’t wait for Fridays really. But I know I cannot empty my mind just like that, I guess I really need a quick getaway. But my schedule does not permit that :(

I almost freaked out when I realized that Greek quiz for tonight includes this whole string of vocab and their meanings. That is inclusive of the alphabets that I would have to list in order and their transliteration. And I have to learn to pronounce and recognize all those words by sight, squeeze those concepts into my head by 1.5 hours time. I thank God I did it! That it is the grace of God that enables me to do so much more than I thought I could. Almost had a perfect score. Almost. *argh*

Looking back at how I responded, I realized that my Sanguine Choleric nature really show up when I’m stressed ha… Sometimes driving some people crazy if they permit me to.

ὁ δὲ θεὸς τῆς εἰρήνης συντρίψει τὸν σατανᾶν ὑπὸ τοὺς πόδας ὑμῶν ἐν τάχει. – Romans 16:20a

The Weight of Glory

Then Moses said, “Now show me your glory.” And the LORD said, “I will cause all my goodness to pass in front of you, and I will proclaim my name, the LORD, in your presence. I will have mercy on whom I will have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I will have compassion. But,” he said, “you cannot see my face, for no one may see me and live.” Then the LORD said, “There is a place near me where you may stand on a rock. When my glory passes by, I will put you in a cleft in the rock and cover you with my hand until I have passed by. Then I will remove my hand and you will see my back; but my face must not be seen.” – Exodus 33:18-23

This narrative has always left me wondering what it would be like to be in Moses’ shoes, seeing though his eyes, feeling the majestic aura of God glory when it passes in front of me. The Hebrew word for “glory” means heavy, weighty and significant. When the Old Testament speak of God’s glory what it is really talking about is God’s heaviness and importance.

When the Israelites set up camp, they always put the temple at the center. For them it was the holy space where the glory of God resides. That is why David wrote in Psalm 26:8 “I love the house where you live, O LORD, the place where your glory dwells.” And now that we are the temple of God we are to arrange our lives accordingly (I Cor. 3:16).

For God to be sovereign I guess it really means that He can do whatever He wants, whenever He wants to. In this light, if we acknowledge the importance of God in our lives we would realize that we are really not in any position to talk back. We would be like Job in chapter 40:4 “I am unworthy—how can I reply to you? I put my hand over my mouth.”

This really brings me back 4 years ago when God called me into full time. It was at the last day of a high profile design competition after my presentation and right before the cocktail reception and results announcement. I was sitting at the coffeebean at expo when I heard it. The word was very clear and unmistakable – “I want to use you in ministry.” At that moment it became reasonable to get prepared as soon as possible so that God can use me whenever he chooses to. So the results came and I got first prize. During the cocktail reception it became painful as I received 5 job offers, painful because I know deep down that I would have to reject every single one of them, painful because I know that this the chance that everyone wants but cannot get and I’m throwing it away just like that. I must be the greatest idiot in the eyes of everyone but I know that I’m the treasure of God’s eye and his face is shining bright on me. I pursued that calling and walked in that direction ever since.

Back when I was in Sunday school, my teachers always told me that I have a hole somewhere in my heart where only God can fit, this God shaped void where only He can satisfy. It is just so amazing to think that the weight of His glory now resides in us. I’m so humbled whenever I think of this, after all what am I for God to take interest in me, for God so infinite to consume the finitude of my heart.

I guess God gave us brains big enough to know how small we really are.

Who’s Your Daddy?

Shared this in Cell with focus on Romans 8.

The story is told of a church meeting at which a wealthy man rose to tell the congregation about his faith. “I’m a millionaire,” he said. “And I attribute my wealth to the blessings of God in my life.” He went on to recall the turning point of his faith. As a young man, he had just earned his first dollar and was eagerly thinking of all the possibilities when he happened upon a church meeting. He found himself consumed by the message he heard that night, and when he saw the offering plate he knew that he would either have to give it all to God or nothing at all. At that moment, he decided to give everything he had to God. Looking back he knew that God had blessed this decision and made him a successful man.

When he finished his story an awed silence filled the room. As he returned to his seat an elderly woman leaned over to him and said: “I dare you to do it again.”

Once I had the chance to speak at a Men’s fellowship when I was on a mission trip. Most of the people there lost things because of their faith and some were no stranger to imprisonment. So there I was standing there feeling so unworthy to bring them a word from God, after all, what have I sacrificed for my faith? Maybe only my dreams and the financial security it meant but these people paid a great price for their faith. They are the heroes of faith, not me. And they are now sitting in front of me thinking that I would be able to encourage them with a word from God. I seriously think that it really takes so much faith to be willing to listen to a young punk like me thinking that I’m a godsend.

At that point it really struck me that even though their hopes and dreams are gone, even when their friends ran, and they abandoned everything for the sake of the gospel, they are at the same time richer than all the kings of the world. For God had adopted them as sons and daughters of a heavenly home.

Jesus is God, the son. It should be noted that this is not about birth order but it is really about position of office. Within each role is their specific job scope. God created us as in his image for us to have partnership with him. The problem is that we are limited; we can never become God and never will be. But God can become man and in doing so, bridge the gap bringing salvation to all. The incarnation (God becoming man) enables Man to reconcile with God and in so doing, completes the master plan of God. In other words, God would still incarnate even if there is no Sin. But all these are done (predestined) so that we can be adopted to be sons of God, and this cannot happen without the incarnation. The Holy Spirit indwelling too cannot happen without the incarnation. Adam and Eve were made perfect but they do not have son-ship.

Adoption means that we have different DNA but with all the inheritance. Meaning we will not be God but we having all the blessings. This also means for the believer that now, they are being brought into a relationship which transcends that which Adam and Eve once had with God. The closer-than-close kind, that of son-ship, from which we can call him Abba Father. That all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God – children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband’s will, but born of God. And nothing is able to separate us from the love of our father.

There can be many implications to this knowledge but one direct application is really that of faith living. The parable of the rich young ruler (Matthew 19:22) stands as a bold illustration to the genuine hold our financial securities have on us. Just like how it is far more difficult for the millionaire to now give up his millions than it was for the child to give up his dollar, Jesus dares us to do the same. Jesus calls us not to be of this world, to store up riches in heaven rather than here on earth and to the child of God, theirs is the inheritance of Christ Jesus. Trust God to be the provider and have a loose hold on money for it comes and it goes. The principle of this parable can be that of passion, giving it all or nothing.

In the face of temptation, when Sin and Satan pursues us, we can fly towards our father just like how the eagle (their eyes have this special lens that enable them to look into the sun) flies towards the sun when threatened, blinding the enemy. For those who hope in God, they will renew their strength and will soar on wings like eagles.

We have reason for this faith because we know who is our daddy.

Falling in Love

In many ways falling in love with Christ is the same with falling in love with your partner. The more time spent with her, the more you loved her. God gave us the desire for intimacy so that He can satisfy it. But many times we listened to the call of secularism and materialism rather than the call to be that holy bride of Christ.

The bible is the greatest love story ever told and it speaks to us with so much clarity even today. “‘I have loved you’ says the LORD” (Malachi 1:2) What type of love is this? It is a past-tense + future tense love, meaning a love that saw every sin and understood every short-coming and one that is of continual discipline and purification. It is like two wax candles joining to such an extent that the flame coming out from them is one. That is God’s love for you, for us. And the illustration God always use is that of a marriage, in fact, God instituted marriage to use it as the illustration.

In Jeremiah 1:5, God was telling the prophet something really constant about his nature: “Before I shaped you in the womb, I knew all about you”. Interestingly enough, the Hebrew word for “know” means more than just awareness, it can also mean sex, like in Genesis 4:1 where Adam knew his wife and conceived a baby called Cain. The point is that as much as God know us intimately, He wants us to be intimate with Him. That is what it means to know God. A normative relationship is never enough. A faith that flirts cannot satisfy a God who loves.

I guess when we start to talking about what it means to love God, most of the time we end up talking about how much God loved us. We always thought that we are the ones who initiates the relationship but end up realizing that we are actually the ones at the responding end. When we fall in love with God, sin no longer satisfies us. Our fleshly passions are exchanged for a fresh new temptation, a temptation for holiness. Like Daniel, we are given an appetite for a different kind of food. And we are no longer satisfied with kissing our creator with a veil between our lips.

Skyward

Once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward.
- Leonardo Da Vinci

A good friend of mine recently commented “eh Matt, you are reading too many textbooks, time to read something easy for a change”, then shoved a book in my hand, titled: “Sex Sushi & Salvation” by Christian George. I guess I really do miss reading these books, I really missed the joy that comes from simple reading, missed those profound insights to God and life from their simple bite-sized words, the type that need no mental gymnastics.

In the introduction, the author writes an account of a bad turbulence, where he says – “the kind that makes Atheist pray like Catholic schoolgirls.” He recounts the distraction he noticed people, himself included, do when they are scared. Many people start praying, confessing their sins, count their life backwards. There are also other unique ones who read romance novels, gadget magazines and eat peanuts. I guess that may be the reason why more people feel closer to God when they are flying than they are on ground level. And that must also be the reason why Airports are often called Terminals. (Ha, this is so Ravi Zacharias)

Anyways, turbulence really have a way of reminding us what really matters in life. So what happens when life gets bumpy? Can peanuts prevent our pain? Can gadgets and gigabytes mask it? Or maybe alternative realities could do the job? I guess its easy to proclaim to be a Christian when exams are easy, bills are paid and your family/ministries are going well. Its when storms twist our exclamation points into question marks that we realize life to be bigger than our studies, jobs and ministries; that it revolves around something greater than ourselves.

I guess this really speaks about what our living faith is and should be. And like what the author says, me too wants that raw faith that satisfy the soul, that excitement that never ends, that life lived on the edge.

“Holy” Pickup Lines

For some peculiar reason, over the past few days I happened to chance upon a few sites hosting lots of these “Holy Pickup Lines”. They are really funny, but please keep in mind that those biblical instances are taken out of context. In short, don’t use them!

Gosh, I think my time in school is crafting my preference in jokes zzz. Anyways here are 10 of my favorites, have a good laugh people :)

1. “Nice bible.”

2. “God may be the bread of life, but you are the butter.”

3. “So, my parents are home, you wanna come over?”

4. “How many times do I have to walk around you to make you fall for me?”

5. “Can I buy you an non-alcoholic beverage?”

6. “I didn’t believe in predestination until tonight.”

7. “My spiritual gift is my good looks… it lifts peoples’ spirits”

8. “I consider myself to be a fisher of women.”

9. “I like to think that I’m all things to all women.”

And this must be the best play on Calvinism – Predestination!

10. “Hi, I’m Calvin. You were meant to choose me.”

:)

Spectacular Somethings Part 5

I never thought there would ever be a part 5 to this season of testing because I kinda received my monthly allowance cheque right after part 4 is written. So I thought all these would end but I ended up getting a rude shock when I realized that the cheque bounced. I was left with zero, the church staff were having their retreat and the bounced cheque was taking longer than usual to return. I figured that by the time it did, it would be too late and have to wait till after cny.

At that time I was really totally floored with anxiety as I got my accumulated bills to pay and my mom is expecting me to get some new clothes for the new year. I’m like so totally broke with no resource to go to that I took time to really pray the anxiety away. Now looking back I really wonder why I suddenly became so faithless at that point of time, right after God have brought me through so much. I am so ashamed of myself because my God has again proven himself to be the ever faithful God, the re-filler of my wallet, and nothing can hinder him from providing tangibly my basic needs.

So last Friday, my cell had steamboat. After I paid off my portion I’m left with $2. Just then, Jon Liew announced that his parents instructed him to give us each an angbao because they will be overseas. Inside mine was $10… I was like wow, like how many times do you see people giving out angbaos before cny. I guess God really does show his providence in the most unexpected of ways. Jon’s parents are really such a blessing :)

Well, that is not the best part, there are even something more amazing! So here comes Saturday when I needed to be in school. On my way to school I used $2 for breakfast (and so I’m left with $10) and felt the urge to sms one of my friend to catchup over a meal. Because school ended early, I headed to church and attended Youth and YA service. The same offering bag came around and so I threw in that same $10 – everything that is left… as usual I’m left with zero.

Then Jer came over and asked me to go for dinner. So I was like “er… okie but let me go home first”. I was thinking if I could go home I would be able to ask my parents to lend me some money. Anyways, due to some situation on the bus I did not get to go home and I was “forced” to borrow from her. Unknown to her, throughout the whole dinner I kept wondering the reason why God chose to be silent now that I’m in need.

So after dinner, I went off to meet with an old friend to catchup over supper. We met, and so from 10pm till 1am we chatted, shared our lives with one another and had the most wonderful time of fellowship. At 11.50pm he suddenly took out his card and asked for my account number saying that he is now earning quite abit and wants to find a outlet to bless people, afterward he deposited some money in my account. When I saw the amount I was like completely dumbfounded. There he told me to use the money to buy some clothes tomorrow (cny eve) for the new year. I almost cried hearing that, because I promised my mom that I would be buying clothes but secretly decided that I am not going to, due to my lack of money. But now I can! And in the process, I can make her happy. Its like a prayer/lament answered before the day ends!

It all still seems abit unreal, like everything is just a dream. I guess this should be the climax of the whole story. I know that God provides but I did not even dare to dream that he would provide so much more than the few dollars for my times of need.

Ah wells, this is part 5. I’m guessing there will not be a part 6 since God has tide me through this season and that cny is here. What an exciting journey it has been! God’s providence is always right on time. To Hell be the physical security blankets we throw around ourselves and let our God show us that he is indeed our God.

Review the Journey here: Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4

Theological Lightbulbs

How many Charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?
One – since his or her hands are in the air anyway.

How many Calvinists does it take to change a light bulb?
None. God has predestined when the lights will be on.

How many Arminians?
Only one, but first the bulb must want to be changed.

How many Baptists?
CHANGE?? But we have NEVER done it that way before!

How many Pentecostals?
Ten. One to change the bulb and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.

How many Charismatics?
None – unless the Lord leads.
If the Lord leads?
Two – one to change the bulb, the other to have a breakthrough.

How many Seventh Day Adventists?
Just one – as long as it isn’t Saturday.

How many TV evangelists?
One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation.

How many Mormons?
None – it’s beneath the character of a god to stoop and change a light bulb.

How many Atheists?
1 – but they are still in darkness.

How many Evolutionists?
None – it will change itself – it will just take billions and billions of years.

Read more here :)

Randomness

Check out these two cool Ads :)

Maybe I’m a little crazy here but during the Combined Leaders Meeting a rather radical idea suddenly came to my mind. The idea is becoming so deeply engraved in my mind that it becomes almost like a vision, something that is really possible. Shared with Jer once today and shared with serene TWICE! I’m just so excited!

Wouldn’t it be nice to see all of your cell members at the Combined Leaders Meeting? Wouldn’t it be nice to see all of your cell members serving the Lord at different leadership capacities? Wow this rather random thought really blows me away!

I guess this would stay in my mind for quite awhile… But really, wouldn’t it be so cooool?!

Spectacular Somethings Part 4

The number “4″ really does not do justice to the number of times God has provided for me monetarily. Just this weekend on Sat after YA service, I was looking at my wallet and thinking if I should join some group for dinner, because if I do, I might not have money for Sunday. When I was walking pass a room and one youth came to me, shoved $20 in my hands saying that he is returning me money, then he went back to the room. I’m like *mouth wide open*…

Okie so here is my dinner money, I ate my fill and reserved some for the next day. So Sunday came and I was supposed to meet Jer for main service over at G1. I overslept so had to cab down, so there goes like half of the money in my wallet. Went into the service with $10 and there comes the familiar offering bag. I was reminded of the exact same situation one month back when Jer is beside me and that I’m left with $10, seeing the same red bag being passed around. And so I took the step in faith, this time throwing in all $10 instead of the $2 I threw the last time.

I threw in all $10 knowing that I will not have enough to pay for lunch later in the leader’s meeting. I was really hoping that God would provide in someway or another. God did not seem to intervene. When it comes to the time of payment I started looking for options. So I approached Jer asking if she could help me pay first. And just when I completed my sentence Gaomin got to me and returned me $28 from Rhema Conference. I was like *mouth wide open* and Jer was like *eyes open wide*.

This season of monetary lack really boosted my faith oh-so-much. God opened my eyes to see how unimportant money really is as money comes and money goes. God can choose to give or take away but let our hearts always choose to praise him despite our situations. I guess the question is that if we are willing to move forward with that quiet confidence in the character of the Lord. God remembers His servants, He does not disappoint, He does not forget.

Oh Lord as I draw near to you, let me know your heart and help me understand the fullness of what it means to love you with all that I am… so that I might be able to inspire people to seek you also.

Blanket Mode

There are really so many things to do that I do not know where to start. Its times like this that I really want to hide under my blanket and wait for everything to die down, praying that world will forget about me or collapse on me.

I’m really trying so hard to carry on, to push myself, to get out of my blanket mode, to get up and to run again because I value those things around me much more than I value myself. Why does this happen so often? Its getting tiring to do the normal tasks while fighting this feeling.

I didn’t think I would miss church people so much. Now all I’m looking forward to is cell on Fridays and the weekend. Just when I am to raise up both hands and shout TGIF, I’m reminded that I’m having a full day worth of class on Sat + an Exam which I would most probably do badly in. Maybe I’m thinking this way because I had a rough week. What a nice way to start the semester… not.

Called to a Pattern of Holiness

This is what God put in my heart to share later during cell when I’m teaching on Romans 6:

When the Israel made covenant with God on Mount Sinai, it can be observed that God treated the covenant like a marriage contract (and that is why God instituted marriage). This is why throughout the OT scriptures you see words associated with marriage to illustrate the unfaithfulness of Israel, words like defile, prostituted, unfaithful, lust and many others, some being rather graphic.

However, it should be noted that while the common thoughts of Man is to divorce in the light of repeated unfaithfulness, God did not do that to Israel. Whenever Israel deviate from the commands of the Lord there was never a divorce but rather, God hid his face away from the the nation of Israel and sent His prophets to express His heart to the people. There was still this connection.

One good way to illustrate this is to look at how God instituted the function of the Israelite camp. We see in the OT that whenever a person came in contact with a corpse or was struck with a contagious disease like leprosy; women in their menstruation or after childbirth, God called them ceremonially unclean. And those unclean people are sent out of the community to be held in a holding place. After they are deemed clean, they go through this ritual called the mikvah.

Central to the orthodox Jewish community, there is this thing called the mikvah (you can google this). The word “mikvah” as transliterated from the Hebrew text, literally means a collection of water. However it is more than just a collection of water, a mikvah must be connected to a natural spring or well of naturally occurring water, this could be supplied by rivers and lakes which have natural springs as their source, in other words the water must must not be stagnant. It is specified that full immersion in that water is required to regain ritual purity after ritually impure incidents have occurred. This is very similar to the water baptism of today. In fact, this is where the idea of baptism comes from. However the effects of this, at least how the Jew would understand this, is far more beautiful then how we understand baptism to be (well, at least to me).

The people then step into the water and comes out of it after full immersion. What it means to the people is that holiness is restored and that they are now a new creation. So now they are allowed return to the Israelite camp as a new being. Most importantly all of the “outcast” are now allowed to join the community in worship. The beautiful thing as I understood from my lecturer is that the women are “outcast” every month due to menstruation. When they return to their husbands and are allowed to resume sexual relations, they return as new creation, virginity restored. This is the extend of what it means to be a new creation, this understanding being of “new creation” is really beautiful. It really opened my eyes to see the beauty of Paul’s understanding  (of the salvation event) when he writes in 2 Cor. 5:17 that “if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come.”

Anyways back to topic: Yes, this is a very troublesome process, and many times people don’t want to leave their loved ones behind when they go to the holding place. But because of this troublesome process, the Jews became very careful with their life because they do not want to go back to be an outcast. They watch their ways and are very conscious in their keeping with the commandments.

It is with this understanding of mikvah that Paul writes Romans 6. And I believe that now when Romans 6 is being read, a new light will be shone on the text. That this light will shine beyond the text and give us comprehension to know mind of God, the God who wants us to be holy as He is holy.

A good way to summaries the practicality of Romans 6 would be using this example: If I am to wear clean white clothes I would want to be very careful when I’m eating Laksa because I do not want to stain my clean white clothes, I may not even want to risk eating it regardless of the pleasure it brings.

With this understanding, let us strive to be holy, not wanting to stain our clothes. Christians need to bear in mind that they are always wearing their best as the bride of Christ. (*pretends to be wearing a gown* do you want to stain your gown on your wedding day?) Therefore strife to be holy, one day at a time. When you past the first day, give thanks to God and work towards another day! And in time this will become a pattern of holiness. This my friends, is something that you will definitely be proud of, just as how God is proud of you! That you present yourself as a holy sacrifice, pleasing unto the Lord.

And for the leaders, let 2 Cor. 4: 1-3 be the anthem of our allegiance to the Lord most high:

“Therefore since through God’s mercy we have this ministry, we do not lose heart. Rather, we have renounced secret and shameful ways; we do not use deception, nor do we distort the word of God. On the contrary, by setting forth the truth plainly we commend ourselves to every man’s conscience in the sight of God.”

Let us be extremely aware of God and avoid the dangers of leading a double life.

Much Afraid

Lullaby by Pedro the Lion

The sun shines
and leaves blow
and my hope like autumn
is turning brown.
And I know it seems like
I’m always falling down.

But it does not matter to me although it seems like it should.
It’s because I know I’m understood when I hear Him say
“Rest in me, little David
and dry all your tears,
you can lay down your armor
and have no fear
cause I’m always here when your tired of running,
and I’m all the strength that you need.”

It’s up hill
both ways,
tomorrow I swear
I won’t act this way.
And I know it seems like
that is what I always say.

You know I want to be like Jesus,
but it seems so very far away,
and when will I learn to obey, obey
-

There is this sudden wave of disappointment coming down on me. Have been wondering about the reason as to why I need such a long time to understand and commit to memory the various concepts; the reason why I am taking so long to get my lessons done; and the reason as to why those irritating mental blocks are being so persistent.

Those thought really make small things look like giants. I’m suddenly missing alot of my friends. Maybe its that time of the night where loneliness hits the hardest. Maybe I should sleep.

Uncommonsensical Wisdom

Maybe I’m just easily amazed but I’m always astounded by how much things can change just because God revealed Himself.

This person can be in the deepest pit facing all possible discouragements but all these will change just because God spoke to him. There would be this impossible situation too impossible for anyone to fix or mountain too steep and high for anyone to scale but all these would become possible just because God intervened. There could be this person whom we tried to convince for so long but we found that our persuasion can never parallel the effect of God moving in that person’s life.

Maybe this is what people meant when they “rest in the Lord”, that in the face of all discouragement, doubt and certain death, the wise would choose to seek the Lord; not because they have no other options but because they value this option higher than any other options and opinions available. With this conscious choice they held on to the assumption that the genuine seeker after God will surely find Him. And strange enough, their assumption never seem to fail and there they find their strength.

The Fasting Perspective

The clearest explanation about fasting must be the one by Peter Soh when he says that fasting of food is the best way to learn the principles behind self-control. You see, when you fast, your body becomes super weak till the point where you have to will your body to move. In the willing process one would usually need to swap the hunger pangs with the given objective of fasting; be it praying for situations, events or persons, the one fasting would need to do a purposed mental swap to choose to focus on God instead of that hunger pang.

I have always ditched the fasting idea giving physical reasons like my high metabolism where my hands and body would tremble when I deprive my body of food for extended periods of time. Because of this, I reasoned that I can always fast other things besides food, anyways there are so many other challenging options.

Now coming to think of it, food is indeed the best fasting option. No one can deny our overwhelming need for food, its like the common sense for basic survival. And the weaker the body the more it makes perfect sense to fast as the effects would be even more pronounced.

Self-control is not something that can be  learn by studying its principles, it is to be learnt through practice. So if you want to learn self-control, join me this year as I learn to seek God by the way of fasting and praying :)

Grace for the Zero(s)

So the fanfare of the holiday season has faded into the calendar of another year. Someone remarked to me that it seems like the advertising people are just waiting for the new year to come and Christmas to be over… what a killjoy they are.

Now that school has started I’m really missing the times where I can devote myself to doing ministry. Church is one of those few places where I really feel at home. Coming to think of it, God really uses such peace to direct me. Its the same peace that God led me to study at the school that I am in. It is that same peace when I know I’m doing things right and that I’m at where God wants me to be.

I’m so thankful that God decides to use such a zero like me when most of the time I just mess things up. I figured that God’s grace is that enabling power, it can be seen as those opportunities for us to exercise our gifting when most of the time all we find ourselves doing is messing up. And this is the grace of God – that he gives us the chance to do it again and again and each time we find ourselves producing things that are less and less messy.

Oh Lord, Your words and thoughts are like giants next to mine. My only hope is that I can resemble you in the smallest of ways and that you will be proud of me.

To Believe in You

Happening people!

Just returned from R.E.A.L. Camp’09. It was such a blessing to be able to spend the beginning of the new year with them and I’m glad to say that I would prefer to spend it no other way. If there were any gifting I would thank God for, it would be the capacity for believing in people. Looking at each of their talents and special quirks I really believe from the bottomest of my heart that they would be used so mightily for the glory of the Most High.

For the past few days, God keep speaking to me reminding me that those youths are neither my kids nor are they my ministry, that they are His children, He loves them intimately and they have a special place in His heart. And this really sets my perspective, that even if the program we planned were to fail in many possible ways; God would never fail to minister to his Children because He loves them dearly and desires to meet with those who sincerely seek Him. This clearly reminds me of 2 Cor 4 – that it is by His mercy that we have this ministry. God does not need us to work for Him but it is by His mercy that God gave us our ministries to work for His glory so that through it, we as undeserving people can express our gratitude. Therefore we do not preach ourselves but Christ Jesus as Lord and ourselves being as servants for the sake of Christ Jesus.

God spoke so clearly to me in the night services: “Remember 8 years back you stood at this very same room singing the very same songs making the very same commitment? This is where it all started.” I cannot fully articulate how special R.E.A.L. program is to me. It has really been one of the milestones in my life, the turning point in fact. If there were no R.E.A.L. program, I would not be what I am today and I am really grateful for God to put it in Ps. Ronald the desire to start this program running back then.

08

We really need to thank God for taking us seriously… even when we don’t take him or ourselves the same way.

Misc.Thoughts after Midnight

Just finished doing my first graphic work on my new macbook and it… sucks. I really miss my 22″ PC and the software inside. I wonder if its the mice that I use or its the macbook but the cursor somehow jumps? Its such a bane to use especially when I really need to do alot of precision clicking. Makes simple things so troublesome :(

I have just gotten news that I’m made co-editor and the main editor will deal with the Chinese side and mine being the English side. Now isn’t that the same set of responsibilities I rejected?! Isn’t it the same thing just in different words?! Ah God, looks like what you wanted me to do is inescapable. Its just interesting how you make things go full circle and gets me every time I try to reject them. Well, at least I will not struggle in the role alone. Lord, you placed me there, sustain me please, I’m feeling the weight already. My academic load for next semester isn’t light at all either :(

I really fear what next year holds. The only few things that my mind is looking forward to now is 1. Watchnight 2. R.E.A.L camp 3. Friday celltimes. The rest are just to big to think of for now :(

It became quite irritating to reject so many paid jobs coming in suddenly. When I made it a point to obey God – to reject every paid projects when the dateline stretches over to my semester – everything starts coming in at the same time. Got some feedback from some of my friends saying that I am crazy. When now people want all the jobs that they can find and here I am rejecting 2k – 1k – 3k… It pains me to see money floating away when they came so near to me.

Teach me Lord what it means to love you more than the world. To seek your favor than that of the world.

2nd Corinthians Chapter 4

In terms of ministry I feel God really forcing me to stretch in terms of breadth. I have always known that I can be a strong influence over church youth and because of that it would be smooth for me to do youth ministry. However I’m now trusted in another direction quite foreign to me as Ps. Cx thought that it would be a fitting challenge. And it is! Things are just so different when extending influence to my peers, many of them being leaders themselves.

Then there is the basketball team youths whom many are unchurched and Ps. Ronald wants me to bring reach out to them. It is such a challenge! How do I break into their strong clique? How do I even remember all their names? They are the community youths and its like church planting, kinda like starting from zero where you need to give a reason for people to listen and follow you. What a stretch this is going to be!

Then there is school – my principal recently spoke to me about heading the Lighthouse team (school magazine committee) being the Editor aka project manager which I quickly rejected because I was really not confident. Well, I do know how magazines are produced but I’m just not confident being new and all. I guess I just do not see myself as that type of person who manages people. At the very core I suppose I’m very contented and comfortable just art directing. Seems like God wants me to change. So I promised the guy that I would take that role next year (2010). One thing that hit me is that I really need my driving license before 2010 starts as I would need to move around alot as the role requires.

I guess its the time between Christmas and the 31st that make us look forward and backwards at the same time. Like I have never thought of myself much as a mountain climber (and wow huge mountains lies ahead of me), but with a sense of gratefulness for what the mercy of God means to me, I dare myself to move forward holding on to the promise that the Lord that I serve will never leave me or forsake me. And therefore my prayer for the new year is still the same.

“Lord, send me anywhere, only go with me. Lay any burden on me, only sustain me. Server any ties but the ties that bind me to your service and to your heart.” – David Livingstone

Spectacular Somethings Part 3

It was a blast!

I thought it would be rather cool to journal down each and every detail of how God provides for me during this period of time. So here goes part 3.

I checked my wallet last night and it was empty, no notes, no coins, nothing. Woke up this morning knowing that I really need some money but found it so difficult to ask them from my parents so I decided to ask God instead. I asked God for just $5 as I would be needing it for my cell’s Christmas gathering. When I was about to step out of my house I opened my wallet again and there it was – 2 x $2 notes with some coins that adds up to a total of $5. I had no idea where the money came from, and had ruled out the possibility of people putting money in my wallet. This is just amazing – another jaw dropping wow for me.

I was just telling Lionel about this when we were buying dinner, that these type of encounters seems only “achievable” when you are reduced to zero. I guess these situations forces us to focus on God rather than finding solutions in ourselves. We all made plans to be unbreakable and in doing so, we unknowingly left God out of the picture we paint for ourselves.

Want to live life on the cutting edge? Give it all, make it zero. I seriously dare you.

God does not forget

Eph 2:13 – “But now in Christ Jesus we who were formerly were far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ.”

As I reflect on what the birth of Christ meant for different people, I realized things are different in biblical times; for the Jew, the birth of Christ meant that the perfection of the Law was no longer dependent upon external performance but upon the Law written on the heart.

However for the Gentiles, they were the ones that God commanded His people to stay away from and not intermingle lest the purity of God’s holiness as reflected on His people, be marred. The fact is that there are Gentiles craving to be included in God’s community because they witnessed His care, concern and provision for His people. Jesus Christ is their answer.

And it is because of this that my heart really goes out to the lost-but-not-yet-found / the lonely and hurting people this Christmas. The phrase “God does not forget” weights heavily on my heart. I believe that through this season where decorations, meals and gifts all seem to happen in order to fit within the holiday motif and to satisfy the holiday requirements, that God will present to you the true understanding of Christmas – that God does not forget and He is truly Emmanuel and that this understanding will transcend your present situation and that you can give God due praise.

Spectacular Somethings Part 2

I remember posting in October regarding a lament about my lack of experience in the tangible monetary provision of God, and I went on to say that this lack has been feeding me with doubts since this provision seems to be a normal experience among most servants of the Lord.

Wed night was quite something for me, after getting my much needed macbook (which I have been saving up for quite sometime), I practically drained my whole savings account. I saved up just enough money for the edu. priced macbook but the retail stores does not sell them with the edu. discounts. Jer managed to pull some strings with her ex boss and it became possible to get what I wanted at the price that I can afford. I really thank God for Jer, she has been such a blessing to me. She gave me a notebook sleeve when I could not afford one; after checking out the price, I found it to be rather ex…

Whats even more cool is this; during the service at night when it came the time for offering collection, I opened my wallet and realized that I was down to my last $10. I really wanted to give it all but the hesitation was real – it was my last $10. I put in only $2 (how faithless!) and after I did that Jeanie turned around and passed me an envelope saying that an anonymous person wanted me to pass me this – I opened it and there it was – a $50 note. I was like *eyes-wide-open-woah!*, its really something out of a standard testimony happening. And the coolness doesn’t end here yet, over the next few days people have been coming forward to return me money – $5, $10, $2… Its such a miracle that all these happen at the same time and they became the money I did not know I had.

My mom also asked me to help her buy a wireless laptop mouse that she could use when she bring her lappie out. Well, if she doesn’t then I get to use it!!! So its all cool now. I’m able to bring my work around, to be where I need to be and to do work there – something I would not be able to do last time and esp so now, since I would be moving around quite abit from now on. I guess this is a sobering reminder that God does not forget and desires to give us good gifts when he sees it fit to do so. Our part is to be faithful in doing the will of the Lord and not to worry about hindrances for He is faithful and He makes our paths straight.

Rhema Conference

I really thank God for the chance to serve as a counselor (among other roles) during the span of Rhema Con. Guess it is like a testing ground for me to explain the gospel, to speak of complex terms and the reason for christian practices without the use of christian lingo. I guess the true goal of teaching is to make the lesson simple even when the truth/principle is complicated. And I’m glad to say that by the grace of God, I passed my own test.

It has become totally exciting to meet new believers who are also excited about their new found savior. The Gospel has never been so alive to me till I see it in their faces. And it is also exciting to witness how God can move through me; I guess my area of ministry would really be in preaching and teaching, just like what God said it would be, it is slowly becoming more and more real; to the extent that it becomes scary to see what He told me happening. God has showed and promised me many things, and some of the things are so big that I really just don’t want to believe them when I look at my current self.

I guess I am at the stage where I can totally identify with people who share their testimonies about God’s tangible provision and how this is the time where they need God more than ever. The greater the mountain means the greater the time spent in prayer seeking favor, wisdom and direction.

Change has started. I guess things would be very exciting from now.

Minefield

Most people think that birthdays and funerals are like poles apart but I starting to look at them thinking that they are the same – that they both celebrate the gift of life. Staring at a blank piece of canvas trying to convince myself that my relationship with my dad cannot be defined by pieces of design that I can do for him.

Its like a minefield of emotions and I think tripped them all today. Can’t even type well nowadays. So be it.

Untitled

So many things happened in a span of a few days, things that are not too nice to talk about openly. Now I can’t wait for leader’s retreat, just wanna go somewhere and just get away from my immediate environment for a few days.

Something New

This is rather unusual; its not really like me to be so focused on so many things, to be the driver of my own plans, to even plan things and to see that the plan itself comes to past. I know that these are the qualities I have been praying for, that these are qualities necessary to fill my future role in the kingdom of God according to His calling. But all these are coming so suddenly that I’m really afraid that they will go away as fast as they came judging that I’m primarily a sanguine by nature.

So may this be some sort of a new beginning. May I never be so busy that God becomes first priority only in theory but not practiced. May I never be too busy that I be blinded towards the people I love. May I, may I not forget who I was, my weaknesses and all and take this chance to set up barriers to guard them tight.

Lord, as I look at the plans I have for next year, they really do look so huge on my side of the plane but I know it is considered accomplished with you and I really do need you more than before. May you never fail to speak to me, and may I never fail to keep myself in check so that I would never fail to hear from you – that the most busy of time would find me seeking you all the more.

Deplorable

This must be the lowest I ever felt in long time.

The every present moment

Jesus repeats himself five times here: “Don’t worry.” Don’t worry about your life, for your heavenly Father knows what you need. Listen to the birds and consider how God cares for them. Look at the flowers and learn from their effortless beauty. Don’t worry about wealth like the pagans do, for despite what the advertisers say, your life doesn’t consist of your possessions. Don’t fret about the past or obsess about the future over which you have no control, but rather learn to enjoy the every present moment.

Reading Matt 6:25-34 really struck a long-time cord within me.

Psalm 23

The Lord is my teacher; He is all that I need.

He makes me rest to give me clarity; He leads me in my study.

He restores my confidence in Him; He guides me as His
presence is with me.

Even though faces of the lecturers keep appearing in my mind, I will fret not, for You are with me; Your love and faithfulness, they strengthen me.

You prepare a table before me with assignments that I need to complete, You anoint my brain with wisdom, my joy overflows.

Surely, goodness and love will follow me all the days in AGBC, and I will dwell in the library with the Lord forever.

Image of God

Another funeral. This makes the third one I attended this month. Many thoughts just popped in as I stayed overnight; the most impressive one should be when I sneaked a peek into the coffin when no one is around and there lay Auntie May. So yes we are created in the image of God and therefore this shapes the believer’s value of humanity, but when do we begin to be “made in the image of God” and of course when do we cease to be an image of God? From dust we come, to dust we will eventually revert. Now this understanding bears a huge weight (and maybe even the definitive) on arguments about Abortion and Euthanasia where the believer talk about pro-life or pro-choice and defining death.

Was just talking to Ewen over msn about this issue and thought that next time I would want to preach at my parents funeral for I believe that its my parents’ desire to see people come to know Christ as their personal savior. Like what Ewen said, me too can’t believe how people can go to funerals and leave unfazed by the seemingly random unpredictability of what life is. And that only in Christ do we find the answer in the believer’s assurance of destiny.

On hindsight, the last minute decisions to stay over at the void deck while pushing back doing my assignments… I kinda like the spontaneity of it all, if this is what God wants me to do as ministry, I really don’t mind. Maybe its a package and this all comes with it.

Spectacular Somethings

Often we read and hear from other people about their oh-so-many spectacular moments when God lead them towards something or in certain directions. It must be very odd of me but sometimes the more I listen to such amazing testimonies the more discouraged I feel. I keep wondering whats wrong with me, why am I not experiencing such things when I should, and it somehow leads me to think if I’m really doing what God wants me to do.

You see, many times when seeking direction, we tend to ask God to show us something spectacular. Like to show us a clear sign. I’m not to say God does not work in this way, in fact there are many testimonies stating that God does show himself in this manner. Its just that sometimes we wipe off the little somethings that God does and expect him to deliver the way we expected him to.

Sometimes I guess we should really take a step back and look at what God has done in our lives. When we do, we would notice those little somethings that God has provided in one way or another. Insignificant as what they may seem by themselves, but when combined, they are spectacular indications of God’s presence in our lives and the direction he intends of us to pursue.

I guess most of us have figured that there is actually a span of time between that when we decide to obey the call of God and the actualization of that intention. And even after that, there is a even longer span of time at which God prepares us for whatever and wherever he wants us to be. Each step seem to demand more faith in the promises of God. Just when I thought that I have given enough of myself, God seem to seek more of me. As if dying to myself is not enough, he seem to want me D.E.A.D., the state of complete surrender. The deeper I walk down the path of surrender, the more I’m realized how faithless I am, and of course, the amount of things I keep holding on to, even when I say “Lord, all that I am, I lay them down before you.”

Prayer Room

Back in school, the seemingly seldom used prayer room has got to be my favorite. It is just a small little room in a corner of the school and when you close the door and switch off the light no one can really tell if anyone is inside. Well that is really a good thing as privacy is really hard to come by for me. Hence I made a commitment to spend at least a half hour inside every time I have to stay in school for an extended amount of time.

I believe I have grown alot through the last three months however there is a significant area that has been leaving me puzzled so, it has been really weird. You see, I used to instinctive know where to go and what God wanted me to do but now God seems silent. I do not know if its a dry spell or something but what I do know is that God still does speak to me. Like I still know where and which area of ministry I should be getting into and he still reminds me every time I failed in a particular area, but those are nothing compared to what I can hear from God last time. It’s as if God is teaching me a new way of listening to his voice as I hold on to what I know about his character.

Maybe this is what faith is as worded in James 1:17 – that we believe that God does not change like shifting shadows. God is like that light that doesn’t create shadows because He is always at the zenith, never moving.

When the winds blow.

Actually, the things we learnt, the things we thought we knew; they would only makes sense when tested by real circumstances. Without them, those knowledge only just scratches the surface of our heart and amounts to nothing much.

Maybe that’s why God allows such defining things to happen and in doing so, mold us to become the character of our speech. So that, what we are, matches the God that we talk about. God has many unsuspecting ways to turn things around I guess, unsuspecting for us.

12 Lotus

This is one of the few nights where I feel as if I’m drowning; swirling around within a myriad of thoughts, so many that it provides me with the impetus to record some of the more pertinent ones before they float away again into nothingness.

First: Experience + Experience = World-view

Decided to spend today with Jia Liang since he need not go back to his camp for this whole week. During lunch I popped the question that I have always forgot to ask. So we talked about his missionary calling and his plans based on such a calling. I’m so glad that his mind is being stirred, this is something the God has been putting in my heart for so long, glad that its finally out and gone/done.

Together we also watched 12 Lotus and Money No Enough 2 (finally!). 12 Lotus is a really good film but its not really mainstream so some people will not be to appreciate this melodrama that is in-your-face painful, as the fiction story it presents is very plausible. It’s really different from Royston’s previous 881. To me, its alot better although theres alot of differing opinions going around. Anyways creativity wise, films by Jack really pales in comparison to Royston’s.

What really hits home (for me at least) is how strikingly real the direct effect of our negative past experience can have in our relation to others. Hence its easy to observe how our world-view is being shaped experience by experience. Like how we always go through life thinking that we know whats going on, but actually we really don’t until we consciously decide to take a step back to really observe ourselves and our beliefs. I guess this film is good in a way that it forces me to take that backward step.

Artistically, this film gave me a more in-depth understanding about the symbolism of the colour, Pink. Coincidentally, this happens to be one of the colours I have chosen for Rhema Conference 08

Growing old alone

Recently at school happened to be talking to someone in his (late?) forties and the conversation goes something like this:

Matt: so where will you be going after this?
Mr.x : maybe going to catch a movie.
Matt: oh! thats nice, with who?
Mr.x : go alone lar, i always go alone to the movies alone.
Mr.x : at home also always alone so no difference.
Mr.x : my friends all married liao, not nice to disturb them.
Matt: er… thats true, *mumbles* and its sad (goes into deep thought)
Mr.x : so see you around bah.

This type of loneliness kinda scares me now, can’t imagine it becoming a norm for people. Is that the reason why single women in ministry and in seculars working environment can be so productive at work? Are they being busy in an effort to fight loneliness? If yes then its really sad. Sad truth.

Change

As much as people would say that change is constant, there is a part of me that seems strangely resistant to this change.

I still have an uncanny knack for the creative side of life.
My taste in music hasn’t changed much.
I still feel 18.
I still have a largely seeking mind.
I still wished that I was smarter, more musically inclined, to be able to speak better…
My constant need for God grace.

I rarely do tests, but I thought this one is really accurate?… hhas

Your Brain’s Pattern

Your mind is an incubator for good ideas, it just takes a while for them to develop. But when you think of something, watch out! Your thoughts tend to be huge, and they come on quickly – like an explosion. You tend to be quiet around others, unless you’re inspired by your next big idea.

What Pattern Is Your Brain?

Labels

There are so many terms to call yourself, like for example if I told people that I would be studying philosophy or religions (which in some sense, I’m right by saying so) they would probably go “Ah, thats interesting.” But if you tell people that you will be doing theology, you will get a long are-you-serious type stare assuming that they understand what you mean. Then after that you will see them asking the chain of why-what-when-how questions with them already having certain perceptional bias about such people even before they asked the questions. Then you will soon figure that there is one more pair of eyes watching your life waiting to fault you for flaws that are human, then they will prove to themselves, “see all Christians are like that.”

Maybe this is too far fetched but its true to some extent, thou not all the time. Anyways the point is that its really not very nice to answer questions people ask out of boredom. The army is full of this (maybe in taxi cabs too), people just like to ask where or what you would be doing after the 2year term. Every time I’m asked this I would feel so tempted to lie (or just not telling the full truth) just to get away with it because you just don’t want to deal with their responses. Slowly you would try to lessen your guilt by reasoning that they wouldn’t understand even if you told them. But you will still know deep down that you lied.

the dark side of me

There is this guy who is my mom’s friend and one day he decided to declare an one-sided cold war due to some misunderstanding. There comes a time where we happened to meet and out of my sanguine disposition I practically pranced around him saying a big “Hello” to which he completely ignored. Fast tracking to the now, that guy and my mom have cleared the misunderstanding and are now starting to talk again. But the point remains, if we have issues with a particular someone why take it out against his/her son? Is it even objective anymore?

I guess the weightier issue has got to do with myself, why do I find it so hard to forgive the person? Okie, maybe its not a forgiveness issue but more of an acceptance issue. Why issit so hard for me to open up or talk to him again? This is not really the first time such rejection happened to me but the question is why do I react this way now? I guess I would never see him in the same light again.

Maybe this is just one side of me that I really don’t quite understand yet.

Fresh Start

People often asked for the reason as to why I haven’t blogged for such a long time. For convenience’s sake I always told them that I lost my password, but this is just not true. The truth is that there were just so many things all happening at once that it became hard for me to put them all in words. So actually there are many times when I come in here trying to blog something but everything eventually got backspaced. So in time things get compounded, there were more and more things to blog about but nothing really came out and so after that I didn’t even bother to log-in. I guess blogs are like kinda like Tamagotchis. They seem like alot of fun but then it becomes this thing that you have to keep feeding.

Anyways, recently I just got out of the army (so free-er perhaps), so I guess I should fire up this blog again. So hence this post.

ps: so how do i get the chat box working again? hmmmm.

Many of my peers are now away on mission trips. I don’t know why but somehow praying for them really makes me feel lousy. Like why am I like stuck in army, in a stifling and at times, a killjoy environment. Why be there when I can do many things elsewhere.

I wonder where God is leading me to but I’m sure that he is preparing me for something. Blind following is exciting but I guess when there are no visible or tangible results, doubt will start to flow. Full time work + studies = no life.

Looking forward to the retreat. Like finally its almost here :)

Ear ache

Oh gosh I’m going crazy, this morning at 5am, I woke up to an ear ache so intense that it kept me from sleeping and got me rolling around on the living room sofa. Its kinda like someone is playing pinball in my head with the ear part being the area for bonus points. As I was rolling around and praying for the pain to stop. I kinda thought of something, when one part of the body is hurting, every other parts respond to it. Shouldn’t this apply to the body of Christ too? Then I notice my prayer focus changing, I started praying for the church not to develop spiritual leprosy where when one part of the body is hurting, we don’t feel the pain at all.

Of course, I prayed for mercy too. For God not to use such pain to speak to me, it really hurts lah! I’m now sick with a paper tomorrow and I’m fighting the urge to sleep or do stupid things like watching tv all day instead of studying. I took 3 days off from work to study, not to be sick. Argh gosh.

Anyways check out my new found friends on webcam :)

Not knowing

“If, when I was asleep I was a man dreaming I was a butterfly, how do I know when I am awake I am not a butterfly dreaming I am a man?” – Lao Tse

Besides the fact that butterflies do not dream like a human; or even dream at all, his point is clear, that we can never know for sure about anything. It means to the person that there is no God, or even if there is, we can never know.

Somehow now people actually pride themselves for not knowing. This new unknowingness has somehow became the new epitome of knowledge. It is the enlightenment to the understanding that many things we thought we know exists, never existed, cannot exist and cannot be known. This idea runs much contrary to the belief of the vast majority. This encapsulates what it means to be postmodern.

With what that is taught in schools, portrayed in modern art and films, it is clear that our culture is driving towards naturalistic assumptions. They tell us that mathematics is real; therefore, our brain is real. Food is real; therefore, our stomach is real. But the absolute moral order is not real. It is purely something created within and therefore it is not real. It does not and cannot exist.

Today, for the first time I was faced with such a weird question that suddenly makes so much sense. In this world, “How do I know I exist?”

The question without its background really sounds stupid but after much thought I realized that it is a no wonder why the ’smartest brains’, people who know so much, can be so lost.

Exemplar Living

It was weird just thinking about it, its just interesting how God can speak to us even when we are not praying. Its like Him speaking to us albeit uninvited but its easy to figure that it is a good thing. I mean I really wonder how prayerfully changed we can be without God doing the initiating and starting the whole prayer engine system running. Anyways God spoke today and He asked me a pointed question in five words. “Are you still a leader?”

Ever since I entered the army I have been lead by people. Most of them are rather slack but there are also those people who abuse their power by making people scurry around so that they can look and feel good. They direct all faults at us and treat nsfs as expendable for their own promotion. They unconsciously taught me how the army works, that it is a wretched authoritarian system that I need to personally find loopholes to get around it. And lastly there are these few who really lead by example, they uphold the standard of discipline by being that standard themselves. They are the rare few who desire to affect change in the system as it is to what it would be. Most importantly, their presence gave me permission to do the same.

I’m on a driving course now. It has been really tough for me but I thank God that I got the chance to observe two of those people whom leadership I really respect. Being unconsciously trained by those despots in my previous camp, I made use of every opportunity to do what I want without being punished. I got my own ways of doing things that appeal to logic, people’s kindness and grace. Those were fun, and so I thought, and I got things done the way people wanted it, in half the time, my way! I thought I was smart until God spoke to me and somehow brought me to observe the two officers going through the same course as me. They are working as man (not commanders), doing things and bringing things as commanded by the course instructor. I realized that certainly they are not dumb as to not understand the meaning of their rank, that they need not do the things they are doing if they do not want to. However there is no “air” around them as senior officers. Witnessing their humility was like receiving a smack in the face, a “kick in the teeth” by a being non other than God Himself.

Its so shameful that God needed to give me such a rude awakening to tell me that I am still a leader in church and that leadership is not really a given. Its is a lifestyle of example. So am I still a leader? So asked God. I really want to change. I feel so ashamed that I have fallen so far.

The fellowship of believers

Just now we had a short night chapel service in school; a 5 min worship session followed by a short 15min sermon by Peter Soh. The worship was just so wonderful. I guess I really missed the privileged experience of people praising God, worshipping and praying together with me. Such environment really spurs me on in my walk with God. I guess they also serve as a reminder that I am not the only one around chasing tight after God. Even though I do not know most of the people there, I feel that the worship had already bonded us together.

It’s really been so long since I am able to go for a church service and I would say that I really miss it. I think what I really long for is a good time of fellowship. However the thing that satisfies me today is not the typical fellowship that we always talked about. Christian fellowship doesn’t really happen unless God is the focus of a gathering of God’s people. Biblical fellowship is really powerful as God really moves through the fellowship and uses them to encourage the individuals.

I really thank God. It’s a small thing but I really feel that it’s a great privileged to be able to be there :)

Cue the sun

I tried my best to fight this feeling of uselessness and I really wished I could do so much more. I’m so stuck in camp that I feel so useless in ministry and so distant from everyone. Can close friends become strangers? Oh Lord, sustain me.

If I find my way through the darkest of days,
Will I laugh about the things that kept me awake?
But if my greatest fear paints itself so crystal clear,
Will I run away or will I hide?

And if I don’t come home tonight,
Just know I tried my best to fight.
Please don’t think I plan to lose to the night.
And curse the moon so dull and bright,
My heavy soul can’t stand the light.
It burns me straight to the bones, my bones.

Kept promises

I have always known that God has called me into ministry but many times just I don’t want to believe it because that path would require me to sacrifice my dreams and ambitions in unbelievable proportions. And because of that I really struggled for quite some time (I still am but in minor proportions) and managed to obey and submit. I have always known that God wants me to study during my time in army (and after that) in preparation for ministry later on.

So as an obedient worshiper I started to take on modules. Since then I have always been so surprised that my regimental duties NEVER fell on my class dates. To those who didn’t knew I just got posted out from my current base HQ office to some far ulu ammo depot due to fierce office politics. I was rather shocked and worried when I first got the news. In my mind, I questioned God about my calling; I questioned God about his promise. I wonder why he would put an end to things when things are going so well, according to his plan. I was so seriously stressed up that I can do nothing but worry.

To my utter surprise my new work place is even better than the previous! Apart from the obvious much less stressful environment, there is this policy in my new unit that encourages its personnel to study. So with that policy, they will definitely not place me on regimental duties on my class dates and on top of that, I’ll be able to leave camp one hour earlier than the usual.

As if that is not good enough, it was raining on the first time I left for my class from camp and so I was waiting for the bus. I realized that I was going to be late since I’m in a very ulu place and the bus is not coming. Then there was this contractor who was driving out from the camp. So in my mind I wished that he could give me a lift all the way to my desired destination. I figured that the chances were very slim but I gave it a try anyways. What can I say?! God is really good! By him fetching me all the way is really as if God is putting the icing on the cake. Oh wow!

I still think that God is really interesting and irritating all at the same time. It’s like a love-hate relationship. But I guess here, the loving bit clearly out weights the hate bit. So much so as to now, I willingly submit to his Lordship because I’m very sure that he is the faithful one, and he will keep his part of the ‘bargain’ and take care of me every step of the way.

The Bible says it so well with a succinct promise in Isaiah 26:3: “You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you”. Many times the reason in which we are stressed is due to our lack of faith. We stress unnecessarily over the question of God’s providence when if we have enough faith in him, we need not. I believe that with faith, we can truly have like what Isaiah described as perfect peace.

Probably that’s the reason as to why we usually observe in people whom we deem as ‘full-of-faith’, this bubbly joy that transcends personality and we marvel at the way this joy makes them look so alive. That is because true joy comes from peace that flows from within. It’s only with faith can we begin to experience the peace that Isaiah speak of. And with that can we experience that true joy which is by no accident, one of the fruits of the spirit that Apostle Paul talks about.

When we are living in his will, we will experience surprising things at every turn. The many impossibles that He will make possible just simply because He wills it to be. And truly, just as how King David put it in Psalm 27 “The LORD is the stronghold of my life of whom shall I be afraid?” If God is with us who can be against us!

So lets all believe that God really works for the good of those who believe in him, those whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in him. Let’s believe in it and live it out!

The solution out of a depression

Recently it seems like many people whom I talked to are going through a time of testing where faith is very much needed. I’m having mine too with real situations at work that seems to crush down; I come to question the sovereignty of God, the things that he promised me that he will bring it to pass. And many times I come to wonder about the greatness of the God I worship. It has become very intense recently especially when undesirable news come literally rushing one by one.

When I was praying I was reminded of so many instances in the bible. Like the prayer of King Jehoshaphat, in 2 Chronicles 20, in the form of 3 rhetorical questions, declaring in faith, the character of God in the face of a losing war. I was reminded of Job when his theology comes into question and when he realized that the good man doesn’t necessary get good things. When everything doesn’t seem fair to him, his solution is to worship God. I was then reminded of the prophet Habakkuk, that when Israel is in sin and that there is violence everywhere, he too questioned God about his holiness, divine justice and even the power of God. (Habakkuk 1:2-4) Even in his angst, he later got down in humility and engaged in God declaration worship.

Isn’t it true that when belief in God becomes difficult the tendency is to turn away from him? We try to solve things because the problem seems so huge and urgent that God really needs to take second place. It seems that God is telling us to take a look at everything from his perspective so that we will understand that God not only exist and that He will not only act but will also give us a new set of eyes to see everything and we will find out that God is complete control.

If somehow we can get the perspective of God, our problems become just finite problems.

The solution is really to worship God, to declare his praises, to declare his character to ourselves. And I remember the words of Chesterton, that “God is like the sun. You cannot look at it, but without it you cannot look at anything else.”

“Are you not,” “did you not,” “will you not,” these are the timely words of King Jehoshaphat that God used to remind me of himself, that he is the God of the present, the past and the future. Lord, don’t let me lose my sense of wonder and awe of you. Let me witness in the most practical of ways, how immeasurably big and all encompassing you are.

Good picture keeps attention

“Why do we keep looking at this picture as if we were expecting something to happen?” That is the question that we are forced to ask ourselves when we are looking at good pictures. Probably we might not really be expecting something, but while viewing we might just be reliving our memories with exclamations like, “Hey I thought I was wearing red that day.” and “No, I remember you carrying flowers.” and “Hey we used to do this!”. The point is that good pictures, keeps attention and we expect good pictures to bring to mind something dear to us, something we feel for.

This year’s CNY is really an experience that I really want to give thanks for. To be honest, it’s really boring, and normative right from the reunion dinner. The only big difference is that this year’s reunion dinner is really that of a reunion as compared to last year’s big thing where both of my bros were arrested a day before the dinner. I believe that this CNY is a big reminder for me that family is of utmost importance and infinitely valued. A year ago, for my family this all would not be possible.

For my household, every CNY at least one family shot will be taken. And so I guess if we were to archive the pictures for every year, this year’s and the previous would be the one the raises the most questions. The questions of absence would certainly be a huge reminder for me as to how important my family is to me. During this year’s relative visitations, there were so many exclamations with the likes of “Where were you guys last year?!” and “How come this year got people compared to last year?” Encountering those, we just look to one another and smiled as we did not want to lie or tell the truth as my parents consider the truth embarrassing.

It’s just awesome to think of how such a small, normal thing in life can be such a big privilege to have.

I thank God for such experiences. Pictures of such weighted memory most effectively stand as testaments as to how God has been faithful to undeserving people, tiding them through tough times.

Jargonized culture

After a long absence, I visited the youth service at Grace 1 today. I felt so weird in the youth service and I figured that it must due to the length of time being submerged in the culture of the youth centre kids.

As I observed the Christian/spiritual jargons that are flying around all over the place from the worship to the prayers, it causes me to wonder if the people really understood what they are saying. I seriously hope the leaders do because I know that alot of the youth don’t and most of them are just blindly following. I mean just look at the ‘blank’ look on their faces!

If I were one of the youth, I would be so lost and everything would seem more like a ritual. And I’ll most probably say this “I behave like this because the environment/everyone said so.”

I believe that jargons when fully understood can be very powerful. However, jargons used when not understood, is just simply a waste of time. One ear in and the other ear, out.

I can only pray right? Yes I believe I can only do that now.

Does expectations really kill humility?

Last week was really horrible. I have been working overtime for the past five days and it really does stink to think that my bosses there are using us (NSF) for their promotions. And for that I have missed quite a number of important meetings. It’s like you worked so hard to go home at 5.30pm only to be told that it’s not enough and that you will need to work OT.

From this episode I believed that I have gained quite a number of things, the first was about expectations. I was taught not to get my hopes too high and not to expect too much. And I thought that they were very much right. Expectation does give one something to hope for and that hope will drive us through trying situations. However as much as hope is free I realized that we could just as easily be denied of the very thing we hoped for. Hope, when denied, pulls us pit down and makes us stay there. As such I figured that if we have no hope and no sense of personal rights, we might be happier people but albeit without motivation. Does expectations really kill humility? Anyhow it really does stink to be denied the things you thought you deserved.

The next thing I realized was how much I really missed God. For the past week my life is really dictated by my office. From morning till night I can be found busily working and only knocking off at around 10 plus 11pm, reaching home dead tired and waking up the next day at 6am for another day of busy work and OT. It’s been really tough on my devotional and prayer side. I guess it’s worse than BMT where at least there they let us off after 8pm (on most days) for us to do our own stuff.

On another note, I’m really glad that class has started and it is really a breather to be there. It really makes me remember how much I love theology. Now I’m dumped with so much reading to do before my next class. I think I’ll just read them when I’m doing guard duties. I guess those are the only valued times when I’m free to read. I really hope my boss will let me off to attend my next class and not do OT that night.

-
Sunrise to sunset
I will seek your face
Drawn by the Spirit
To the promise of Your grace

My heart has found in You
The hope that will abide
Here in Your presence
Forever satisfied

Take me deeper
Deeper in love with You
Jesus hold me close in Your embrace
Take me deeper
Deeper than I’ve ever been before
I just want to love you more and more
How I longed to be
Deeper in love

-
I was doing duty on Friday night and for some reason, was left alone in my sentry post when a song played on the radio that made me remember the song above. Upon hearing that I turned off the radio to pray and worship. I’m glad that God met me there. I’m also glad that I was alone. Even though its only for a short while, I have reason to think that it was all planned.

I really thank God that in my busyness He hasn’t forgotten me and so desires to win me back to himself.

Wisdom of the old granny

Just now, my parents were talking to this old lady whom I think is from their cell or something along that line. I was happily playing my game (erm, refer to previous post) when I overheard some of the stuff which they talked about which stuck on me for quite abit. They are not new but I guess it’s just how some statements are more effective when said in mandarin.

On future and God: “You will only be willing to sacrifice yourself for Christ when He has shown himself real to you. It is the same for any noble endeavor; which is why people bound in passion of any kind can be so blind to everyone but not themselves.”

On praying prophetic prayers and claiming the promises of God: “You will dare to pray these types of prayers because God had worked this way for you. Hence faith grows as your experience with God grows; and your prayer life grows as your faith in God grows.”

On faith: “If you want to follow Jesus, follow him all the way.” (yao geng ye shu ju gan gan geng)

I guess they are right. One who hesitates is a half hearted believer and is better off not believing. He wastes everybody’s time. No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God.

After I finished digesting all those words I felt so lifted up in my spirit. And this reminds me of a conversation sometime back with my grandma’s friend. We were sharing (in mandarin) about serving God and told her about my full time(?) calling. Then came the following exchange.

(G) “Do you have a girlfriend?”
(M) “Nope.”
(G) “Why?”
(M) “Now so busy, want also no money.”
(G) “When it comes to God, money doesn’t matter.”

I always had a problem with faith and the future, and I believe that God is preparing me for that. The demand for complete commitment is still quite scary if you come to think about it. Anyhow, prior to this, I would never know that eavesdropping could be so refreshing.

Testing waters

Recently I realized how much I’m unconsciously fond of ‘testing situations’ to confirm what I though was correct or wrong. I liked to think that I’m quite observant and because of that I tend to catch hints rather quickly. But somehow (and I believe it is out of a cautious attitude) I will always tend to seek confirmations for the things I’m already quite sure about.

It’s ‘sad’ to say that the same applies for my relationship with God now. Somehow I know what he wants me to do but I really do not want to do it. I guess I would be a very good example of a modern day Jonah. When I know what God wants me to do in a specific situation I would purposely do the opposite for two reasons. 1) Because I really want it my way. 2) Because I want to see what God would do.

If Samson is prevented from cutting his hair since young, mine would be a gaming console. I know this is weird but I know since long long ago that God don’t want me to go into gaming. This revelation is furiously backed up by my parents who know that when I immerse myself into a game it is very hard for me to get out of it. My attitude towards them will change and my already difficult-to-juggle priorities will be seriously messed up. I know that my self control in this area is bad.

The desire to play games largely increased ever since I entered army, and for me, it’s really bad. Whenever I get home from work I would be so spent and I figured that it would be reasonable to spend the night doing something that I enjoy doing. That thing which I really enjoyed doing is playing games. For me, it’s a big problem and I know God doesn’t like it because I got so many other things that I need to do.

Using Jonah as my parallel example, knowing that which God does not like, I decided to go against it, and of course, God did send ‘storms’ along the way. 1) My mom threw away the small television in my room. 2) Jia liang took back the PS2 I borrowed from him. 3) No money to buy a new television. 4) The PS2 I recently brought over from Darren (for a cheap $180) SPOILT before I can play it. It’s now in the shop for repair… and it has been already 1 week. 5) No money to pay for repair. So even if it is repaired I will need to wait till I have the money to take it back from the shop. It is very interesting to note that all these 5 pointers just form part of the entire picture.

The ‘storms’ or otherwise better known as ‘barriers’ really works like irritating alarm clocks notifying me of the things I already knew I should not be doing. Somehow I do not feel guilty. I’m still fighting against the situations to get things going my way. In a certain sense, I know that I’m asking for trouble but somehow I’m not afraid, yet. I guess this at least prove that I can still hear God. That’s a good point but sometimes when I know that I’m in the wrong, I would rather not hear God.

We would not fully know the power of temptation until we are tempted at our weakest point with little will to fight against it.

Struggle and grace

I’m back. And I’m very much convinced that the longer I stay absent from blogging the more unmotivated I’ll feel from actually doing it. So much happened since July, the journey has been new and difficult but it has been good. My intense struggles prove that God very much exist and that He is doing a great work in my life, just like what He promised. As much as I hate the fact that I have to struggle to do things right, I am glad that they exist, for without which I wouldn’t be who I am now. Not saying that I’m perfect and without flaw but in every way the very opposite.

I figured that my struggles grow more intense the closer I am to God. I believe that my imperfections greatly amplify the perfection of God. Now I understand that when I’m weak, He is strong. If God is to be amplified then I guess I will need to know humility and be seen as weak for it is not me that trigged the struggle but rather it’s the Holy Spirit that is working in and through me. He who is righteous revealed my sinful nature. I am really disgusting. And I figured that the more disgusting I know myself to be, the more beautiful Christ will seems to be. And yes, He is the beautiful one, holy, righteous, cloaked in all His glory and majesty.

Despite of all these I’m rather surprised that God’s favor is still with me. Everyday I witness His favor showering upon me. And I know I don’t deserve all these things that put smiles on my face. Joy really kills pain. His grace has been more then sufficient for me. Not a day has passed without me acknowledging that. And for that, I’m very glad and I give thanks.

That ‘umbrella’ that He provides as shelter during times of temptation and persecution, I realized, is His grace. That ‘umbrella’ is something that we can never run away from. His grace is just there waiting for us even if we don’t desire or deserve. God’s love for us is something that should cause us to make pause.

Rights and leftovers – part 2

While bumming in my office and listening to conversations going around, I can’t help but notice that there is actually value in humility. If we were to approach everything in life as privileges rather than entitlements, we will live as happier people. I guess it’s alright to want something badly but I suppose that when we recognize the value of humility we would be able to accept unfavorable things and situations more readily instead of becoming bitter. When we can do that, favorable turnouts will become more like bonuses thus making the happy person happier.

In all our time we have been educated about human/social rights whereas part of it says that we have the basic human rights to live and from there we assume that the same applies to death as well. We actually think that we have the rights to choose to die when we want to and people call that ‘dying with dignity’. Depending on who owns us, it seems that the owner will decide our fate. If we own ourselves, then it seems logical that we have the rights to choose to die but if someone else other than ourselves own us, then it seems alright to conclude that we actually do not have any rights to our living and dying.

Now here’s the over arching assumption; with rights come power. Therefore the owner should have the power to control the process of life and death (i.e life to death, death to life, nothing to life aka creation), and therefore we can never own ourselves. Hence the concept of ‘dying with dignity’ is utter nonsense and the logical side to it is thus, only cosmetic.

Persecuting passively

What I read this morning shook me up – “Those who stand apathetically in the background of persecution, persecute by passivity.” Jesus said “If you are not for me, you are against me”. How can we be indifferent about certain issues and tell people that we believe in the doing or abstaining of them? Telling and living are the two different things that define our integrity.

As recorded in the Gospels, one of the most noted questions (in my opinion) Jesus have ever asked anyone is “Who do you say I am?” I really think that we should evaluate ourselves everyday by asking ourselves this very question. Our view of who Jesus is will determine our actions. The reverse is also true as well – our actions determine our beliefs. Our actions tell others what we believe in.

Day by day we should remind ourselves that we are going to die. Our condition is fatal, but it is not without hope. Let us cease not in telling people about the hope that we live for. Let us not sit on the fence and wait in hope for others to do so first. In Christ there is no such thing as ‘waiting’. If we are not for him, we are actually against him.

I guess this is a stark reminder for me today.

Rights and leftovers

Paul writing from Philippians 3:4-11

If anyone else thinks he has reasons to put confidence in the flesh, I have more: circumcised on the eighth day, of the people of Israel, of the tribe of Benjamin, a Hebrew of Hebrews; in regard to the law, a Pharisee; as for zeal, persecuting the church; as for legalistic righteousness, faultless. But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ (skip to verse 10) I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead.
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Somehow eversince army started I realized that I became increasingly easily angered. Especially when things do not go my way when it should and could have blatantly been. It really stings when I do not get what I’m entitled to get, like when it is ‘your rights’ to have it. It also really stings when I try with all my ability to be perfect, to control things and yet things still go wrong. And that’s where I realized that failure cost me much.

I guess more and more I’m beginning to kind of understand what it feels like to be in Job’s shoes. To know that I’m really not entitled to anything and that I really don’t have any rights to anything whatsoever. I guess God is really teaching me what it means to leave everything behind – ‘rights’ inclusive. My dreams and ambition seem so plain in the light of Christ. And now the big question is if I could gladly abandon them to follow Jesus. It’s easy to sing it off but painful to actualize.

I have decided, to follow Jesus. ( x3 )
No turning back, no turning back.
The Cross before me, the world behind me. ( x3 )
No turning back, no turning back.
Thou none go with me, I still will follow. ( x3 )
No turning back, no turning back.

I tear whenever I sing this song because it reminds me of what I’m leaving behind.

Belief

I know everyone wants to believe in something but I wonder if everyone is perpetually questioning their belief system. For me, I want something that is secure and that never fails. It seems like forever since the last time I not questioned God about whether He will come through for me.

Lord you said in your word that blessed is the man who trusts in you. What is the meaning of blessedness? Will I ever live to understand it? Please don’t ever fail me. Hold me in your arms and never let me go. I am nothing without you. I still believe that you are a good God who gives good gifts to your servants to accomplish your will… I know you will.

Counting the cost

One thing that kept coming back to me during the past month is the realization of the cost of loving Jesus. Strangely we somehow need the opposites to help us understand what we thought we already knew. Being in an unconducive and hostile (and I dare say hostile) environment really sharpens and makes me stronger. Some people really hate me for being Christian, having Christian ethics, and sharing what Christ is really all about. I figured that the more committed you are to the cause of following Jesus; the more people will hate you for it.

It really takes so much to be a Christian. All the time you are tested in the most unimaginable way. Surprisingly I also realize that the more persecuted I am, the more beautiful Christ seems to me. Like what Apostle Paul writes in 2 Corinthians 4; “We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.” God really is the one that sustains and keeps me sane. I thank God for the blessings and favor He has showered upon me as I follow Him with nothing more than just bare hands which are meant for holding onto him on dark grounds. After so much I realized that I still desire to follow Jesus. I thank God for the fellowship of believers. They are really God’s gift to me.

“Lord, send me anywhere, only go with me. Lay any burden on me, only sustain me.”

After so long I realized that my prayer is still more or less the same.

Candle in the dark

Just came back from field camp, it was tiring and irritating but overall I guess it was much gained. Now I treasure so many things I used to take it for granted. I was taught so many lessons; one for example was that I would never know how bright a single candle light is without going to field camp. The light from a single candle is brighter and more durable than my torchlight! At that moment I feel encouragement from God as if he was saying “The darker the night the brighter the light.”

“You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven. (Matthew 5:14-16)

In a strange sense, the definitions I once knew have been further refined and defined. Continue to live your life as worship onto God and you will shine as bright as the candle in the dark directing people to your master :)

Pink ic

So I guess this is Goodbye :)

Paradox faith

I really thank God that He provided people to be signposts and directional signs; people who make me feel that this new phrase is not as new as it feels. It’s like experiencing something totally new but yet familiar. I came to figure that dependence on God is like driving with no steering wheel and still feeling safe because I know that someone bigger is in control. I believe that the God who created me will be the same God who will drive me to my destiny.

I guess faith is having the security to be insecure, to be able to believe without prior understanding. I may not be able to understand the logical outworking of God but now I understand one thing – that everybody experiences far more than he understands. It is the experience, rather than understanding, that influences behavior.

It has been a good 10months and I have grown a lot. It’s kind of like a sabbatical and I’m very thankful for the chance to study and grow at my own pace. With the privilege of studying comes the ultimate test. I guess now its time to see what I am really made of. It will be a defining phrase.

However, this is one test I’m very afraid of failing.

*** If we talked or met up during the past month I’ll probably miss you.

Paper or people

“Do not try do take on a heavy load before your enlistment” – This is the lesson I just learnt. I suddenly have so many things that I want to do, like people that I want to meet, bulletin artwork to finish and on top of all that I have a very threatening paper dateline which so happens to fall on my enlistment date. I realized that I have so much that I want to do and this much time left. I don’t want to fail my paper and neither do I want to give up my last few drops for freedom to meet up with my friends.

I guess it really boils down to what is really important to me; in this case, paper or people? I guess I’ll be calling up the guys in AGBC tomorrow to ask them if I could change my credit module to audit and hopefully I can get some money refunded. I think it’s really sad to bum my very first attempt in theological studies. I mean who in my class would fail but me? And worst still, its failing by bailing out :(

I have really given up too many things while struggling for this stupid paper. It’s just sad that the things I have given up are irreversible. Among the many things I have given up the most important ones would be the East Asia mission trip and one of my closer friends – the atheist who taught me to reflect on my thinking. He just flew off to Taiwan looking for a job and I don’t know if I will ever meet him again. It just pains me so much to think that I decided not to meet up with him because I have a ‘so important’ paper to finish. I really really hope that I will see him in heaven. Oh God! How can I be so blind as to reject the people you treasure for pieces of words on paper?

I guess it’s these types of constrains and limitations that really help us cherish time. To learn that good things don’t last forever and that you don’t have forever to spend your time.

Self reflection

I really think that there are two parts to ‘loving your neighbor’; one is the ‘giving love’ and the other is the ‘receiving love’. One can give love passionately and yet be passionately rejected. Can someone have so much passion that he or she becomes obnoxious in the eyes of everyone? I just met a reflection of myself just now and to think that I’m actually so repulsive and such a ‘pain in the neck’ for my leaders. I really thank God for opening my eyes to make me aware of myself. Sorry everyone, I sincerely thank you all for bearing with my shortcomings and being patient with me.

When revelation is not coupled with wisdom, truth becomes repulsive.

On a brighter note, Melvin, Natalie and Amanda wrote me a birthday poem on the bus and I think it’s interestingly funny!

Dear Matthew,

You are the cool
You don’t look like a fool
You are going army now
We’re getting you a cow
Amanda thinks this is lame
What to do, that’s your name
Do you like beetle bugs?
If you don’t, you are a slug
This is really so exciting
We wish you the best
Space is running out
Remember to get more rest.

(While you can)

Oh gosh…

Free love

You know how time with important people is always so precious and beautiful? That person gave me her time and I decide to give her mine.

I read in a book (I think it’s called ‘360 leadership’) that most people who worked in Microsoft for all their lives never get to meet Bill Gates. And all of them are eager to have a private coffee session with him for 45 minutes. Time with important people is always precious. It costs them something.

There is no such thing ‘free love’. Love is the most costly thing in the world. God gave us his only son. Jesus gave his life for us to be able to stand righteous before God. In order for us to love, we will have to give our attention to that special someone and leave the others unattended to. The best thing about love is that it is freely given to us all. That is only possible for a God who is omnipresent. That love when freely given is considered unconditional.

When we freely receive something, it doesn’t mean it’s free. I really thank God. He gave me His time. He hears me.

Self doubt

I wonder why we always emphasize on the spiritual need when the emotional need is just as important. When one of our needs is not fulfilled we will tend to use people (unconsciously) as means to meet that need. The needs are real and so should be our approach. The emotional need is not something that can be solved by a spiritual answer.

At the root of every wrong intention is a need not met. Wrong intentions can easily breed disharmony in the body of Christ. If we want to serve God effectively, we will need to meet that need. We need to constantly question the reason as to why we feel the need to serve. Is it to satisfy our egos? Is it to make us feel important? Or is it out of the love for the people. Never serve and lead out of need.

When a particular area of need is not satisfied it will quickly become a stepping stone for the devil in our lives. I figured that however pure my intentions are, I will always be forced to question my unintended intentions. Whenever we are lacking in a particular emotional area, our credibility and authenticity of our actions can be easily doubted by people and by ourselves. Meaning there will always be a possibility that we are deluding ourselves with our ‘righteous motives’ when we serve. After all what makes us think that when we serve we are serving out of love and not out of a selfish reason?

Anyways this approach is unreasonably restrictive. If I have to construct an argument for everything I believe and upon which I act, I’ll believe little and act little. I do not want to doubt myself any longer. Lord, set me free to serve you.

He remembers me

As my birthday and coming enlistment date draws near, I got down to planning a list of people that I really want to spend my (remaining) days with; people important to me; people whom I really treasure and are close to. As I plan my exclusive schedule and prepare the list of people, it suddenly occurred to me that actually I am not very close to my peers, I don’t really have many peers that I call close friends. I realized that I’m actually much closer to many of the youths and I desire to be with them much much more than with my peers.

With this thought I sudden found a reason as to probably why I seem to be much more effective in the youth ministry. Is my preference of time spent with the youth actually based on my lack of peer friends? Does this really mean that I love them then, or is my so called ‘love’ for them actually based on a very selfish reason? If that is so, then I guess it’s really sad and its time I consider about what I am doing.

As I dwell on what loneliness felt, I evaluated myself and question if I do have a character problem. Well, after all I felt that my situation doesn’t really seemed normal at all. I prayed and cried. Loneliness is a really painful feeling I guess. Even when one is surrounded by people loneliness is still very much felt. People only help to mask the pain I guess.

But last Saturday’s YA service was really memorable. The message by Pastor Kieran is really what I needed so much to hear. It’s almost like God speaking to me and that slot of the day meant especially for me. I guess it’s a way of how God shows me that He is the big guy up there who hears my cries. For the first time I really felt restored and vision refocused.

I guess the pastors in school are right, ministry is really lonely. There are so many things you can’t share with your members and so many things that you need to keep to yourself. There will be things that they can’t understand and might never be able to understand and relate to you. I realized that the more committed I am to my ministry, the lonelier I’ll will get. And when my ‘world’ becomes my ministry, I am actually inviting myself into a ‘lion’s den’ of loneliness.

A servant has no time off and is to serve the master 24/7. Although this reality really seems tiring and torturous I guess I am always reminded of one very fundamental thing; that He really does love his servants. I am really thankful that in the midst of my struggles that Yahweh remembers me; even though when I feel that I really don’t deserve to be remembered. Serving a kind master is always a joy and a privilege.

I really like it when poet George Herbert described prayer as “the soul in paraphrase, heart in pilgrimage.” and he goes on and concludes his grand description of prayer as “something understood.” Really, Yahweh hears us, He understands us. He remembers me.

The faith element

I spent my whole week at the teen games with these boys and I really love them. I really want to see them all saved.

I figured that the two words ‘Have Faith’ is actually very powerful. They can be used to the benefit of your belief and also for your non belief. Like for example as much as the Christian can have faith in God, the Christian can also choose to have faith in his doubts and skepticism, choosing not to let go. Faith leads us in the direction we want it to lead us into. Faith can be of use for God or against God. If we publicly proclaim that we have faith in Yahweh then we must be careful not to stand at the wrong side of our living faith.

This is sobering reminder that we can be so comfortable, confident and self sufficient that we can delude ourselves into thinking that we do not need God. When all is going well and comfortable, there exists a temptation to have too much faith in ourselves and to think that we do not need God.

It’s really painful to see the way the youths worship God. I mean how can we actually sing ‘church on fire’ as if the church is really on fire? It’s so hypocritical to sing about what you do not believe and people display their faith in their unbelief in their attitude towards God. If one does not believe in the truth that they are singing about, the truth then becomes lies that people unconsciously sprout out from their mouths. In other words, if we do not sing the truth in faith, we sing lies.

Pray people pray. Pray for your ministry and your non Christian friends.

Grace – the meaning of forgiveness

The more we can understand how wretched we really are, the more we can understand the meaning and intensity of the word ‘grace’. Love unconditioned was bestowed onto us to make us his children without our prior knowledge or consent. Just like we whom never got a chance to choose our parents, God willed us to be called his own. And to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God.

It’s as simple as that! Many times I guess I tired too hard to be a worthy son to my father in heaven. I really thought that the more I can bring before him the happier he would be and the worthier I would feel. And to worship I bring along my talents, gifting and voices all in hoping they would please God. But now my Lord tells me to simply come. Obedience is better then sacrifices, and my presence before him is much valued then what I can bring to him. Presence is valued much more than presentation. God being the giver of all gifts and talents need not us to please him using those.

Freedom from the hunt for individuality can only be found in Christ alone. When we know this truth, truly we are free. People can refine us, but only God can define us. Jesus didn’t defend himself when he was captured and/or scorned. His identity is not from the people but rather it is that from his heavenly father. His security of kingship identity is from a transcendental perspective and thus because his kingship is secured, he can freely be a servant to all Man.

As our focus is on God and son-ship identity secured we too are set free to serve. Christ’s claim of kingship rule is never geographical or political but more potently it is that of the heart. His rule in our hearts is a choiced decision, not a forced one. If that is Christ’s focus, we must amplify that.

Lord, as we look to you, bring us to a ‘place’ where we have got nothing to loose.
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Amazing grace! How sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me!
I once was lost, but now am found;
Was blind, but now I see.

Never ceasing

As for me, far be it from me that I should sin against the LORD by failing to pray for you. And I will teach you the way that is good and right. (1 Samuel 12:23)

Samuel was always concerned for the children of Israel. For Samuel, beside his primary ministry to Yahweh, his ministry focus is to the Israelites. He is to be a faithful mouth piece for the Lord delivering the Word of God to all Israel. Failing which, he regards as failing what he was called to do and thus sinned before Yahweh.

Now, there’s nothing particularly wrong about not praying, but as a leader am I being faithful to my calling and my responsibility? Will I able to say the same thing as Samuel did in the face of constant failure by children of Israel to recognize Yahweh’s sovereignty? Will I give up in the face of discouragement?

Like Samuel, our primary ministry is to Yahweh. And while our ministry focuses may defer, let us minister and grow before the Lord just like Samuel did for we are called to minister before the Lord first before we minister to his people. Far be it from me that I should minister to people with an empty cup. I have nothing to offer as such.

I shall not cease in praying for the ministry that I love.

Blunder after blunder

Art/design or theology/philosophy? Two different worlds with two different directions. Just finished my first Old Testament module exam and I think I blew it. Am I really made for this? What is ‘calling’ exactly? Am I really ‘called’ into this? How come I was so sure of what God wants me to do back then but now when I’m in it (and in my first blunder) my vision is blurred? Probably Pastor Ronald is right, it’s my first exam and I’ll sooner or later get the hang of it… I hope so too. But I’m think I’m just so lost now for now. Probably it’s back to art for the time being. I don’t know anymore.

“Lord, send me anywhere, only go with me. Lay any burden on me, only sustain me. Server any ties but the ties that bind me to your service and to your heart.” – David Livingstone

One hundred percent

There are some thing that just wouldn’t do without the hundred percent, one of them is obedience. Its opposite is disobedience and disobedience is actually pride. Whatever percentage of our life that is not subjected to God is our percentage of pride. “Pride comes before a fall” ever thought how that phrase come about? As I study 1 Samuel, time and time again I am reminded about the consequence of not obeying. Intentional disobedience before God comes before a fall.

For the past few days the word obedience kept hitting me again and again like a ton of bricks. So what does it really means? What does 100% really means? In class we were asked that question and the lecturer demanded practical answers. I still remember some of it: One says that if you are a missionary or if you know you are called to be one, you will jolly well take your kids out of the Singapore education system. And for many times you may not even get to see your kids very often. Another gives the scenario of dropping your studies and do the things that you are told to or called to. Delayed obedience is disobedience and is pride.

Of all the practical examples, one principle in lies in common and it is the same way as God tested Abraham with the offering of his son, Isaac, who is his one son of which, his ‘world’ kind of revolves around. Let’s look at Apostle Peter, Jesus also asked him a defining question as recorded in John 21:15 “do you love me more then these?” Now Jesus is referring to the fishes that he just caught and thus Jesus is comparing Peter’s love for Him to Peter’s love for fishing. The same can be said about us. Are we willing to give up the important things that we hold on to so tightly and swap them with Jesus? Do we love Jesus more then ‘these’?

I know what it means, I know what I’m called to and I struggle with the thought of it. So for me, to acknowledge them is really very painful. I may be obeying but it is still very painful to see the things that I want so much float away. Its like when you realized that you can’t have both worlds at the same time, it becomes like a so-near-yet-so-far kind of thing. Am I actually willing to give up my personal desires for the greater desire of God? What does it really means to take up my cross daily and follow Jesus? Without obedience, faith holds no ground.

God from the Hebrew perspective

We know that the OT books were written in Hebrew and NT in Greek. The 4 Gospels are by basically recordings of Jesus’ life and Jesus is a Hebrew, his words and teachings are mostly directed to the Hebrews. This makes the 4 Gospels very ‘Hebrew’ although written in Greek. Basically the Hebrews are circular in their thinking and Greeks, liner. We as Western Singaporeans are more to the Greek side. I have a more artistic mind and less of the logical hence tend to be more circular then liner. Probably this is the reason as to why I have no problem understanding OT theology and the 4 Gospels but struggle intensively when it comes to grasping the precepts of the NT books as most of them were written by Paul directed at the Greek/Roman world.

For the Greeks, every concept introduced needs to be backed with some sort of explanation (liner) but for the Hebrews not everything needs to be explained, but you need to note the author’s main point of the story. For the Hebrews, concepts are more fluid, more ‘out of the box’ whereas the Greeks like everything to be packaged ‘in a box’. So therefore when we read or study Hebrew text, if we read God with a Greek mindset, we are totally missing the author’s point and therefore, taking the text out of the context, misinterpreting what it was meant to be interpreted.
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Let us now look at God in relation to evil as portrayed in the OT, with our minds tuned to the Hebrew mindset.

Surprisingly the word ‘Satan’ is used only 13 times in the whole OT. (and it bears no connotations with luck mind you!) It’s a Hebrew word which literally means ‘the accuser’ or ‘the adversary’. Meaning ‘The one who is against’. Yet the reason the word “Satan” is mentioned 13 times and 12 of it, in the book of Job (in conversations between God and Satan) is because in much of the OT, Yahweh is seen as the cause of evil as much as good.

There are many examples to show that this was no problem in the earlier period. Take Amos 3:6 for example. And in exodus we see Yahweh hardening the heart of pharaoh. In 1Samuel 1:3-8 we see Yahweh is the one that brings about the barrenness of Hannah. Here again and again we see Yahweh does both good and bad things. This God of seemingly ‘double standards’ persists even into the NT period until the time of clement of Rome in the 2nd century AD who says: “God has a right hand and a left hand and both of them bring about his will.” In other words he is saying one bringing Good and the other bringing evil. Modern theologians (who are liner thinkers), as we know have trouble with talk like that.

So I being liner, tried to figure God out and I figured that God did not create evil but God created a definition of good that seems to include evil. Evil gains its definition from good and so does good gains its definition from evil. God is surely tolerating evil and it appears that beyond tolerating, God is even making use of it to define what is good and perfect. To the Hebrews, God is unquestionably sovereign. There was no concept of doubt in the Hebrew mindset. When there is a problem, their solution is worship. To them, it is all about Yahweh and his sovereignty. When there is no doubt, it tells Yahweh that He is sovereign. Probably that is the reason why the prophet Habakkuk starts his 3 chaptered book ‘singing the song of the atheist’, dealing with the problem of evil, but ended his book with worship. And with worship comes renewed strength.

To the Hebrews, Yahweh is the God with the power of reconciling opposites. Yahweh is the one who causes barrenness to bear ‘fruit’. Yahweh is the one who lead the oppressed into victory. Yahweh is the one who make the weak nation a conquering nation provided they pledge their allegiance to him. For examples see Abraham and Sarah, see the childless and therefore oppressed and despised Hannah, see the Israelites in their debilitated form devoid of iron weaponry technology against the ‘powerful’ Philistines as portrayed in 1Samuel. The only ‘weapon’ they had was Yahweh and surprisingly, they had victory every time except the times they disobeyed Yahweh. Hence the definition of Yahweh by Paul, as in Romans 4:17, “the God who gives life to the dead and calls things that are not as though they were.” This is the foundational image of God for the Hebrews in the OT as well as for the Christians in both Paul and Jesus’ time. This is precisely the reason as to why G.K. Chesterton in his essay, ‘Introduction to the Book of Job’, writes that “The riddles of God are more satisfying than the solutions of man.”

This does not mean throwing logic out of the window either. I figured that general logic could best be divided into 3 categories, besides the logical and the illogical categories; there is a third, which is the ‘beyond’. Logic has its limits. It cannot guarantee wisdom. It cannot prove or disprove inspiration or love. It cannot replace the intuition gained through experience. Such are then placed in the third category. The Hebrews in their ‘simple’ mindset understood this. And beyond understanding, they arranged their life around their fundamental belief and hence it became culturally embedded.

I guess Rev.Houger said it right when he said “We think too much like the Greeks, we need to think more like the Hebrews.” If we want to understand God the way He was understood by the Hebrews, we better think and understand God and do apologetics in context. I guess this is what faith is all about – Understanding something of greater value through the initial lack of understanding.

Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. (Hebrews 11:1)

Abide with me

You know like how we always pray for power to do all things? I came to realize that instead, I was given weakness of such titanic proportions so that I might feel the need of God. And now I really need God! Humility is really painful. The Chinese is really killing me. But there’s one thing that I can be assured of. Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength, they will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. God’s power is best expressed through my weakness. In my weakness, He is strong.

Only God alone knows how to humble a man without humiliating him and only God alone knows how to lift up a man without flattering him. What a mighty God we serve!

—
Abide with me; fast falls the eventide;
The darkness deepens; Lord, with me abide!
When other helpers fail, and comforts flee,
Help of the helpless, O abide with me.

Swift to its close ebbs out life’s little day;
Earth’s joys grow dim; its glories pass away;
Change and decay in all around I see;
O Thou who changest not, abide with me.

- Some verses from hymn “Abide with me” by Henry F. Lyte

Cultural Christianity

There is a certain way the gospel is heard when one’s stomach is empty and a very different way it is heard when people are satisfied. The gospel is first heard by people who were longing and thirsty, those who were poor and oppressed in one sense or another. They know their need and emptiness.

Religious education has for years given people answers to the questions they are not asking. The people accept the answers quickly and easily. And very often they spout the answers for the rest of their lives. For example, “God allow suffering to test us” and stuff like that. I call them canned answers. People apply the answers they learnt to questions without thinking as if they were as simple as some mix and match thing. People change but the answers (not implying content but method) do not and that is where the problem begin. Try saying that to someone who is going through intense grief, the answer, however true, will fall flat.

Such knowledge can pass away as quickly as it came because of the basic reason that we never thirsted for it in the first place. Until we make space inside, what comes is not an answer but an excuse not to face the question, an excuse to stop searching, to avoid the journey and sadly many people are no longer on that journey. We have easy Christian answers before we struggled with the questions.

If we wished to know more about the heart and mind of God, we will have to ask Him to allow us to feel what it means to be empty, to be abandoned and to be uncared for. We must go inside and find the rejected and fearful parts within each of us and try to live there if life has not placed us there yet. That should allow us a deeper communion with the oppressed of the world and at the same time a deeper understanding of the heart and mind of God. And most importantly His desire to reach out to them.

We have to face our fears and doubts. An awful lot of religion is an excuse for not facing our fears and doubts. True religion is not of denial but of transformation by God (Romans 4:17) “who gives life to the dead and calls things that are not as though they were.” God walks us into our fears, to feel them, to own them and to let them teach us.

God’s heart is love and His love is for the people, lets not give answers and quote scriptures as if the answers and scriptures are more important than the people.
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Speaking of scriptures, nothing in the New Testament says that the primary authority is the scriptures themselves. Scriptural authority points itself to God. And since the scripture is the word of God for the people, then the direct authority of Godly/Christian living should be based on the word of God. This is the concept! When we make an idol of the book, when we make an end to the words themselves, we get into trouble. The point of scripture is to do the very thing that that writers of scripture did, that Moses and Abraham did, to go out on a journey and there meet the Lord. And then continually come back to the word of God for confirmation and consolation.

Jesus told his religious leaders that they “know how to interpret the appearance of the sky, but you cannot interpret the signs of the times (generation).” (Matthew 16:3 emphasis mine) What Jesus is saying is that if we are not a listening people, a discerning people, a humble and open people, we are not going to find much truth. We are simply going to have our scripture passages and instead of them being an avenue to God, the scripture themselves becomes a barrier.

God’s heart is love and His love is for the people, lets not give answers and quote scriptures as if the answers and scriptures are more important than the people.

Understanding evil

Came across two interesting words of Greek origin today and they really helped me to understand the notion of evil and how it functions.

When we speak of evil, two words come to play at this point and we must understand them: “Symbolic” and “Diabolic”. “Symbolic” means to throw together and “diabolic” means to throw apart. Evil is always dualistic, always separates, examples would be body from soul, heart from mind, human from divine, masculine from feminine. Whenever we see separation, evil comes into the world.

Symbolism however, always reconnects what has been thrown apart. This probly explains why healthy religion (“re-ligio” = blind back together) throughout history, gives us symbols and images of reconciliation that heal and put together what has been taken apart. God is always the great reconciler and healer of opposites.

God hold together our person while Satan always tries to divide. Here evil can be seen as the destruction of purpose. What God has put together let no man put asunder.

Seek and sougth

You know how numerous times we are reminded in the gospel that God is in search of us, that he came to seek and save the lost. I think this truth puts everything in perspective for us.

In the midst of our struggle to walk righteously in obedience to the God, sometimes the struggle becomes so intense that it compels us to think that we are looking for Him but we find out later that he has come in search of us as well. The genuine seeker after God will find out that he too is being sought by God.

The more deeply we enter into the mystery of Christ the thinner the line between joy and suffering becomes. For me sometimes I’ll have to think twice to realize whether what I’m feeling is joy or sorrow. Once the heart is surrendered, I guess the only important question becomes if I am doing God’s will. Whether it brings me personal happiness or sadness is no longer of primary concern.

On time

I had an interesting colleague when I was working back in my studio. Because of the nature of our work we always work overtime and sometimes get off work at 11pm. So these are the times when we get our free cab ride home. So as I hop on a cab, I asked my colleague if he is getting one too. He said no and the reason being that he is not in a hurry. Somehow his reply has been sticking with me for so long and I can even remember it so vividly till now. When I heard that from him, something inside me goes wow because I really want that mindset.

I guess I really need to loosen up on my concept of time. Ever since I got back from Indonesia I’ve been cabing around alot. I haven’t been very patient with the buses. Every time I decided to save some money I would end up spending half an hour waiting and waiting and it’s really irritating. Half an hour for $10? Is my time really worth so much yet? I really need to change in this area.

I really love traveling. I like to be in the observation mode. I like the sight of everyday life and most importantly alot of times God will remind me of alot of things I normally wouldn’t have. But all these wouldn’t happen if I’m not in the “mood”. I realize that there are many things that shape our mood for the day, and if we can control those things then we can control our mood. I believe that mood can be trained. Like for example leaving the waking up earlier and leaving the house half an hour earlier for every meeting. This frees us up to wait and not hurry around.

Isn’t this true with our Quiet Time as well? I have realized that the prerequisite of observation is a still spirit. How can I come to God like a rushing wind? The consciousness of time (or rather the lack of it) during our QT actually robs us from more of God. That’s why God tells the psalmist to be still and know that he is God. I believe that stillness, like mood can be trained. Can I too, in all my busyness, be still and in doing so show that God is more important then what I am busy with.

Unwilling

I’ve been waiting for one year and really want to go for EAsia trip but comfort tells me no. Honestly I don’t really want to start praying for them not because I don’t want per se but because I know that the burden is there and I don’t want to stir it because I know what stirring it means. It means learning Chinese, attending Chinese services and my parents’ Chinese cell groups and subjecting myself to so much discomfort and basically those are the things which I have been avoiding for a very long time. And I also know that a burden is something that you can’t keep silent for too long. Let’s see when it will burst.

OH GOD! Die to myself? I have already died to my dreams and aspirations, what more do you want from me? How much more do you want me to give up? Must you drive me to absolute brokenness so that in all darkness you will shine brighter and that everyone might see you at the expense of me?

I seem to encounter so many crossroads recently. So many decisions to make that might change my life as it is. I’m so tired of them. So many things have been on my mind recently and now it’s in a mess (as usual).

—

You are my strength when I am weak
You are the treasure that I seek
You are my all in all
Seeking You as a precious jewel
Lord